I know what you mean about turning the clock back. My husband died so suddenly within 18 hours of the hospital saying he had a chest infection, he was gone. My brain still cannot process this change in my life. But I am getting on with things and have gone back to work now. I find the mornings the hardest, just getting up and no one to make a cuppa for. I make sure my days are busy from beginning to end. I thought we would grow old together now I am a youngish widow which I donāt really like. My love to everyone who is struggling xx
Aw yeh i know ! A cuppa in the morning every day until he got unwell ! I find nights hardest ā¦ i always cry at nights cos i dont get a cuddle i found i could hardly move in those first weeks ! Almost like i was paralysed with grief affects everybody differently doesnt it ? I just wish id spent all those last days/weeks i had with him more jealously ā¦ and said more to him but think he knew and also you hang on to hope dont you ? Thinking they may get better or make it through and when they donāt your world comes crashing down - take care everyone and do whatever it takes to get through xx
Hi there
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. The grief that comes with losing someone you had made a life with is brutal. I lost my partner of 34 years in December. I donāt know what I expected to feel like- I had not gone through this before, but I guess I thought it would become easier not harder. For me, I am in the āgrieving for my futureā kind of stage and I think that it can become harder too because others assume that we must be feeling better as time goes on, eventhough that can leave us feeling even more alone. I am glad that you have posted here as it is a place where you will soon see that you are not alone in how you feel, there are so many people going through similar situations. Personally, I have not been someone who posts online a lot but for me, it has been a comfort to hear from others who understand. I know that in itself it cannot solve everything but just hearing a supportive, kind comment from someone who really does understand might help you through the worst times. I hope you do find some comfort here, sending all my best wishes to you xx
Thank you very much for I think I expected to feel a little better by his first anniversary and instead I have went back down down and I donāt feel like I have a fucture because he was my future nomatter what else and our daughter lives with her grandparents because I am very unwell a lot of the time after cancer treatment so Iām all alone and I donāt sleep and go through a couple of nights awake and then sleep all day. Is there something wrong with me or is that something that happens too? Thank you for I feel so lost I could cry AGAIN x
Aw ā¦ be nice if your daughter came and stayed a few nights you might not feel so alone with all this ! You got a lot on. Take care and i know its rubbish without our partners isnt it ? Xx
I had cancer ten years ago but it was really bad and I had intensive treatment and was in the cancer center hospital for ten weeks but I beat it but I have been terribly ill ever since and I wake up vomiting really bad and it scares her and a few other near misses and her dad had ms but he was never complaining about anything and he had a gold tooth with a big smile so I never thought he would ever go before me but watching him slowly dying the last few days killed part of me. We were always in the house because he was in the hospital bed in the living room and I was on the sofa and we watched everything good Netflix had, so I donāt really have any friends anymore but if they were real they would have come seen me. I just donāt seem to be able to leave my house and I have started to take anxiety attacks when I go to get dressed! Itās really scary and my doctor is not taking me seriouslyā¦. Itās just greif but thatās not helping me!!!
With everything you are going through I would be amazed if you didnāt feel this way. I cannot imagine having to deal with cancer treatment and bereavement together and to be doing so alone must be dreadful. I am no expert but when I read your post it sounded as if you could be suffering from depression, understandably. It might reach a point where you need to speak to your doctor or a professional about how you are feeling. Itās not your fault that you feel this way, be kind to yourself. Just the fact that you are reaching out on here is a first step, you should not feel alone when you are going through all of this. X
I have chronic depression from a young age. Iām lonely but Iām only lonely for him xxx how are you doing I got so upset I forgot about my manners x
Please do not apologise, there really is no need.
I have days that are worse than others, when I feel that the future is bleak. Other days I can put that feeling to one side and get on with things. It is always there, just not right there in front of my face stopping me from functioning. If I am honest, I do struggle quite a bit at the moment but thatās my journey -I have my health and family so I am lucky.
I think there are online resources on this site such as someone you can text from Sue Ryder. This might help? I know you said your doctor wasnāt helpful but there might be help through other sources.
Take care x
@Angiesuggs my experience was the same. Mags died of sepsis from a chest infection in 18 hours. It was like witnessing a car crash in slow motion. No one expected her to die. She was sedated to āgive her body chance to fight the infectionā. The last thing she said to me was a set of instructions to look after her horses. Iām glad she didnāt know though. She would have been so scared if she thought she might die. I miss her so much. I hope youāre all ok.
I am so sorry for your loss and speed that your partner passed. You donāt even have time to process what the doctors are saying. I left him the night before having antibiotics for a chest infection. I said āsee you tomorrowā didnāt even give him a kiss as he had grown a bushy beard which I hated. 10 hours later the doctors were ringing me to say they couldnāt do anymore. My brain still canāt process it. I think I lead an alternative life now without him. I am at peace with it but canāt say that I like it at all. I hope everyone on this site finds the peace and courage to move forward. Sending love
Its is horrible without them isnt it ? I miss my husband every day. We spent a lot of time together and i loved him so much ! I hope he knew that think he did ! Its like youre a different person isnt it ? I dont like it and i hate being alone but what can we do ? Nothing !! ;( xx
@Angiesuggs god we were exactly the same. Mags gave me a list of things to do before she was sedated. The last thing she said to me was āyou donāt know what youāre doingā and I laughed (she said that a lot, she was right). She knew how much I love her though, and as I said Iām glad she didnāt know what was coming. F*** I miss her so much. Willing you all through it xxxx
Yes I was dreading the funeral as well. I was sure how I wanted it to be a Christian service but also gat my husbandās life would be honoured and what he was to be the focus of witness. I was worried about everyone catching covid so didnāt want it to be long and it kept to 1 hour long only.
Used the same basic service we had had for his mother using words and hymn. My son read the eulogy and the vicar a home made poem and I write a poem and read it.
I practiced before many times and actually was calm when it came to it .
Luckily there was a mic.
My son read ok until the last very personal feelings he shared and stumbled with emotion and it was a tense moment when everyone held their breath but he did it. There was a ripple of spontaneous applause and again they held their breaths as I followed him. The vicar asked if I was ok as he was ready to take over if I couldnāt but somehow I did. I felt I had to do this for him. The vicar said he was sure he wasnāt there but had gone to be with God.
I kmow we missvyhem do much dont we ? take care ! Its not fair ā¦ it really isnt ! My husband was such a lovely man and he didnt deserve this ā¦ somebody said to me other day ā¦ neither did you
If thrt were bad people it wouldnt have mattered so much would it ā¦ but they were our beloved and its not fair !!!
Hello everyone. I drove down to Andover on Sunday just to say goodbye to Deb. I took my favourite photo of her and her teddy bear sheād had since a child. I cant explain how much I miss her and regret not saying so many things to her. Now sheās gone and its too late. Iām not coping very well this week I cant stop crying. I had to book a holiday to Turkey for September as she wanted me to scatter some of her ashes there as she loved the place but it wonāt be the same without her, Im dreading it. I think next week Im going to try to get some counselling as I cant see me carrying on at the moment. Im so lonely and I miss her so much all the time. She shouldnāt have had to suffer with that cruel illness, she was a lovely kind vibrant person and too good for me. I donāt know howbto cope or what Im going to do. Thanks for reading. Geoff
Aw geoff i know ! Its horrible isnt it ? Youāre not alone you know ā¦ i recently read a book called languages of loss by sasha bates ā¦ she describes her devastation so well ā¦ why dont you try read that as well as sort some counselling. You can order it online xx
@Geoff1
You will hopefully find the strength as you will be doing the trip for Deb. It makes so much difference and gives us determination to do things for our loved ones I think.
Must have been very emotional going to Andover so hugs for that.
Karen xxx
xx
every day until he got unwell ! I find nights hardest ā¦ i always cry at nights cos i dont get a cuddle 
you might not feel so alone with all this ! You got a lot on. Take care and i know its rubbish without our partners isnt it ? Xx