Sorry everyone’s been struggling so much, I’ve been reading all the messages… this is the toughest journey and only we can support each other I feel x
3 Likes
@VictoriaB1 that sounds like a lovely idea, hopefully we will be able to meet then and sharing stories is a lovely thing to do x it’s our own therapy group x
2 Likes
Exactly what I thought, our own little therapy group, and I can only see it bringing us support 
2 Likes
I understand what you mean about the counselling @Sienna1. I just got a notification to book my assessment & right now I’m at the point where I need to bury things deep & not bring them to the surface. I also have concerns about getting just 6 sessions as I take time to settle & trust. I don’t know if this will do me more harm than good, leaving me in a worse place after the 6th session.
I was desperate for counselling back in December when I joined this forum. I was non stop crying back then & I could articulate my pain. I can’t go back to that place, not that where I am (feeling dead inside) is great either but I can now at least fake it in front of my youngest nephew. No kid should have to worry about an adult the way he has had to about me.
2 Likes
I’m just catching up on the messages, @Anna_321 @Sienna1 @Ally6 sending you all so much love and understanding. I’ve said it before, our feelings and grief are so understood and alike, I’d be lost without such understanding. The counselling debate is where I’m at, I tried it after about 4 months of mum dying, but I just couldn’t take to talking to a complete stranger about something so life changing, I was still in shock, and after 2 sessions I felt no benefit. I’m still not ok with taking this route as like you have all said, do I want to open up everything again to be left to pick up the pieces after 6 sessions. I don’t think it’s for me tbh.
@Sienna1 im so glad you had good results after what can only be described as a horrendous experience.
I’m back to one day at a time, it’s the only way I can function and process.
We will get each other through this though, we have to for our mums xx
2 Likes
@Anna_321 @VictoriaB1 agree with all points about counselling, exact reasons I’m not going through with it. This is the second time I’ve attempted it but I just can’t go through with it.
I have had talking therapy before when mum was still here and that didn’t help, I needed more sessions but I had none left. I don’t want to risk it again in this state!
Some friends and family seem to think counselling is going to be a magic cure as it worked for them when they lost their mum, dad, loved one. I now think in hindsight that I was trying to appease others around me by trying counselling as it seemed to make them feel better… or it made me appear to be ‘doing something about it’.
Counselling may have worked for them but it doesn’t mean it works for everyone, especially when it’s about the loss of someone so significant that a part of you is now gone forever. I acknowledge that not everyone has had this relationship and we are lucky we had it with our special mums xxxx it is a unique relationship which not everyone will understand.
I guess just go with what works for you, personally it’s not for me, not right now anyway
2 Likes
I agree. People seem to think I / we need counselling & pills to make our ‘problems’ go away!
Worse still are those who want to know if I’m better yet…
2 Likes
Crikey … we are all at one here, and yet so alone with the people in our lives closest to us.
@Anna_321 @Sienna1 . People actually think that if I or we, in people’s minds think, go for some counselling or go to the GP and get anti depressant pills that we will be ok, back to the people we were before we lost our worlds. Absolutely never. I know through exchanging messages with you all that we had a love and mum daughter relationship that so many people don’t, hence they just don’t get it. I used to speak to my mum 4 times a day easy, every day for life, talk about everything that was going on day to day in our lives. Some of us have lived with and cared for our mums, day in and day out, they were our world. A pill or a random councillor isn’t going to fix me xx
1 Like
Absolutely spot on there @VictoriaB1 we all understand one another so well, as we had that unique bond with our mums, they were a part of us and our being x
I too spoke to my mum constantly throughout the day, she was just always there no matter what and when you care for someone it is even more special, as there are no barriers whatsoever physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually… we were one with our mums … and I believe we still are spiritually and emotionally x
1 Like
@Anna_321 thats the worst thing to say isn’t it!? Like it’s going to get cured or you’re going to get over it sometime soon. People need to accept, we won’t be cured and it will never go away- how can it. I’ve had so many messages to meet up and people are behaving as though nothing has happened.
The more I think about it, I wonder whether these beautiful mums of ours were actually earth angels, they came here to raise us, to spread that love and then they were needed up above to look over us all, and like we acknowledged, I really believe they have brought us together on here.
I look back and think to myself how did she do certain things when she was faced with so much struggle and pain, always smiling and getting through day by day. My mum’s my biggest hero and inspiration. When I went to the hospital yesterday I was in my mums shoes for a short while and I was once again just stunned by how this amazing mum of mine was such a warrior, such a fighter. The only way I got through was by thinking of how mum got through it.
Sorry I have gone on a bit x
I hope we all dream of our mums tonight
3 Likes
I agree @Sienna1 we were and still are one with our mums. We’re so fortunate to have had this wonderful love and relationship with our mums. My partner doesn’t have this with hers and neither do some of my friends. Grief is the price we pay for love and i wouldn’t change it. My mum was pretty close to perfect as a mum and a human being. Her love was worth this heartbreak every minute of every day x
3 Likes
@Sienna1 i love your beliefs, you are such a strong person, you have so much strength. I feel like you do about my mum. I think about the struggles and pain that she went through, yet gave us her everything, to make us so strong, to prepare us for this, they were earth Angels and they have definitely brought us all together.
Every now and then I will pull an angel card out of my set, always believed in angels, I’m sure my mum is my biggest one x
2 Likes
Morning all 
I totally agree that counselling isnt for everyone, and i think you know when/if its the right time to seek counselling support - dont ever feel pressured to do it because family/friends suggest it. However I just wanted to share my perspective as i personally have found counselling beneficial not just this time around but also when i lost my Dad, and ive also had life coaching at significant points in my life. You’re right, counselling wont “fix” or take away your grief, and no counsellor I have been to ever attempts to do that. I think thats what family/friends think its for, buts its not. For me the counsellor has been a support as i navigate my own grief path - a sounding board for what im thinking/feeling, a place of non judgement, and also offering useful insights and alternative perspectives. At a time when i lack any substantial support from friends or family, that has been a complete lifeline. However i completely agree that if youre accessing a limited 6 week session block, that can stir things up and then leave you feeling unsupported again. I am naturally a very reflective person (the sort that sits quietly in a training course mulling it all over) so having a sounding board is something that works with my personality and thinking style. I noticed within a couple of weeks of starting sessions that rather than just the raw pain of grief, my brain was mulling things over, trying to process stuff. So for me that was helpful. Having a weekly session meant I’d jot things down in the week - difficult episodes with friends, attacks of guilt etc and know i had somewhere to unpack it. Its also helped to identify previous incidents dating back to my childhood that would explain why my attachment to mum was so incredibly deep and why the loss is so painful.
Sorry for the long post, but i just felt it important to share some positive personal experiences of counselling 
But it always has to be a personal choice. And finding the right counsellor is also really important, they all are trained in different counselling approaches, and some may not have specific grief training. So if you do ever decide to try counselling its worth doing some research.
Hope you all have an ok day - im currently battling a headache so not sure im going to achieve much! 
3 Likes
Hi @Ally6 thanks for sharing your experience, I’m so glad it helped you through, that’s a great insight - thank you x I am not ruling it out completely, for me it’s not the right time but in the future I may take that step again x I want more than anything some guidance on how to cope and survive but I guess part of it is fear of opening up x
2 Likes
@VictoriaB1 love the idea of angel cards x your mum is 100% your angel, believe in that and it brings some peace. I will share something very special with you, around a week ago when I was going through the health scare, my brother had a dream of my mum and she was an Archangel, he said she was massive, empowering standing there like nothing could stand in her way and yet had the kindness and love beaming out of her. She didn’t say anything but he felt the energy. This image is what has kept me going, I believe she saved me x this was so special and I’m sharing to give you some comfort too, we are all energy and part of the universe x I’m not one of those spiritual people really, I can be quite sceptical, but I am believing it more and more especially with my recent experience. Sending love xxx
3 Likes
@Ally6 reading your message, you expressed and shared your counselling experience in a way that is so inspiring, it is so relatable but also such good advice to so many of us, it’s a huge step for us to even consider and your words have helped me so much, thank you x
2 Likes
@Sienna1 Archangel, I truly believe that the dream your brother had was real, these signs don’t happen to everyone or often, they are real. I absolutely love that your mum is an archangel, Thank you for sharing this, it is so special, and yes, it gives comfort, but for me, it affirms that our mums are protecting us as our angels. I’m going to turn an angel card over tonight, sometimes I just feel really close to them.
I’m with you, I think your mum saved you with your recent health scare and your brothers dream says it for me xx sending love
2 Likes
Weekends are so hard without mum, every day is, but weekends hit hard.
I hope that you’re all doing as well as we can be, I’m sure you all have such wonderful memories of doing mother and daughter things together on a Saturday and weekend, I’m going to try and look back at some photos tonight and feel the love and memory of some special moments.
Sending love to you all xx
3 Likes