@Wendy12
I know what you mean, I used to be running here there and everywhere for mum and auntie and now there both gone, it’s the first Christmas I’ve not had to do their shopping, Christmas cards, decorations and without either of them here it’s just a massive hole, which feels like it’s in my heart too. They died within 3 weeks of each other. Never would I have thought I would be faced with this overwhelming grief in my lifetime. Stay strong and sending love xx
2 Likes
Thank you everyone for the messages of support and understanding. I can see why having a pet must be so beneficial in times like this - instant access to a cuddle but no need to make polite conversation if you dont feel up to it.
Sometimes i find i feel worse when im NOT crying, like it all feels calm up top but just feels really uncomfortable inside like this sense of dread sitting in pit of stomach. So im not sure i want to stop crying!
2 Likes
Yes. It’s like a pressure cooker in a way, it builds up and almost feels worse because it’s too much to hold inside you, you can’t bear it.
1 Like
I know what you mean when I’m crying I’m busy doing just that my brain switches of and I don’t think when I’m sat here not crying I’m thinking about what’s happened last few months what I should of done what I could of done better and then I feel 10 x worse.
1 Like
Absolutely- crying is all consuming and you dont have to think of anything else during that time.
Just had a 2 hour chat with someone who didnt judge, didnt try and jolly me along, just let me be where i was and spill my guts. It felt so good! Some people get it SO right, but they seem to be very rare!
1 Like
I lost my mum last monday and her funeral is this Friday. I was very close to my mum she was my best friend. My mother suffered heart failure for years and had mobility issues, but myelf, brother and sister cared for her. I knew one day she’d die and thought i was prepared, but it turns out i wasn’t and im sad, struggling and missing her. I want her back but i know thats impossible. My mum was generous, beautiful and she was my angel, i was blessed to have her. I’m not sure if I’m helping here. This is my first entry on this site, i just want to reach out to others who are going through a similar situation. Thank you.
5 Likes
Hello Ally.
Hope you don’t mind my joining in as I’ve been following all the posts and my hear goes out to everyone. Ally, I’m exactly the same as you. Single only child. Lived with mum all my life, I never left home and my Dad passed over 16 years ago. Mum and I were joined at the hip in every way. I think many people found that odd but it wasn’t odd to me, far from it. I lost mum 2 years ago this Christmas, just a couple of days after my 58th birthday. I also lost my job for the same reason and in fact, I ended up taking my pension early which wasn’t ideal for the future but it’s all I could do as I needed to care for mum. We have two little dogs who had never been left so now, I care for them and I’m so grateful for them. I too, despite every minute I’d ever spent with mum, had left her side the night she passed. On Christmas Day, I had a bad vertigo attack. I suffer from vertigo and it comes and goes and I’d not had one for ages but I think with everything that was happening, and I knew mum was coming to the end, on Christmas Day morning, I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t even change mum or turn her in bed and I felt terrible about this. I laid on the sofa and kept calling out to mum who was in bed saying I’m here mum, I’ve just got one of my heads! Mum was used to me having them and I just hoped she understood but I know she was lying in their knowing the end was coming. I dosed myself up with vertigo pills, too many but I had to try something as I was on my own and mum suffering. In the end, I put a post on our local Facebook page asking if there was anyone out there with care experience who might be able to help, explaining our situation. A very kind lady replied and walked to our home and turned mum and changed her. This upset mum as she felt the lady was rough. I’m sure the lady wasn’t rough as she sounded very kind and I could hear her with mum but mum had RA and had fractures in her spine so it must have felt awful for mum. On Boxing Day, I managed to get upright but still felt dizzy. I took more pills and sad to say, by this time, mum was crying out ‘ I want to die’. We cried together and I managed to get a DN to call and a friend, who’s husband is a doctor happened to send me a message asking how things were. I told her and they came straight round. A syringe driver was set up for mum and during the day, mum settled and slept. I sat with her all day and spoke to her. I really can’t recall if she spoke to me that day but the days before she had told me to remember that she loved me always. I’ll never forget that, bless her. By Boxing Day night, our dogs were asleep on the foot of her bed and I had managed to prop a pillow against the side of her bed and sitting on a dinning chair, had let me head rest on that. Mum remained settled, breathing shallow but regular ( I’m a nurse by the way ). I lifted my head about midnight and felt the room start to spin again. Looking at mum so settled with the little bedside lamp on, I thought my myself that I needed to be able to care for mum the next day as it would soon be her last day and for us to be together. I wanted to be well for her. So, I took the stupid decision I shall never ever forgive myself for, I picked up the dogs and went to my bedroom which was only the next room. I laid on my bed. At 2am, I must have dosed as I woke up and jumped up and went to mum, she was quite hot to touch but shallow breathing just as before. I went back to lie down and must have dropped off and woke about 4am. At that point, I just knew, I got up and went to mums room and she had passed……alone. Mum and I always held the view that nobody should die alone. Mum didn’t believe in it and neither do I but as a nurse, I’ve seen this happen so many times even when large families have done sitting rotas as others have said on here. Mum was warms and so I knew it hadn’t been long. Admist tears, I told her I was so sorry and even to this day, I can’t believe that mum would have left without me being there, even though I’ve told so many others that people sometimes choose to do this out of the love they shared, to save sadness etc. But, I can’t accept this for myself.
Sorry for the long story and I hope nobody minds my sharing.
Thankfully we have each other here and I’m so grateful for this. My prayers for everyone here are that everyone who is suffering from this most awful feeling of grief and loss can find some comfort somehow.
Mush love to you all,
X
6 Likes
Hi guy sorry for your loss it’s good that you reached out we are all here listening to each other, I don’t think anyone is ever prepared for the loss of a parent especially your mum when your so close, I lost my mum 7 weeks ago now but still feels like yesterday and although we knew it was going to happen and how it was going to happen we didn’t know when and we never got the time with her that she was told she had left we never had the chance to make any more memories as mum was imobile for a few months and she was weak as she gave up eating and drinking she was in a lot of pain and slept most of the day she was given 6-12 months but only last 12 weeks in that 12 weeks she’d had 2 falls fractured her hip was in hospital 10 days came home had another fall and spent the last 5 weeks in hospital and never came home.
1 Like
Even if we know we’re never prepared, I think, and none of our fears beforehand are as bad as the reality. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. It hurts so much when you’re that close. 
1 Like
Hi Lucy, sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing your experience. It’s so difficult, and i wonder if it will ever get easier, though I hope to share with you and other members on here to help myself and to help you and others. Thank you
1 Like
I can fully understand how your feeling I’d spent every day with my mum when she was last admitted to the hospital for 5 weeks I’d go in the morning after kids went to school and I come home at 7.30/8pm and the one day I never went was the day she passed away, but as I said on a previous post she said her goodbyes to me the night before even though she had slept all day she squeezed my hand as I was talking to her, so I think she knew it was her last night I just can’t accept she’s gone and never will, I just wish I could of gone with her.
3 Likes
I went to see my mum at the Chapel of rest this afternoon and I said to myself that i wanted to go with her. If I knew for certain there was a better place where she is i wouldn’t hesitate going there
2 Likes
Thankyou I’ve found it a comfort to just talk knowing other people are going through similar situations not everyone grieves the same I let my grief out I cry Infront of people that’s just the way I am I can’t help it I was so like my mum in many ways quite sentimental infact, I can’t hide behind a smile like I did before something shifted when my mum passed I used to be able to hide how I was feeling inside I just can’t anymore as I’m in constant pain my heart aches inside, I’ve become agitated amongst crowds to the point I near have a panic attack, Ive Been signed of work 5 weeks now but I’ve been off since she died and I’m not ready to even contemplate going back yet I’m physically and mentally exhausted the GP has put me on medication for anxiety and depression I’m too scared to take them, I’m not sleeping I have builders doing work and I’m going in hospital Saturday for an operation general anaesthetic, my mum would want me to carry on with life, I’m just not ready to.
2 Likes
lucy you’re breaking my heart. i’ve wish many a times i’d gone with my mum too…
1 Like
I’m sorry x
1 Like
it’s painful beyond words to hold on…
1 Like
She’d want you to live your life, the life she gave you, just keep talking and sharing we are all here to help you’ll have good days and bad I find the evenings are worse for me when everyone has gone to bed, so I just message away most of the night if I’m lucky I might just get some sleep tonight as I’ve been feeling quite heavy headed today. But just chat away there is always someone listening x
3 Likes
Don’t give up I’m not going too my mum gave me life and one day I will live it X we say these things as that’s our way of dealing with our grief x
3 Likes
@PaulaE i’m so sorry for your loss - It sounds like you were devoted to your mum, you did everything you possibly could to the point of propping yourself up by her bed when you could barely lift your head! but i know what its like to always think you could have done more. We are so tough on ourselves but if we were advising a dear friend we would be far more forgiving! Christmas must be an especially difficult time - sending hugs your way 
2 Likes
today is the 61st day since mum left. i don’t know why the pain is seemingly worse. she gave me the greatest gift of life and i’m so weak
1 Like