I lost my daughter on the 17th October 2021 in a road traffic accident. I literally feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t see how life can go on feeling this way.
1 Like
Hi Clarepaige,
So sorry for your loss. Truly devastating no words can ease your pain. It is only days since you lost your precious daughter. It’s 11 weeks since I lost my daughter. The feeling you can’t breathe you can’t think you can’t stop crying. The feeling is this really happening to me is everything that I have experienced. Do you have family and friends that are supporting you? Being on here has given me a sense that I am not alone and I hope that you don’t feel alone in your grief. I was told grief is like the weather storm clouds come then the rain and then the sun comes out and that might only be for a second or too before the storm clouds come again.
Remember you are not alone
Mrsmac
1 Like
Hi jss how are you tonight .ive sat looking at sams photos all night. Theres so much i want to say . I was with him night and day for the last four months of his life .but i never said enough .he never wanted to talk he carried on like my loving sam he was never sad never angry . It all just dont make any sense. I just want to talk to him . Love zoe
1 Like
Hi zoe not too good tonight I have just been looking at other posts trying to find some help for guilt. It’s bad enough with the pain of loosing them without all the guilt and what ifs. He went so fast I wish I had time to let him know how loved and how special he was. Wish I had done the CPR better wish I had done so many things better. I know I did my best but feel it was not good enough. That’s all we can do is try our best and we do worry so much about them what ever age they are. Thanks for asking . I was feeling so down thinking what can I do , I found some comfort from someone’s post , that’s the good thing here there are always others having the same feelings, sometimes it’s all just so overwhelming I feel I am imploding or exploding not sure which. You sound like you are having a tough night too xx
1 Like
Hi im so very sorry .you must be in extreme shock . This life throws these terrible things at us . I lost my son sam to sarcoma .he was gone in less than four months .i feel the same the pain . I hope we can all help each other im so very sad for you zoe
Hi jss .i think its the shock we are in for the loss .i cant imagine doing cpr .never think if only you had done it different .i feel no matter the out come would be the same … we beat ourselves up with the what ifs . Im sitting here talking to my cockerpoo .its like he senses everything i just feel like screaming . Sorry jss .was ment to chear you up zoe xx
Oh bless you, we don’t want cheering up do we, that’s just impossible .we just want a bit of empathy ,it’s only talking to other people going through the same thing on here who understand, so we know we can just say it how it is. I mean I have friends who say phone anytime and I know I could have phoned one of them up and they would have listened to me , but I also know they cant get it no matter how much they want to help they can’t understand , so why burden them xx
Hi Jss,
I get that too friends always say ring me I’m here for you anytime. It’s just something I cannot do. My mum and brothers do check in with me but my sister has never even phoned me since the funeral. This has helped me to know that there are mums out there who are feeling the same/similar to me. Even though everyone story is different and we experience different things we ultimately have lost our precious child.
Mrsmac
1 Like
Thank you, I just can’t see this pain ever leaving or getting better. I have chronic illness too and can feel my health declining. Life is so cruel isn’t it. It feels like I’m loving a nightmare. My daughter Paige was the girl in the Liverpool tunnel crash it’s been all over the media which isn’t helping and they’ve written things that just wasn’t true. I do have some family around and the first week friends all messaged but feel like all that is slowly stopping now. Her body is still in Liverpool too which is just awful as I’m in Birmingham. Do you still feel the same pain now as you did in the first weeks, 11 weeks is still very recent and raw. My thoughts are with you also x
My pain is there all the time and the sadness comes over me in waves. I have flashbacks to the night she passed away and when I left her at the hospital I didn’t see her for over a week and that was hard as I was her carer and saw her everyday. She had to have a post Mortem which devastated me and still does. The tears pain and sadness are there because we loved our daughters. I hope you get to see your daughter soon as it will bring you some comfort.
You have to focus on yourself and look after your mental and physical health something which gets over looked. Eating, sleeping and hydration are all really important even in small amounts.
It’s easy for me to say but ignore negative media reports. You knew your daughter and focus on those wonderful lovely times, who she was and what she meant to you.
It is along path which we now travel to make sense of our loss. I maybe a few steps ahead of you but know I am on that path.
Just take each second, minute, hour at a time.
You are in my thoughts.
Hi claire its just a blur of days . I try yo get dressed go for potter round garden this has to get better .i dont know how .but i get you . .you dont reliaze that your not alone just keep texting zoe x
1 Like
Hi Zoe, yes it really is. I can’t believe it’s been over a week already. I’ve just got dressed but I feel like I can’t even stand for long my head is so heavy. It’s all the what ifs isn’t it. My daughter wasn’t going to go Liverpool and changed her mind last minute 
. Life is so unfair. How long has it been for your loss? X
Sam passed april 27 th. His funeral was 25 th may .i feel like it was yesterday. .nothing seems real really and everyone claire has what ifs. I wonder is life planned its very wicked. I think its a very lonely toad we walk .always here .somany nice people in the same boat .try look after yourself so so raw zoe xx
My son 20 passed in Feb, 2021. For very different reasons but I know the feeling of quilt. I think we all have it for many different reasons…I could have done this differently or I could have done this better or I should have done this. We have to forgive ourselves because for whatever reason this has happened and no amount of punishing ourselves is going to change this tragedy. It has been 8 months for me. I have seen a psychologist since march even though I don’t remember my first few sessions also a phsycatrist from early on. I am in a stable place. I still cry and ask why my baby but I am managing. For myself talking about Josh helps and I talk to him at different times and tell him I love him…I truly hope he hears me x x
2 Likes
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son he was 22 years old I lost him about 4 weeks ago and I understand your pain. Like I said I am 4 weeks in and I have good days and bad days mostly bad days on the weekend or when I am triggered. This is the second child I have lost. I am grieving right now but I want to reassure you you will get through this. It is painful but better days are ahead they might come one day at a time but they will come.
1 Like
Racy,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It i the worst pain imaginable. I am about 8 months in. I have good days and bad still, triggers are definitely a big part. I found one of his jumpers and it still smelt like him. Songs are a big one. I remember in earlier days when I thought there is no way I will get through this and now I see we learn to live with it and it becomes a part of us. Thankyou for sharing you story, my heart goes out to every person on here. This space is a huge reminder you are not alone and restores you faith in human kindness x x
2 Likes
I am also sorry for your loss. Thank you I appreciate your support and, it is definitely hard, but we will make it through.
1 Like
Sorry to read about your son. My son was awful at replying and lived 5 minutes away so I went to check on him. I found him passed away on the sofa. He was cold like yours and it still bothers me that I don’t know how long before I got there that he went, I only know he was up snd about 1130pm and I went at 2pm. This was 7 weeks ago now and we had his funeral 2 weeks ago. We’re still waiting for a couple of results but the cause is unknown.
Im missing him so much. I used to want to go everywhere but now I don’t want to bump in to certain people, I don’t want to listen to the radio in the car, shopping feels like a task I want to get away from. He worked full time so I saw him whenever I could, usually every week but he was planning in coming back home. We had a family holiday booked too. He struggled with his epilepsy and that I’d a possible cause. I keep wishing for signs he’s here snd wish I could hold him. I don’t know why he didn’t tell me he felt unwell that day before or I would have checked on him more.
How are you getting through it all? Thoughts are with you x
2 Likes
I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I find your story one of the hardest to read but needed to reach out to you as my own daughter also passed away at home in her bedroom from the same cause as your own. I’m forever replaying everything over and over in my head as to why it had to happen and why wasn’t there any of the “normal” signs to say something was wrong. The guilt is eating me alive. I have 3 other children and 1 grandson but for all the joy they bring me I can’t help but feel I’m betraying her by smiling, laughing, all the things I used to take for granted. It’s like Groundhog Day in my brain but at the same time so much has changed. I hope this makes sense
1 Like
Also like you I have had family and friends walk away. I know their lives have to continue but it’s like it never happened. We used to be so close and no we hear nothing from them until it comes to birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries. Which makes my blood boil as I feel they shouldn’t get to pick and choose which days they want to support us. I don’t expect for them to be at my door day in day out but just a message or phone call to say we’re still thinking of you. They are all so quick to post on social media though!
1 Like