I remember when dad died. It was the week before Christmas so I took a couple of weeks of my holiday along with the Xmas bank holidays & then went back into work. I’d sit at my desk in floods of tears but somehow I could get through it. I could see some friends & do some things. I don’t remember feeling so exhausted & empty. Of course I missed him like crazy & I cried daily for 18 months & went to his grave several times a week & couldn’t talk about him without breaking down but I still had mum so I could be in some ways strong. I can’t be that same person as I’ve crumbled now.
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Anna this is more or less what happened to me too. I was working early late and night shifts Monday- Sunday, sometimes double shifts as my job was unpredictable. When mum got ill, I worked day shifts but then when mum got hospitalised the first time I went off sick and was pressurised about going back to work, I was so stressed that I ended up leaving. And like you, their own occupational health had said I was not well with depression and anxiety. They said I would have to continue shifts for a while before I could apply for day shifts. My rep said to me-‘you don’t know how long you will be a carer for’ and that was the final straw for me!
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And this employer is a well known one but I won’t mention on here. I was disgusted at how I was being treated. I left my job but 3 months later mum passed. I’m glad I left it as I wouldn’t have had the mental capacity to deal with it. Plus I don’t want to work for people who can’t help at my time of need. I put alot of work and effort into getting this job and in fact they are desperate to recruit but yet they wouldn’t keep my job open !
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Oh that is unbelievable. HR are very callous.
I did a job that can be done from home & I dealt with non local office people & external teams mostly) but because I manage a team HR expected me to be in the office 5 days a week. I have to say that my eyes were opened when they advertised my job paying 20% more than they paid me.
Re families- it looks like your brother is better able to cope, or he could just be better at masking it Sienna. His coping mechanisms are different.
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You have been through alot losing both parents 
I’m glad you’re off from work, you can’t deal with that on top, it’s too much.
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The world must be full of broken people like us 
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Oh wow! 20% more, that’s so cheeky! That’s ridiculous…
Yes I think he is dealing with it totally different to me, he wants to be compassionate and help others and still have that time for others, however I am more closed in now and don’t want to let anyone in or get involved in their business as I find it petty in comparison. My mum always had time for others and I know that is probably a good way forward… I feel lost to be honest 
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I think the compassion will come back in time. You / we will never be whole again but what we do have is an incredible understanding of loss.
You have been nothing but kind, compassionate & thoughtful towards me so you have not lost it. All it is is that you’re hurting so much that other peoples’ minutiae is too trivial to deal with. If they came to you with a whopper of a problem I can tell from our chats that you wouldn’t dismiss them.
I feel lost too
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@Anna_321 I’m so sorry, you have been through it, and I can fully imagine how you must feel about the work front. I just couldn’t face going into work, putting on a fake smile and pretending everything was ok. I didn’t care one bit about work or my colleagues at work. The day mum died, everything changed and I still to this day, 16 months on, do not care one bit about work. I have been with the company 13 years, never had any time off other than 8 years ago for an operation, am a senior manager and I got told that I had 20 days sick pay and to phase myself back into work. Needless to say I didn’t, and took 2 months off unpaid. It changes how you view things in every aspect of life. I hope this year gets better, it’s brutal without mum. Xx
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@Sienna1 its disgusting how we’ve been treated, I hope you’re doing what works for you and not the corporate insensitive expectations. Sending love xx
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I think like this, and nobody talks about it 
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I just spent 4 hours at a police station reporting a theft ! It was so draining ! I know I can do it on the phone and online but I thought it would be easier to speak direct to a human. Long story but DPD parcel courier took my tv (which was a return) and now there is no trace of it, as he didn’t scan the tv into the system. Luckily I have video evidence of him taking the tv ! absolute nightmare which I don’t need 
it’s all these things that get on top of you
And it’s my grandparents birthday today, they had joint birthdays! They both passed just before mum, 2018, 2020, then mum 2023! Just been one thing after the other with the grand finale being my mum
@Sienna1 it sounds like a really tough day, 4 hours? To do what we think is the right law abiding citizens thing to do…. You don’t need this on top of everything we face to just get through the day, but respect to you for finding the strength to do it 
i hope you get everything resolved and sorted re the tv 
Anniversaries, birthdays, what’s the chances that your grandparents shared the same birthday? That’s so special, as an outsider looking in, that’s lovely. Let’s hope that they’re having a birthday celebration somewhere 
Sending love xx😘
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Oh my goodness @Sienna1, this is terrible although I’m not surprised. If it’s not the courier then there are people who follow the vans to steal the packages from your doorstep.
You were lucky to have a police station near you. My local one is many miles away.
Hopefully the company you bought it from will reimburse you or replace the tv asap.
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I too had never taken a sick day @VictoriaB1 & was a high performer, but that’s the Corporate world for you. I didn’t know how to play the system, nor did I have the headspace to play those games & just needed them to stop & leave me alone. I just can’t deal with the politics right now.
I will though have to find another job at some stage. Just the thought of the interviews & the fake enthusiasm I’ll have to show is exhausting me.
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Oh @Sienna1 that’s so much loss to go through in the last few years.
It so painful that we have all these dates that will cause us trauma each year.
As @VictoriaB1says, I bet your grandparents are partying with your mum & raising a toast to you for the strength you are showing in this most horrible of times. Just imagine how we feel about our mums & for yours to be back with her parents
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@Anna_321 im totally with you re interviews etc, I’ve decided to keep my head down and live off the last 13 years of hard work I’ve given my all for the company, which I’m no longer capable off. So I’ll hope that this gets me a years grace, on the other hand, I give zero ***** about work issues anymore, amongst plenty of other things in life, so I’m back to day by day 
oh how life has changed me since mum died xx
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I do think that to myself, that mum is with her parents x all 3 of them together. It’s sad that they were the 3 that held everything together for me on earth in human form, I’m hoping they are in spirit form around us.
The only thing that has helped me is reading, I don’t know if I’ve said already. Only a few pages a day, if I can. One of my favourite authors is Matt Haig and he has written a few which resonate so much with me. The Comfort Book- which I got from a charity shop is one you can dip in and out of, it’s not a novel but a collection of thoughts, extracts that helped the author who had a mental breakdown. Another is Reasons to Stay Alive. I read that when mum was still here and I was starting to go through that darkness and fear of losing mum before it even happened.
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