Dear Helen
I don’t know what happened with that last message lol…my sister phoned and when I went back into the message it had posted like that!
Anyway I’m thinking of you…Covid19, elderly parents, our lost children…you’d think someone would give us a bit of a break…
Big hugs friend xx
Purple
Hello all dear friends , it sounds like most of you have had a lot to cope with ,whats wrong with with the other relatives ,do they not understand what we are going through ,its hard to cope as it is . Yesterday we did go to Sarahs and i must say out came the mask , Sarahs mother in law we like ,but she came in looking awful , and i asked what was the matter ?, and she said this is the first xmas without our beloved dog,who died in June . But i must she did say i cannot to begin to understand whats its like to loose a daughter . . I do know she understands ,as she has always been good to us . But i must admit ,for once it was nice we had agood time ,and actually and peace to all of you Maddie xxx
Sorry i did mean to say ,its the first time i have laughed in a long time , and i must admit today feel really guilty.x
Hi Lisa, Victoria & Purple,
My mum like your mum in law is very self centred. She walked out on my dad when I was about 11, my grandparents (her parents) were absolutely brilliant to me she went off with a man 13 years younger than her and I did feel excluded. Even in later life whilst Roy was OK, I would say mum do you want to go shopping and it was always oh no Roy wants to go out so I was left to my own devices. Now she needs me and keeps saying you have to do this or that your my daughter. I have always been of the belief you get out what you put in. So for a while I am back on an even keel today…tired as I haven’t slept but other than that I’ve turned my mind to all the lovely memories that I have of Sam. Thank you all for being there and replying. Purple, she had a great relationship with both Sam and Geraint, she probably realised how she had treated me and tried not to do tht with Sam and Ger. I am very low at the moment anyway but I’ll keep getting up!!
With love to all you dear friends
Helen
Hi Marina,
I will do that I am trying so hard to keep focused thinking of all the lovely crazy things Sam did, which helps. I just think like you said about selfishness. She has always been self centred but even more so now.
Thank you all for your replies. It helps to know you’re thinking of me.
Love Helen
Hi all,
Just wanted to say I’m here thinking of you all and trying my best to keep going for our daughters but we have all been on edge and snapped a few times but we have got through 
i visit Matt at the cemetery most days and take a coffee with me and have a nice chat, at Christmas and other occasions we take Port and all have a small glass which we did yesterday with our daughters, we also play some of Matts favourite songs which is nice, I try to keep my mind busy but when I go to bed all I think about is Matt and struggle to sleep, sometimes you feel guilty if you have been busy and not thought of them as much or have laughed which sounds daft but you all know what I mean, sending you all my love and am thinking of you all and praying you can get through this time knowing that our dear children will always be with us as each day that passes we absorb them back in our hearts where they belong 
God Bless you all, love Michelle xxx
Dear Michelle,
Thank you for your kind thoughts, Christmas day has been and gone ( a rather obvious statement) and we have survived. Your words are wonderful, God Bless you too and I hope that you will gain Peace. Love Mary xxx
Dear All, I am surprised how well we have got through.
Jamie came over with Brooke for dinner and Jemma is playing with Brooke just now with her Doctors set. She has a white coat on and, as I write she is taking Jemmas blood pressure! So funny, I am trying not to laugh too much in case she thinks I M making fun of her. She looks so serious with her toy stethoscope. The little ones keep us going.
Love and peace to you all.
Kate:heartpulse:
Dear Michelle
I wish I could be like you and visit Henry and spend time there. I’ve only recently had the stone laid and it was like a punch seeing his name and a date of death.
I managed to go yesterday but it was overwhelming and I had that emptiness all over again. I also saw my nephew Oli and his Mum.
You’ve got such strength to do what you do and I hope I can get there. I don’t feel guilty now for having happy times. Henry was full of life and I want to do my best for him as you do Matt.
Big hugs
Purple
Hi Purple,
I have been going since Matt passed last year, I take a little chair and a hot drink I don’t stress if I can’t go but I go because even though I have his pictures everywhere and feel he is with us everywhere, the time at the cemetery is one to one time just for him, probably sounds odd to some people but its a huge comfort and its a lovely spot very peaceful and local I have also made some friends there who have also lost their children and only they know how you feel:heart: Mary thanks you for your kind words love Michelle xxx
We havent got a stone yet for Lisa. Her ashes are at home with Jamie and Brooke. I think Jamie finds that a comfort.
My husband has reserved a plot at the cemetery and wants to have a stone. I dont think I can cope with that either. He is also wanting a plaque by the Highland Dancing pavilion in the centre of the village where Lisa danced as a child. I don’t think I can cope with that either!
Much love to you.
Kate xx
Hi Kate,
I understand exactly what you are saying as I still have my moms ashes, Matt was buried so it sort of made the decision for us, I think the plaque would be lovely as it does help and its lovely that other people will also have somewhere to perhaps place some flowers or just stop by to say their hello and chat about memories they have, Matt was a soldier so his name has also been inscribed at the National Memorial Arboretum which although has been very hard and emotional we are also very proud, we all have different stories and we have to do whats right for us and if Matt was cremated I think he would be with us at home still, as I would really struggle to part with him
Love Michelle xxx
Hi Everyone,
Michelle, I’m so glad you how are able to visit Matt’s grave with your family and feel close. Purple, I feel your pain seeing the stone, it’s difficult, I hope it gets easier for you. I do appreciate being able to go to the cemetery now. It was so difficult at the start but it’s another way to honour Jo. The cemetery is near the Primary school she attended and now my Granddaughter attends. At playtime, the children can be heard at the cemetery and that lifts my spirits that she can hear this. Only my husband, myself and her husband attended (6 months after she passed) as we all could not face another ceremony, we felt it was easier. I’m not sure if that would be for everyone though. Family members do visit regularly.
A memorial service was held at the school where she taught and they dedicated an area of the garden with a seat and plague in her honour. I cannot describe the pain I felt that day. (tears are flowing as I write this) Everyone was so lovely and I feel so proud.
I do think many people would expect us to find things easier as time passes but we all know, don’t we? that is doesn’t.
All my love
Chris x
Dear All, I feel so emotional reading the posts about your children’s memorials.
We have Gemma’s ashes at home with us and that is a comfort to me. I feel that I could not keep her safe in life so feel that she is safe now here with me.
We will have to find a place for her at some time though and that will be in the cemetery here in Woodstock. It is a peaceful place so I think she would be happy there and people can visit, take her flowers and chat to her. But I would like to keep her a little longer, snuggled up here with me, like she did as a baby.
I miss her so much 
Hi Victoria,
I have Sam’s ashes here with me as well and like you I know that eventually I will have to find a final resting place for him but like you also I find it hard to let him go and after 4 years it will be so hard yet I know it has to be done, and so for the moment it is easier and safer for Sam to be with me. It was always me and John that Sam gravitated to, he walked away from Philip (my ex) no one knows why not even Geraint but I think Sam saw something in the way he treated people, also I think he knew that Philip didn’t like Mathilda. I am surmising it was just that both of them always came here as opposed to seeing his dad. I think that spoke volumes.
With love
He;en
Hi All
My daughter died in a RTA just over 4 weeks ago. It was the day that I put the tree up. I’ve been reading all your posts. I feel devastated and the pain is unbearable. I can just about write this as putting it into words makes it so real. I still cannot take it in that she is gone. She was 40 and living with me at the time as she was inbetween properties. I can’t go in her room or look at any photos. All I do is cry all time.
Deborah
Dear Helen and all, I feel quite emotional today as it is Charlie’s birthday. I feel so sad that he doesn’t have his mummy here on his birthday but he is so brave.
On his last birthday he spent with Gemma, Gemma asked us to have him for a few hours and when we took him home for his birthday tea, bless her she had bought him a new desk for his bedroom and set it all up as a surprise and he was so pleased … he loved it. A few weeks later she left him for ever.
I am so glad that you and Sam were so close and he clearly loved being with you. So hard for us all but I am so glad that we have each other xxx
Dear Deborah, I lost my youngest son on the 4th December three years ago, he was in his flat all on his own it was sudden and unexpected, he had appeared fit and healthy when we had last seen him four days earlier so the shock when my husband found him will remain with me for ever. He died of arrthymmia which non of us including Christian knew he suffered with. I know exactly how you are feeling at this moment, but trust me little by little, step by step it will get slightly easier even though you won’t realise it at the time…My son will be with me always and after three years I am living my life as I know Christian would want me to, it’s my gift to him…
This site was my saviour so please keep posting…Marina xxx
Hi Deborah
I lost my 25 year old son 4 weeks ago. I had put my tree up early but I took it down. The pain is unbearable and there is so much disbelief. I cannot believe I won’t ever see him again and I really can’t see now how I can ever feel any happiness again. I have another son and I feel I have to go on for him but like you I cry all the time. How can they be gone so young. I’m sending hugs to you x
Ruby
Dear Marina
I feel very hopeless at the moment and feel like I don’t want to carry on. I know that you are further down the line with your grief and I am going to try and just get through today and see what tomorrow brings.
Deborah