@Cathphil thats really lovely 
Id love to take our 3 dogs but it would be chaotic.
Yes , i dont want to chat to people outside either. I think ill just go in. Let his brother do the chatting.
I dont feel like talking to anyone, hence not wanting to go to the wake.
It might change tomorrow but this pain in my heartā¦ is in my throat tooā¦ cant actually find the words for people.
Nick worked for the land registry for 33 years, plus he had a lot of friends so a lot of people will be going xx
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I also arranged for people to be seated inside before we arrived.
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I didnāt chat to anyone outside I got there early and sat inside in fact people told me afterwards a lot of people thought I wasnāt there.Just do what feels right for you on the day .I was in my own world and not thinking about anyone else really.
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Im really struggling 
Worrying about tomorrow. I canāt stop crying, im going to be a mess.
I saw Nick todayā¦ im never going to see him again.
Its hurting too much 
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That is such a heartbreaking realisation to deal with.
Sending you a really big hug
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I will be thinking about you tomorrow itās horrible.I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight,when I woke up on the morning of the funeral I decided I couldnāt go then I said out loud right come on get your big girls knickers on and told him I was going to give you him the best day I could.But to be honest itās all a bit of a blur I was so numb.
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It will be a very difficult day for you tomorrow and I will be thinking of you. I dont remember much of my husbandās funeral, it was all a blur and unreal. I visit my husbandās grave every other day and talk to him, but I always feel so very sad when I leave his grave. I nursed him for 2 years and people tell me that I couldnāt have done anymore. On the day when he died, after 3 weeks in hospital, I left him at 5 pm (I didnāt know that he was coming to the end) and told him I was coming back the next day. At 7pm I got a phone call from the hospital to come quickly and I got there 30 minutes before he died. If only I hadnt gone home at 5pm but I was so exhausted ! It will haunt me for the rest of my life. I held his hand, but I dont know whether he knew I was there.
I will never get over this and once I have dealt with his paperwork and put everything in order I dont care whether I live or die. I am sorry but that is how I feel.
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Aww thats so sad 
You looked after him for 2 yearsā¦ he knew that.
Please be kind to yourself xxx
Everyone said it will be a blur
Nicks mum died when she was only 59 of a stroke, 2004. He told me he was crying in his bedroom one day and asked if she was with him. The light started flickering.
Monday i was crying 
and the lamp in our livingroom started flickeringā¦ he was definitely with me 
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He will be with you tomorrow, too, as will everyone else attending. Deep breaths, and cry as much as you like because thatās what a funeral is for. Thinking of you x 
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I am looking for signs, but cannot see any x
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You will when you arenāt expecting itā¦ i feel your pain and loss.
BIG HUGS XXX
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I must admit I was very sceptical about signs. Mind you, it didnāt stop my wondering or wanting one.
Well now, I have had some.
It has included certain music playing st times when I was very upset and struggling. This has happened too often to be coincidental.
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Aww @Willo
I hope you got through today with your kiddies
Its heartbreaking 
i feel so sad for you and them xxx
Thank you
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The day went like a blur but we got through it. my 3 kids where amazing. now i just feel empty thinking of you @MandyC15 xx
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Aww @Willo
Hold on tight to them kids
You wont want to think about it now but everytime you look at your babies, your beloved husband will be looking backā¦ keep him in your heart
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