In the last week I have started to sleep a bit at night. Before that (the last 5ish months) I’d stay up all night as I was afraid of the nightmares. I quit my job as I couldn’t deal with the stress, the people, the hours, the constant questioning about how long I’d be off for & am I better now ( as if I should be over mum) but I too need to think about job hunting at some stage 
Someone else recommended Reiki after their bereavement so it’s really interesting to hear that you too find it beneficial.
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Hi Anna and all x I’ve had a particularly bad week really feeling the loss of mum even more so, just emptiness and a feeling of being alone in everything…but the past two nights I’ve had some really positive dreams of mum and I feel a bit more reassured. I’m struggling with physical pain in my hand and arm at the moment too, which I probably need to get seen to. It was RSI but it’s flared up recently. Will try to keep my head above water for now and take it day by day. Spent yesterday and today with my partner and this evening got a takeaway for me and dad and did nothing much just watched random tv.
Really hope you are all doing ok and surviving xxxx
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@Ally6 great to hear reiki is helping you, my brother mentioned it to me the other day actually, but I’ve never tried it. I will have to look into this too x
I was looking at reflexology. I had two sessions when mum was still around and they told me I was really stressed then! Cannot imagine what they would say now! I found it painful but then I did feel quite relaxed after it, although my feet were sore! I really want to look into it again as a therapy for stress and insomnia.
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I’m sorry to hear about your tough week @Sienna1 
It doesn’t get any easier does it. 
I don’t know how we reconcile with our loss or how to move forward.
It’s lovely that you dream about your mum in such a reassuring way. Surely this means she’s at peace & potentially it could mark you turning a corner. I really hope it does.
RSI flare ups are never a good thing. I hope you haven’t been overdoing things. Grief affects everything including slowing down our bodies from repairing / healing.
@Anna_321 the dreams do give me some comfort and reassurance that mum and love ones are around me, but it’s still not the same as having them here to share life on earth with them physically… I don’t know, I seem to be in an endless cycle in my thoughts and emotions. I know we are all sharing in this journey together x
The RSI is affecting me, I’m pretty sure it’s linked to my grief and anxiety.
I found something quite useful online it’s a charity that has a counsellor/therapist who has developed workbooks/exercises you can do for yourself to help you through thoughts etc. I have signed up for the ‘grief processing workbook’ which has been emailed to me. You can get it for free or give a little donation. I will see if I can add a link if anyone is interested
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This is the charity - The Loss Foundation, it is for bereavement relating to cancer, however the workbooks are useful for anyone grieving.
I have only had a brief look but seems really beneficial.
I thought I would share in case anyone else wanted to have a look x
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@VictoriaB1 that’s so lovely, mum sending down some sunshine x 
It’s been pretty dull where I am in terms of weather, but there is a bird which loves tweeting at 1am where I live haha ! Singing away all night long, it’s actually quite soothing x quite unusual too!
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Hi Laura
I’m so sorry for your heartache. I lost my darling mum nearly 2 years ago. I feel like I’m living another life, like you we were so close. I’m 53 and she was 74. I’m so angry with the hospital but every time I try to write a complaint it brings me back to that week of trauma & it’s too much. I guess that’s why the hospitals get away with so much as revisiting those emotions hurts like hell.
Laura you will be okay. I wailed for months. After losing my partner at 40 and my dad 6 years ago I thought I was a pro at grief but nothing hurts as much as losing your mum, especially if you had such a good relationship with each other.
Give yourself as long as it takes. I am a half glass full woman, my mum was a realist & doer but I’ve lost myself.
However I do believe that soon I will be okay. Sending love to you xx
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I’ve just replied to a Laura but I think I’ve got the name wrong.
Saying that my post still relates to anyone going through grief x
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@Sienna1 very unusual for a bird to sing at that time, but as you say, quite soothing. That has to be a sign for me, I think it’s it’s your mum.
I can’t remember if I mentioned it but when we had the snow the other other week, we got the sledges out and went on the front for an hour, it was fun, and as I stood at the door ready to come back in, out of nowhere a robin literally landed on the sledge. It was a message from mum 100%. Both myself and my partner felt it was mum.
I hope your weekend is going ok? Sending love 
I’ve put a picture of the robin below
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@Anna_321
I had a tough morning yesterday, I find this one of my key struggles, waking up to the reality mums not here, it sinks me every morning. I did manage to drag myself together by lunchtime and get out for some fresh air and have a nice walk with the pooch, which did me good.
How are you doing this weekend? Sending love xx
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Hi Jules x sorry for the loss of your mum it is the most life shattering experience ever…
I understand about anger towards the hospital and not wanting to re-open those thoughts and feelings as it’s too painful. I also do believe that’s how they get away with it…
In my mum’s situation there was definitely negligence by the GP, also my family and I believe the hospital made my mum worse. I couldn’t face going down the legal route either as I get panic attacks recalling it.
What I did last year, after a lot of hesitation, was that I wrote down the key dates of when everything happened. I took my time and then emailed it to a solicitor.
I realised I was the only one who was going to do this otherwise it would get left forever, so I felt the pressure. I contacted a Solicitor last year and they wanted me to call them to discuss which I didn’t do until a week ago, luckily my brother spoke as I couldn’t do it.
I want to get closure on the matter. We as a family know that whatever happens it’s not bringing mum back, it’s more about making a point and stopping them making the same mistakes again. There were multiple failures along the way for my poor mum, I feel like I need to do something to stop it happening to other mums and loved ones. It takes a lot to start the ball rolling, I totally get that… I don’t know how people do it so soon after.
Wishing you all the best on this journey x
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Awwwww that is so so so sweet, 100% a sign from your mum x Robins are my favourite birds and they say when robins appear loved ones are near. They are known to be spiritual birds and have a connection to lost loved ones x I’m so happy you got this sign, that’s beautiful xxxx 🩷:tulip:
When my grandmother passed in 2018, I was woken up by a robin that would come into the garden everyday, singing/tweeting really loud. I had missed my alarm clock and was woken by this robin on the fence! I then got the call about my gran so I always link robins to her.
My brother says I think I’m Snow White haha !
I love animals and birds x they definitely have a connection to the otherside in my opinion xxx
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You had a tough morning @VictoriaB1 yet you got up & got on with it. I think we were able to live such large full lives before that we don’t now give ourselves credit for what seem like small things to those who haven’t lost their mums, but which now are Herculean tasks to us.
The robin thing fascinates me. My mum was superstitious about certain things (magpies, breaking mirrors) but she never told us about robins.
Wow you had a lot of snow you lucky thing 
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Aww @Sienna1 I think that Robin was your grandma saying she’s ok, it’s 100% a sign.
I hope we’re all finding some comfort from somewhere, there has to be and the little robins are very welcome 
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Oh @Jules1586 it’s heartbreaking to read your story. All of us here are lost in our grief & not knowing how to live without our mums.
I wish I had the strength to confront the hospital & GP, but nearly 6 months down the line I still feel wretched & barely have the energy to get up each day. As you say this is indeed how the NHS gets away with in particular elder abuse/ neglect / care failure. I spent nearly 18 hours a day in the hospital for 7 weeks & the things I saw were so traumatic that I’m now trying to suppress them.
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I agree with you @Sienna1. I’d take animals over humans any day.
When my dad died we had 2 German shepherds. We brought my dad home the night before the funeral for the wake & after everyone left the dogs slept beside his coffin 
. They both gave my mum great comfort in her grief.
At mum’s wake my sister’s dog (who spent most of his life with mum because my nephew never gave him a minutes peace at their house) kept running into the room & checking on her throughout the whole day. It was really beautiful.
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Hi @VictoriaB1, for me to get up before it has got dark outside feels like an achievement. I just don’t know what to do or how to move forward. I’m so consumed by my pain. I feel like a spectator in life now as it’s been so long since I gave a damn about carrying on.
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It’s incredibly difficult from one day to the next @Anna_321
I’m so sorry, I can feel the pain in your words, it’s the most heartbreaking loss. Here if you want a chat and sending love and strength. Tomorrow’s a new day and we go again. My mum had many a true saying and one I keep thinking about lately with my struggles is that it’s not always dark at 7. I don’t know why, but it’s giving me hope that these dark days mentally, physically and literally will get lighter. I hope it does for us all xx
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