Moi, it’s been four months got me and I’m just like you - I keep crying and it’s not getting any easier. I went to a lunch club today which I enjoyed, sitting next to the widowers but at the end when somebody asked how I was I burst into tears and people just looked at me surprised as I had been laughing at someone’s anecdote. I think Scots people don’t approve of showing emotion and don’t know how to react. Like you I feel very sorry for myself and don’t think I’ll ever be really happy again. And I know exactly else you mean about seeing other couples!
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Skip - I feel exactly the same as you, it could have been written by me. Mothers Day coming up soon and I feel guilty as I really cant be bothered to do anything for my mother as I dont do fun things any more and I was always the one that organised family things. I have never gone through so many hankies in my life. Everything is a reminder of what I dont have any more. He was only 59, married almost 33 years. My one true love, my person, my everything. Thinking of you all and wish I could do something. xxx
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Its 8 months for me. Its all still raw fir me. Imss him with everything i do. I wish i could share things with him. Theres lits of necessary changes in the house. I wish he was here to see it.
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Moi1
Look after yourself ,sorry to hear your Doctor or nurses have not been in touch to see how you are ,
For the 1st 2 weeks after i lost my husband they did give me sleeping tablets ,which helped,
I dont sleep very well at night now ,
I try to keep busy, but life is a struggle without my husband ,and my son lives about a 5 hour drive from me.
Big hugs take care xx
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Hello Camille, sorry for your loss, its 8months for me too, i find it hard, too,things need doing round the house, noone to tell if you
do anything, buy anything, feel totally like I’ve lost my right arm,without my Husband,.after 40years married, Im like at a stage of ,I know hes gone, but then feel I’m back to last July, when he died, it does still feel raw, its a hard road we are on,.all kinds of different emotions,.
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I am sitting here with my cup of coffee, alone as I know you all are. It has been 7 mos and 1 day since my precious husband died. I am 75 yrs old and we were married 52 yrs, together 57. No children. My life is forever changed. What keeps me going is that I know we will be together again. I have to believe that. We had a beautiful life, a large part of me died with him. I just want to live out the rest of my life in peace, which seems elusive. I cry for him everyday, ache for him. I have had friends try to encourage me to get a prescription for sleeping pills. No way. I need to go through grief, not around it. I have never taken any sort of sleeping or antidepressants in my life and I sure am not going to start now. No criticism of those that do. We all need to accept the help that best suits us. All I know is I want to be with my beloved husband. His spirit is with me, so I hold dearly to that.
Peace and love, Karen
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Karen. I feel the same. Friends have said see the doc and get pills as crying every day, not sleeping and thinking of his last days constantly is not good and I agree it’s not good but I’m not going on any either. My sister did when her son died and she totally changed. I just want to be with him too. Being alone without my love is killing me. I dont do anything now just stay in and count the hours till the next day and so on. It’s an existence only.
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Thanks everyone. My dads really poorly, and as i was driving home from my parents house last night i just burst into tears. I just wanted a hug from my Bri.
Im just so sad all the time, i had another counselling session today and got a nosebleed half way through cos of all my crying and blowing my nose!
Love and hugs to you all xx
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Hi Moi1, my heart goes out to you life seems pointless at times but keep going and crying as it helps with your grief. I am four years on this long and lonely road, I am now ok to come home to a empty house, it has got easier, people told me it would, I didn’t believe them but slowly it has. Take each day as it comes and try and focus on something each day. Our memories will keep us going, be strong, take care of yourself x
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Thank you Linda. It’s so hard. Live to you too xx
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Hi Skip, it might be a good idea to tell your GP and have your vitamin D level tested.
Take care, Nick.
27 weeks today at 4.30 pm
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Ok, will do. Never thought of that. I imagine they’ll be low as ive had melanoma so dont go in the sun…
Thanks @Nick22
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15 months for me ,i dont feel sick all the time anymore, still get anxious and i cry or feel very tearful every day still. I miss him so very much. I honestly can’t believe my strong full of life husband is not here . The whole thing is just crap . Love to you all feeling this horrible pain. I never felt envious of anyone ever !!! Feel it often when i see couples out together. 
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BigL
North Hertfordshire
My beloved Ally, husband of 59 years, died on Saturday. He was only 78, I’m 76 and I’m broken. He had dementia and Alzheimer’s over the last years of his life and I cared for him at home, but it was his heart that gave out in the end and he had to go in to hospital. He was spared his dementia developing further and I was spared him not knowing me and our 2 children, but his death was still the most devastating thing I have ever endured. He had a very tough last week, but was peaceful at the very end thanks to the end of life team. We, his family, failed to be there by minutes, literally minutes, but the palliative care nurse said he was asleep and just slipped away peacefully. All I knew was his bed was undisturbed. I get comfort from that. His little dog is lost and the 2 cats know something’s wrong. There is nothing to feel at the moment, just numbness and relief at his release, he can’t suffer any more… But how do I live without him?
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This is really the hardest thing I have ever had to do and so I can totally understand what you’re feeling. My husband passed on 11th February and we have his funeral on Friday. He was only 63 and went into hospital with breathing difficulties then they discovered he had an aggressive lymphoma, plus he caught covid and encephalitis. He was in the hospital, never got to the hospice, and stopped communicating. Our daughter and me discovered a natural burial site and that’s where he will be going on Friday, we picked this as he was a walker, nature lover and photographer. I may not have been with my husband quite as long as you, nearly 44 years, but I can empathise. It’s so hard, it feels like part of you is missing and there are so many moments when I wonder how on earth I can go on without him. We have to take each day as it comes and accept help when it’s offered, even if sometimes that isn’t in our nature.
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Hi Skip, thanks for your reply. I also take vitamin D most days in the summer, because I am not outside much and only my hands and face are exposed to the Sun. (Best to ask the GP for that.) - I have also read that our body needs vitamin D to absorb calcium for our bones. - Take care, Nick
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You’re a few weeks on from me Guineapig65. I feel for you and your loss. I find that everything is carrying on as normal, except my life. I’ve made a list of things to do and just stare at it and think ‘tomorrow.’ 44 years, 59 years, it’s still more years in marriage than out of it. All the things we did before our dear men died are now superfluous and we somehow have to make new lives for ourselves out of dust.
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@BigL your posting hits at my very core. My beloved husband died last Aug. he had Alzheimer’s. He was 74. We were married 52yrs, together for 57. Unfortunately I had to put my husband in memory care to keep him safe. He constantly wanted to “escape”. And he did once where I had to call the police and enlist the help of neighbors. It nearly killed me to place him. I brought him home after 10 mos for the last 5 wks of his life. He no longer could walk, or even sit up. It was always in my plan for him to die at home. Was it easy, no, but I wanted to do the best I could for him. So he came home with hospice. I am a retired R.N., so, that certainly helped in the management of his care. As with your husband, mine was very peaceful at the end.
I wish I had an answer for how do we live without them. After 7 mos 3 days I have no answer. We had no children and don’t live any where near family.
I definitely feel his spirit with me. He was the love of my life, soulmate, center of my universe. Every day brings me one day closer to being reunited with him. The old saying, “one day at a time” is so true. Sometimes it is one hour at a time. “Grief is having the strength to step forward in a life that you feel has ended”.
Peace and love, Karen
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I know exactly how you feel. I had to tell my husband to go as he was suffering. Even though when he was alive he slways said he wouldn’t leave me. At the end he caught a very bad infection which he fought bravely, but on that last day he was struggling. His sister and brother-in-law had been with me, when tgey went for a coffee i told him to stop being so stubborn and go. Which he did. I think he was waiting for us to be on our own. I miss him every day. Our friend is staying with me as he is between houses. I dread it when he leaves as the evenings will be lonely. But it has to happen i’m sorry ive been rambling. But i’m told things get easier. Im not so sure.
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