I’m so sorry you’ve had a bad week and that colleague is so insensitive, what a horrible thing to say especially about their mum, makes me sad… our mums at least had us who genuinely cared and loved them/still love them x we were also lucky not everyone has this type of relationship… which makes it even more difficult.
I’ve had a restless day today, I’m just lost and don’t know what I’m doing with myself. I have been talking to my brother this evening about the day mum went hospital, it’s just on repeat and scary how things escalated so quickly.
I did have a nice dream last night though, I see mum in my dreams quite a lot 
Sending hugs and best wishes x hope this new week is a bit better
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Unfortunately he didn’t know as he is only new, not been feeling great this week either my head has been pounding non stop for 2 days I feel so sick not sure if I’ll be going to work tomorrow I just feel I need to sleep I’m just so tired X I’ve had to stay off here for a bit just to get my head straight and prepare myself for the next couple of months mum and daughters birthday September mum’s 1st with out her her then October my other daughter’s birthday then 3 days later my mum’s 1 st anniversary then 2 days after that my nieces baby is due it’s going to be a happy and sad occasion because my mum isn’t here for any of it x
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Hi Lisa, that’s a lot of important dates no wonder you are feeling unwell, guess you have to try and listen to your body and sleep if you need to, don’t over do it or force yourself to do things- if you can avoid it.
I also have my mums birthday coming up in 1 weeks time and then her 1st passing anniversary the week after 02/08. I am dreading it so much, and I have been struggling too with headaches, not being able to concentrate or sleep properly and panic attacks. I’m trying to do puzzles to occupy my brain as that seems to calm me down, I don’t know how but it does… otherwise it’s just a struggle. You’re not alone, take it a moment at a time… it’s the hardest thing ever I know …
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Think these next few weeks/months are going to be tough on all of us especially those that are 1st Anniversaries but this is my life now and I’m never going to fully get over losing my mum as she was my world and I miss her so much my heart aches every day when I wake to a brand new day without her in it x
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Alone with Only My Memory
Alone with only my memory,
Lost without you here,
Remembering comes so easily,
And with it fall the tears.
They say that time will heal this pain,
That someday it will fade,
But promises feel empty now,
In shadows where I wade.
“Move on,” they urge, but what’s out there,
When nothing feels the same?
Without you, I have lost myself,
Adrift without a name.
Each day I wander through this fog,
A heart so heavy, torn,
Trying to find a way to live,
In silence and in mourn.
Yet still, I hold on to our past,
Though sorrow clouds my view,
And hope that in the days to come,
I’ll find a way through.
Until that day, I’ll keep you close,
In memories, in dreams,
And wait for when remembering,
Brings peace within its seams.
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I’ll meet you there.
On the days I miss you most
I’ll close my eyes and sleep.
I will meet you in my dreams
in a moment we can keep.
I will greet you with a hug
and with things I want to say.
I will meet you under the sun,
a different place each day.
I will meet you by the river
or back at our old home, and
at times I cannot find you,
in my dreams I will still roam.
I will meet you in a coffee shop
at your favourite place.
I don’t care just where it is
as long as I see your face.
I will meet you at a park
so you can watch the children play.
You can take their laughter to heaven
to hear it everyday.
I will meet you on each birthday
we no longer share.
I don’t care where it is
but I will meet you there.
I will meet you in the sunshine
or in the pouring rain.
I will walk through any storm
just to see you again.
I will meet you in my thoughts
a million times a day,
along with every memory
I am lucky I can replay.
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47 weeks…… absolutely derailed me these past few weeks. The pain, the grief, the missing , the tears and heartache is beyond words. The anniversary looming for so many of us, it’s unmanageable x
Hope you’re all coping as well as we can 
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Hi Victoria, I am totally there with you, absolutely dreading it. My mums birthday is Thursday and anniversary next week. Sending you hugs…are you doing anything to manage this?
I have constant anxiety butterflies feeling all day today.
I have another issue too- we have had a death in our family, it is a double funeral this Friday and I am expected to go. I’ve been explaining to family that I can’t face it, it will tip me over the edge but no one seems to understands except my younger brother, my other brother sees it as a duty to attend. I feel I will go mad. Any advice please ? I was thinking show my face and sit in the car, if I don’t go my family especially cousins will be annoyed. If I go to it fully, I will have a breakdown. I am made to feel that I am being petty or stupid
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I am so sorry for the loss of your mother,I lost my mother two years ago while at the time I thought I was being a strong person this has hit me hard in the last two months.
I have and always will continue as she would want me to being a good father to my beautiful daughter but I have done a lot of crying and soul searching.
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I know what you mean my mum passed anniversary is coming up next month 26th it be the frist one i miss her everyday n i am trying to found ways to cope it just so hard
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Hey Victoria,
The loss of a parent is so hard. I feel your pain, my mum died suddenly 10 weeks ago after being sick with stomach pain for 5 days. We’ve only just found out that she died of a perforated gallbladder due to gallstones blocking her valve from her gallbladder and traces of cancer were fond in her colon. It’s all very complex and my dad and I are realising things now that weren’t quite right and we should’ve took her to the hospital the night before, it could’ve saved her life.
I know I can’t think like that, but hindsight is a harsh thing. I replay the Thursday night into the Friday morning when we found her over in my head all the time. The shouting of my dad saying ‘it’s your mother’ haunts me as I ran down the stairs. In that moment I knew she was gone and I can’t explain it. We did cpr, we did everything we could but all too late and now we pay the price of the loss. Seeing her head towards me as I ran through to the living room and seeing my dad doing cpr on the phone to 999 will never leave me. It haunts me every Friday, another benchmark of how long it’s been since I had her with me for the last time. She’s my best friend and this loss in unimaginable, I miss her more and more every single day and I feel like no one truly understands me.
I feel you, sending loads of love
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@KatieLou I’m so sorry to hear your loss of your mum and best friend 
that feeling of pain and loss is something I’ll never get over, like you, replaying everything over and over again. Sending you love and strength, every day is an achievement to get through, but we are all here, with full understanding of the grief you feel. I’m taking it day by day, as it’s mum’s first anniversary in 4 weeks. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same me again without my mum, I miss her so much.
Here if you ever want a chat x
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It’s my mums 1 year anniversary today and I feel sick to the stomach, it is hard to explain…the emptiness is even more so, if that’s possible. I don’t know how I’m going to go on without mum…making me feel so unwell mentally and physically, knowing no matter what I can’t bring her back.
You’re the only ones here that actually understand where I’m coming from ….
Sending hugs and love to all x
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Yeah me either, you know the fact I’ll feel this forever is an unbearable thought. The longing, the missing, the hurt, the pain, the regret. It all just becomes one big complex hole that I know will surround me always. I remember I was always grateful that she’s my mum, she was so full of life and brightness and her aura is pure with flecks of gold and she truly means everything to me. And I always said to myself, I don’t know how I’m gonna cope when I don’t have my mum and dad here anymore but I always said I’m grateful that’s not today until one day it is and it is the most unreal experience I’ve ever been through. I suppose it’s also hard because since we were young, our parents have always been here, looked after us, and even now in my twenties my mum and dad still look after me. All they do for me never goes unnoticed and it feels hard to think that I couldn’t save her life.
But then there’s the flip side, of my dad and I are not doctors and because what she experienced only happened once every so often, no pattern to it, no reason to believe it was anything bad because she’d always be alright after a couple of days. I suppose really it’s all those times before that clouded our judgement of this time and now we pay the price. And I know that’s not a nice thing to say but it’s the harsh reality of the realisation when it’s all too late. If I could go back to 10 weeks ago and change it, I would. I’d give everything, even me, to have her back here with my dad where she should be.
Yeah I get that, I almost like can’t think of the future if you will. I just have to get up and see how I am. Like the thought of any family events and birthdays and Christmas, that overwhelms me right now and I used to love all those things. Even though like I’ve gone back to work and I’ve seen friends and I’ve done things I always used to do, everything is tainted because she’s gone and now it always will be. I’m not the same me and I never will be again and last year was quite a hard year for me, I’d just started to heal from all that but now all this is so much worse and honestly I’m just tired of it all, I’m so exhausted from it all every day. I just exist, I don’t really live you know. I miss her all the time and I’m just really hurt that she doesn’t get to have the rest of the life she deserves. You know seeing me have children, her and my dad going on another cruise and holidays, days out that they loved to go on, and just you know like going to town with her and having a cake and coffee etc. All those things have been taken from me when they were some of my favourite things to do.
Have you guys had the funeral yet? We had my mums funeral just under a month after she passed away. I really loved going to see her in the funeral home, that was the nice bit funnily enough because it’s when we got to be together as a family again. I took great comfort being with her physical body again.
Always here if you wanna chat, sending love xxx
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@Sienna1 my heart goes out to you today, where has this past year gone, it’s mums anniversary on the 28th and dreading it. Sending love and strength to you, I fully relate with your words, the emptiness and heartache is horrific x😘
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Well, I’m 14 months into the loss of my absolutely perfect mum, life has never been harder 
how are you all doing and coping? Sending love to you all xx
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I lost my mum suddenly in May , we knew her health had deteriorated but we had no idea her time would come so quickly. I take comfort in reading everyone’s posts day to day , their feelings and thoughts. It helps me feel I’m not having these thoughts alone x
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It’s so hard isn’t it? This site has given me so much comfort knowing there are others here going through the same grief who can relate and offer some good advice in coping methods etc
Sending love and I hope today is a good day x
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what a week you have, I’m so sorry to hear you have lost another family member. It’s so difficult to manage day to day at the moment for me, I’m sure we are going through very similar feelings, I’ve had the anxiety all day too. I wouldn’t be able to put myself through 2 funerals especially with the anniversary fast approaching. I have taken myself away twice this past few months for some sun which did me good but it’s a short fix. I hope you manage to get through this week and hear if you ever want a chat. Sending lots of hugs and strength your way