Thank you appreciate that, its a really hard journey xx
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Hi there i know what you mean i lost my mum to dementia in September 2023 and i am struggling to plus its her birthday Saturday it is so hard to carry on and fill that empty space you have sending hugs n kisses
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I joined this group in Nov 23 about 3 weeks after my mum died when I was feeling at my lowest the support I had on here was amazing and it got me through the first 10 weeks whilst I was waiting for my bereavement 1:1 counselling the grief never fully goes away but you start learning to adapt itās taken me a lot of soul searching and determination to carry on and my motivation is slowly returning it does take time and everyone is different but that long road I was walking has become shorter and the dark cloud that was engulfing me is letting in the light again I wasnāt me for a long time, but being back at work and on the right medication now has given me purpose again, life has been busy especially with my 2 girls 12 and 14 that Iām not sitting and dwelling any more, but everyday my mum is not out of my thoughts sheāll always be a part of me x
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Adapting to a new life without the guidance and support from my mam makes me feel completely lost. Like ive almost forgotten the person and how i even used to feel. Its like there was life before mam then just the rest after. When they our, our best friends and absolutely mam guidance, the word loss is always goiing to be an understatement. Even 6 years on i still get lost at 36, but il keep trying though 
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Im feeling exactly the sameā¦ lost and in a bit of an identity crisis. I hope you find some good distraction and anthing else you need too (wine) for moral support x
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Donāt get me wrong I still have bad days, I did lose myself but each day you get up and you put one foot Infront of the other, my mum was my best friend we did everything together and were never apart, she was my support when I needed a hug, she was everything to me, to go from seeing her every day and her phoning me every day sometimes twice a day to not having her support her love and to hear her voice ripped my heart in two and that will never heal when I have news I canāt share it with her when I have a problem I canāt tell her when I need a hug I just want her to hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok, I have to navigate my life without her and it is difficult and I do have moments when i think of her I miss her so much and the tears just flow.
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Feel like itās been a long time since I was last on here but infact itās just a little over a week, some days I donāt even know what day Iām in as each day merges into another Iāve been a bit emotional this week just want a hug off my mum and for her to say everything will be ok, the stress at work and constant headaches is getting me down Iām so exhausted even when Iāve had a full nightās sleep my energy levels are so low, can believe we are in July already and it was this month last year that my mum got her final prognosis the next couple of months are going to bring back so many unhappy thoughts as her birthday comes up in September also the day after when she was admitted to hospital for the last time and her 1 year anniversary, these past 9 months have been so horrible without her itās like Iāve been living a life thatās not mine and although Iāve come so far I still get days where I feel so lost I no longer have the confidence I once had I lost that the day I lost my mum now in its place is just constant loneliness and anxiety I donāt think I will ever be fully me again, how do you every fully come back from the loss of a loved on let alone your own mum x
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Hey @Lisa_L51
Sending you the biggest hug from a complete stranger who fully understands how you are feeling 
I am in the very same place you are, mum passed 28 august last year, and these past few weeks have been so hard emotionally, and no one gets it. I donāt know why, but in my mind Iām thinking about this time last year, and the anniversary is looming, like youāre feeling and nothing in the world can prepare us for what we are going through today or tomorrow. I like you, feel like Iāll never be the same person, tbh, I have actually accepted that to myself and trying to find the strength from only within me is extremely difficult. My mum was my world, I can only describe it as my biggest fan, she backed me every day, not in anything specific, just for being me. I miss her so much, these past few days I have just wanted to scream and cry at the same time. Iāve actually booked myself a break for 4 days to get away from this shit weather and the unrelenting grief that nobody close to me in my life gets close to understanding.
Here if you want to chat, i know this site and page 100% brings comfort and complete understanding as we are all in this together xx 
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Iām sat here thinking of additional ways in which we could all help and support each other, open to suggestions from everyone, but this is my proposalā¦. Would anyone be interested in getting together for a day or night, meeting each other and just having a support network, daughters meeting sounds quite fitting to just sit and talk and share our grief? Iād be happy to arrange everything re location etc based on responses and interest doing this ? I personally think itās a great idea 
let me know what you all think xx
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Hi Victoria, I am sorry for your loss 
your experience sounds like mine, mum was unwell, an ambulance took her to A&E, we had no idea how bad it was, really thought she was coming back home. We went there on a Monday and by Wednesday morning my Angel had left us. I keep replaying it over and over in my head too, something went wrong there. I have insomnia,
Endless nights of just repeating. I also get panic attacks which physically affect me and anxiety which is getting worse. I see your post was from last year,
My mum passed in August 2023, I feel I am getting worse in coping and I donāt want to see people/friends or anyone.
How are you getting on now? X
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Hi @Sienna1
Thank you for the lovely message, Iām right there with you, my mum passed in Aug 23 and something definitely wasnāt right, I never thought she wouldnāt be coming home.
These past few weeks have been extremely difficult for me and I guess Iām building myself up to the 1st anniversary.
How are you doing? Do you have any support or family around you? I feel so alone with people In my life because I donāt feel like they have any understanding of how bad life is without my mum. Iām 51 and keep thinking this is now my life without my mum, and honestly, itās killing me inside.
Sending you love and hope that we find the strength to get through this somehow xxā:kissing_heart:
Ahh I didnāt realise it was the same month for you too x the first person Iāve met who has very similar circumstances to me in terms of time frame x I am dreading the anniversary and also itās mums birthday the week beforeā¦
My angel mum had cancer, it was second time around and went into her bones and spine so she couldnāt move much, my life was taken up by looking after mum for the past 1.5 years which I loved doing except the endless chasing with social services and doctors was draining but I had a purpose and a reason to fight.
I always had a fear of losing mum but we kept our spirits up everyday and she was doing well the tumour marker was reducing. She was a real fighter though, her mindset was always to survive and she was always smiling no matter whatā¦ I keep that in mind when I feel really low.
I am living with my dad at the moment,
I have a partner who is supportive luckily. I have two brothers. I donāt really interact outside of this unit as I feel that nobody gets me at all.
My mum was my best friend, chose her over everyone I also lost my nan and grandad over the past 5 years, so itās been rough. Along with other problems life throws at you!
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Sorry I do talk /type a lot ! I survive day by day, sometimes moment by moment. I read a lot, listen to music to escape reality, I am
trying to go on walks locally but find they can be emotional as itās full of memories as I grew up around here. I canāt focus on things much and nothing else interests me really. Iām finding that friends are contacting me again to meet up but Iām not the same person anymore and probably couldnāt hold a conversation- not one thatās interesting to others. I struggle with sleeping at moment and panic attacks at night, so Iām focusing on surviving those and a little self care /distraction.
Do you have any coping methods?
X 
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@Sienna1, no apologies here for talking too much 
itās what this platform and all of us are here for.
I feel like it comes in waves, the constant missing and heartache never goes, but i feel like Iām thinking about so many different things that i have to navigate and cope with without mum as every day goes by that itās becoming harder. The anniversary is looming, just had my first summer holiday since mum passed, which ripped me apart, I would have been buying her gifts and ringing her every day telling her what we had done, as soon as I got home from holidays, I would be straight round to mums, with gifts and her telling me how tanned I was. Little things like that, that nobody but your mum does, absolutely breaking me lately. I could go on and on, she was my world and always put her first. The reality of never seeing her again in this lifetime is just too much to comprehend, even after 10 months 
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@Sienna1 hearing your mums story, and hearing how very evident the love and care you shared, the one thing for certain you can take from this, is that you were both privileged to have had such a loving caring relationship and were there side by side all the way. Some people donāt have that, I also had that with mum and it definitely gives me peace xx
Having family still around i think brings a certain amount of closeness to your mum and family but itās not easy to have that motivation or willingness to want to be sociable with people, no matter who they are, they donāt get what weāre going through xx
@Sienna1 Iāve reached a point where I donāt want to make that effort anymore for family, they just donāt understand and they will never be mum. At the funeral they all turn up, but thatās about it really. Iām pretty much aware that itās just me going through this and people like yourself on this platform x
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Iām sat here sobbing reading back how everyone is feeling, I just want to hear my mumās voice and have a hug off her, been quite emotional this last week again even had a cry in work on Friday when a new colleague was going on about his mum and how he wished she would hurry up and snuff, told him he better stop the conversation now, whilst I was trying to hold back my tears and thinking how I would do anything to have my mum back x
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@Lisa_L51 days like that, when people have no idea how all this can be gone in the blink of an eye.
I absolutely sob at reading all our grief. Iāll never come to terms with knowing that I will never see, hear or feel my mum in my life again. This kills me inside xx sending you heaps of love
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Hi @Lisa_L51
Iām sorry youāve had a bad week, itās so hard
Iāve had the worst day ever, the grief hit so hard
Hopefully one day all of us on here will find peace and have only good memories of their loved oneās, I canāt see it yet though 
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