Your not your just grieving like the rest of us and it’s natural to be feeling that way it’s 50 days for me today x
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I know my Mum said her 50s was her favourite age so i sort of feel duty bound now ive hit my 50s to try and do something with them. I dont have any desire for life right now, so with having to look for a job i figured maybe i try and find a job with a charity, where i can give back to others. Theres all those people out there with life limiting conditions who would give anything for extra time, maybe if i can find a job that helps THEM, then even if i dont value my life much right now it will help someone else.
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Hello Guy.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to find your way here after loosing your mum. So many of us will understand, that I know. Nearly two years since my lovely mum, my absolute best friend to say the very least, passed away. But just thinking Guy, and reading your response on seeing your mum in the chapel of rest, you managed to reach out and get to speak with us all here. So, that’s a good thing and a step. Just a single step is good. Like you, I’d go to my mum and even take the chance if I couldn’t find here where she has gone. But, just before my mum died and in her suffering when she thanks me for all I did for her ( believe me, I felt I’d not done anything ), and telling me to remember that she loved me always, I promised her she mustn’t worry, that I would be ok ( I couldn’t tell her how I thought I’d feel and it’s much worse than I thought too ). I also told her I’d be ok as I had to look after our little dogs. And so, even on the darkest most awful moments which still come every day, I feel I can’t let her down. Though I’d love to do away with feeling so much pain, I have to keep on, somehow.
This site is wonderful and so are the counsellors if you ever feel that might help too. People are so kind but also have real understanding. Always here for you if you ever need to chat.
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Thank you Ally, such kind words.
It’s a funny thing really as my two best friends are also nurses, palliative care nurses and though they do not live near to me, when I told them, they both said exactly what I would have said to relatives and which I’d witnessed too with my own eyes. Just hard as you say, to apply to ourselves. I was devoted to mum and vice versa. My mum had a still born child before me and so when I arrived, a little late in life for those days, I was so loved……I’m so thankful that mum was my mum. X
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@Guy im so sorry for your loss, its so recent and must be very raw for you still. Im 6 weeks in and still not really believing it. Theres nothing i can say to make it better, but know that you’re not alone, ive realised there are SO MANY of us hurting, and its because of all that love we held for our amazing Mums 
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Totally agree try to keep strong just keep talking xx
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Thank you for a lovely message and i look forward to chatting more with you very soon x
Thank you Ally your messsge is much appreciated and i ferl greatful, i am sorry for your loss too x
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hello guy, i’m so sorry for your loss. i don’t even remember the first week after my mum passed. it’s all a blur to me now. my heart goes out to you and your siblings.
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Any time Guy. Take care now.
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Hi @Guy
Im so sorry for your loss of your dear mum, sending heartfelt condolences. We are all here having lost our own mums, I lost mine 15 weeks ago today, I don’t know how I’ve survived this long without her. She was my world. I have found the community here has brought me so much comfort, people who can genuinely empathise and offer an alternative to outpouring of our grief. I hope you find this a positive place. I hope the funeral goes as well as possible on friday. here if you want to chat. x
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Thank you Peter and sorry for your loss too
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Thank you, Victoria, and sorry for your loss too x
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Sorry for yr loss its so hard here if you need a chat x
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Sorry for yr loss x
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Morning everyone, just sending you all a hug your way to start your day 
I always find getting motivated in the morning hardest because that reality hits you again.
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I’ve had zero motivation to do anything was going to put my tree up and just looked at the decorations and cried
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Bless you, this is such a difficult time, so many past memories and family traditions associated with this time of year. I’ve not got any decs out, just a photo of mum from Christmas 5 years ago next to a white rose, a candle and one of her robin ornaments. Not sure i can face the tree.
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Thanks for sharing such a lovely message 
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Hi all,
I wanted to share this with you, hoping it gives something to smile about or some comfort to what can only be described as the worst days of our lives.
It’s now been 16 weeks since I lost my mum, I never thought I’d make it past 1 week without her in my life. The pain, the heartbreak, the loss, the void, the emotional torture, there are so many words but only you all truly know and understand. Christmas is coming, and I feel as though I am preparing myself for an extremely difficult time. This past week I have taken comfort, by thinking about what mum would want me to do, how proud she would be that I’m even functioning, that I haven’t derailed, that every day I am thinking of the Christmases we have had, so privileged, such happy times and we are not all gifted that in life. life without her will never be ok but I’m hoping and praying that I’m still making her proud. I have found some strength from somewhere and wanted to just share it with you 
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