I lost both my parents without much warning. My dad died just over 4 yesrs ago, just 9 days after finding out he had terminal cancer. Mum died in hospital in January last year, she had been admitted with something quite minor and picked up an infection while there and didn’t make it out. To top that One of my cats had to be put to sleep last year after developing a brain tumor. I am still finding things tough. I had 2 lots of counselling last year and am on antidepressants and am still suffering with insomnia but not as bad as last year. I work full time and am about to start a vonteer job to help fill my time, take my mind off things and hopefully make new friends xx
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Hi, my mum suddenly passed 6 weeks ago, taken into a&e…no signs of anything serious…then she died 2 hours later, so unexpected & im left broken hearted. Our relationship was incredibly strong, she was the most selfless, loving, caring human you could ever wish to meet. I don’t know how I’m meant to carry on without her - I was wondering if you could let me know how you’re feeling now? Does it get easier? Everything seems so pointless without her here! Thanks for listening x
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Victoria
Your post really resonated with me. I was a carer for my mum also. I am the youngest with siblings but I feel I took on most of my mother’s care.
I too did not have children which I so regret. As a result, I am also left wondering ‘who will be there for me’ when my time comes. I kind of ‘parked my life’ in order to be around for my mum as her care needs increased. I also never ended up getting married so the void that I now feel is immense.
Sending love and support to all who struggling. X
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@Ally6 I find that some people ask how I am and I feel like they just want me to say that ‘I’m ok’ and move on. They don’t really want to hear how completely broken I am. I guess that’s the ‘discomfort of grief’ for some. A colleague who hadn’t seen me for months gave me the gratuitous ‘sorry for your loss’ speech. He then followed this, by asking me if I ‘felt some kind of relief’?… I was shocked, especially as he knew the warm and compassionate way in which I used to speak about my mother. I replied “no, not at all”
@Princessemz I’m so sorry for your loss of your lovely Mum 
6 weeks is no time at all and under the circumstances of it all being so sudden you are probably still in shock. You just can’t seem to make sense of it happening.
My lovely Mum passed away 19 months ago and yet it all still feels like a dream sometimes and I can’t ever believe I will not not think I can still call her to tell her something. I’m not going to lie, it’s tough but somehow we carry on, day by day. The intense pain still comes over me and I miss her dreadfully. Just take it one day at a time.
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@kaz511 Thank you for taking the time to reply back to me, I’m so sorry about your mum! The calling and texting is so hard, I will momentarily forget and see something she would like or tell her about something and realise I can’t text and it just breaks my heart! EVERY single thing good or bad that happened in my 40 years on this planet I text her first…everytime!!! I miss her so much! She was taken so quickly - she was literally here one second & gone the next! I don’t know how I’m supposed to carry on without her she was my comfort blanket, my biggest supporter, she listened to everything I had to say & loved me more than anyone else ever could! I was blessed to have a mum like her…truly blessed! I just hope & pray I will see her again when it’s my time…that’s what keeps me going. Sorry for the long message!
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@Princessemz I totally understand. My Mum was my support for everything and I have found that the hardest, I’m 53 but still need my Mum to make everything better ! I have tried to put all her love and care into my own children as I know that’s what she would want. I am the same and just pray that I will see her again in the next life.
Do you have a good support network ?
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Hi kaz, yeah I have a good support network but still feel completely lonely at the same time! Iv just brought a book from Amazon about coping when your mum passes. My mum always talked about her own mum and how much she missed her - 29 years she was without her mum, I pray to god that they’re together now x
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I lost my mom this week. We were so close just like you. Im struggling with ocd and waking up in the morning and remembering
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@Jenny21 I’m so sorry to hear of your loss It is the most devastating time, nothing can prepare you when you have to face the worst situation.
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Thank you for your reply. Its the worst thing ive ever experienced. Tomorrow we are making funeral arrangements. Im lucky because I have people to support me but when the feeling of fear and panic comes over me I get so frightened.
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Hi Jenny, I’m so sorry! I feel useless not being able to give you any words of comfort as I don’t know them myself. I have purchased a book from Amazon today - coping with the loss of your mother, have a look at that, I haven’t started it as it’s only arrived today but the reviews were very good! I’m hoping it makes me feel normal in this black hole of grief and longing and sadness! I wish for my old life back, the one that had my mum in it! If you need to talk or vent or just chat about your mum you can private message me anytime! It’s good to have people in the same boat, even if it does feel like it’s sinking! Thinking of you
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Hi Jenny21
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know how much your heart will be breaking.
I’m so glad you have support with the funeral arrangements. I pretty much was left to organise that myself.
For myself, I went into ‘organising mode’. It felt like I was organising a funeral for someone else, not my own mum.
It will be five months tomorrow that my own mum passed. I still feel like I’m in shock. She was the one constant in my life and its a very very hard adjustment. The funeral director told me before the funeral, that i wouldnt be grieving then. She said it would only be after the funeral that I would really start to grieve. She was definitely right about that.
Look after yourself and message anytime.
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Thank you for your reply.
Waking up is tge worst time for me, just all rushes back to you. Going to try to walk my dog this morning but then have phonecalls and arranging to do but my sisters will be with me.
The book you have sounds like it might bring you some comfort x
Sorry, the other lady had bought a book, sorry im getting confused x
Thank you for yiur reply.
I hope the book will bring you some reassurance and comfort.
My mom was my everything. Im not sure it has really sunk in yet, it wasnt even a week ago yet x
Hi Jenny
How did it go today with the funeral arrangements? I hope that you got through it ok.
Don’t worry about the book thing…although i might purchase it myself!
My mum was my everything also. She has been gone 5 months today, still so hard to believe.
x
Thank you for replying.
Its this afternoon we go to funeral directors.
The last couple of days ive felt at times almost normal and I can’t understand why. It has only been a week. The first few days I cried and felt so dreadful so where has that gone? X
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Hi, hope all goes as well as it can at the funeral directors. One thing Iv learned since losing my mum is grief isn’t one size fits all! I have cried EVERY single day for the past 7 weeks since I lost my mum, some days are worse than others, some are tears looking at photos or memories and some are breaking down in a total mess because I miss her so much - I have 3 older sisters & we’ve all dealt with it differently…one of my sisters cried the day she died and then didn’t shed another tear until the funeral, she kept busy & distracted to stop the tears & I did the complete opposite and couldn’t get to 3 hours without crying…everyone is different and there is no right or wrong. You may feel ok these past few days and then boom it hits all over again. We just have to try and be kind to ourselves. I have days where I think I’m doing ok and then just out of the blue whilst washing dishes or cooking tea I’m a mess all over again! We’ve lost our mum the person who gave us unconditional love & brought us into this world it’s by far the hardest journey Iv been on. Take care x
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Just got back from appointment. It was ok and we made some decisions so feels like we made some progress. Didnt really feel like it was about my mom, very surreal.
I honestly dont think that it has hit me yet. Im just trying to keep occupied and concentrate on doing practical things. X
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