Hello everyone, it’s sad to hear when this awful thing happens to more people. I do hope communicating with people on this site helps if only in a small way. I would like to share a verse with everyone who is suffering.
Grief
never ends…
But it changes.
It’s a passage,
not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith.
It is the price of love.
XXX
I know what you are going through, I lost my son Daniel on 24th November 2016 he was my only child, he died suddenly, it was a complete shock I miss him every second of every day it was just me and him
Reading through these posts of such sadness and grief I think WHY why do they have to take our children it’s not fair it’s not meant to be that way,you bring life into the world not then for it to be taken away… non of it makes sense…It’s a cruel world
My whole being cries with you at your most terrible loss. To lose your boy at such a young age is tragic and heartbreaking. As others have said on this website so many of us are on this horrendous path. Every morning we wake and have to relive again and again. Sharing our inner thoughts does bring some relief but the agony and the tears remain always with us. I hope you have good people around you who can physically and emotionally support you through, sharing with us here does give you a voice to scream and shout at the unfairness of what has happened. There many kind words which help and we all look for signs from our beautiful sons and daughters. Sending you love and the warmest of hugs. Wynne
Hello Wynne, Helen and all,
I have been reading your words but have not c ontributed much since the summer.
I too went away for Christmas, but even before we went I knew it was a mistake, Chris loved Christmas, and here we were trying to erase it this year.
We went Fuerteventura me and my daughter, plus the grandchildren. I really did not enjoy it much although the Villa was lovely.
We had a lot of trouble getting a bench on our local green, but eventually got it put up this week. Just in time for his birthday, which is on Monday. That will be harder than Christmas I think.
I went to sit on it for the first time last night, and I felt him near me. I think he is pleased it is finally up after nine months, from his death.
His friends will be pleased too as they have been asking.
It doesn’t get any easier does it, I get on with life, but still have a lot of moments, when I miss him so much.
Love to you all who are going through this process.it is so hard sometimes,
People who have not lost someone, do not understand.
Love
Polly
Helo Polly, and all
It is a lovely thing to get the bench put up, I may be quite wrong but it was probably the local council or the parish council dragging their heels that it took so long. I am so glad you felt him near you. It is such a comfort, like you and all the rest of the mothers on this site it is so difficult. After one of the ladies mentioned a book by Gloria Hunniford I googled her and there was an interview with her (she lost he daughter Karen Keating to breast cancer after a 7 year battle) on you tube. She mentioned that losing her daughter meant she had this black hole and you could so easily tip into it but gradually as the years passed you learn to skirt around it and the good memories outweigh the bad. Even though just occasionally something would tip her into that hole even after all these years. As she said you never get over something like this you gradually adapt to it and learn to live alongside it.
with love Helen
Hi Helen ,Wynne and others, is so comforting to read how we are all on this terrible road and how we are finding different ways to to keep in touch with our beloved children . we have had quite a good week, on M onday we were both at our lowest we had not had any heating since we came back from Garda and we both had the flu and both felt down after trying to get through xmas without it being too painful, but we have had a lovely little robin come up to us and did not want to leave, then a couple of hours a beautiful white feather right outside the back door, then that night , slight tapping which I cannot explain, I am, so sure it was from Dawn, telling us she knew how we were feeling, oh I do hope so , but how do you prove it ? love to all Maddie x
Hi Maddie,
I am 100% sure that was Dawn telling you she is near…remember love is way too strong a bond to break apart when death occurs, so their spirit energy and the love she feel’s for you both so she will use everything she can to let you know she is near and always will be
with love Helen
Hello everyone here,
I keep asking Chris to come home. Does anyone else do that or am I completely bonkers ! I asked him to come home for Christmas, and found a silver heart directly on the path as I opened my door Christmas morning. It had come from his tree that my grandchildren had decorated, but I know it had come from him.
His reply to me is. You know I am always with you. But I still want him to come home.
Love to you all Anneka x
Hello Anneka,
No you’re not bonkers…because if you are then the rest of us on this site who have lost a child are as well. When I saw Marcus the spiritualist he said that Sam knows that I want him to come back but he said all his motor skills are working now and he doesn’t want to come back, he’s happy. He also said that Sam is all around me and tries to show me so that I know it’s him. I know with 100% certainty that Sam will be waiting for me when I pass over, whether that’s sooner or later. I have no fear because Sam will be there.
With love Helen
Hi everyone. I’ve been reading all your stories s about feeling your loved ones around. I truly believe that they are watching over us until we can bear to live again without them. It was my son’s birthday today and I sat on the bench. He was truly near my daughter and I. I asked him if he was happy and his reply in my mind was, I’m learning. I do hope he is happy with his new learning. As long as he is happy, I can find peace
Polly
Hello Poly, Helen and all others, lovely to hear about how your son was near you and you felt he was happy. I wonder what he was learning? Today I am missing Daniel so much and as Others have written I would give all we own to hear him coming through the door and kicking his muddy shoes off calling out “ Hiya mum”. Sometimes I think I smell his unique scent and just wish to chat once more with him. These dark January days and the greyness of the skies compounds the terrible lost. I am beginning to feel more guilty too that we should have done more when we knew he had cancer. Should we have been more proactive and badgered the medical team and asked for a second opinion, should we have paid to go private. Would he still be here if we had tried harder? To say we miss him is such understatement. How to carry on? It is comi;g up for one year and the horror of spending the rest of 2018 without him just seems so unbearably hard. Love to you all. Wynne xxxx
Hello Wynne,
I too like you have my dark days where it hurts so much that he has gone, please please don’t feel guilty…you have absolutely nothing to be guilty about. You like every other mother and father on here did everything they possibly could for their children. Cancer is so invasive it has no respect…whether that be for age, or a special celebration. We cannot get a handle on it, as Mr Iyer the neurosurgeon told us, there are only 3 types of cancer we can use the word cure with if caught at the earliest possible moment that is breast, testicular and womb. This is because they can remove all of the affected area. With Sam’s and Daniels all they can do is manage it and to be truthful not for very long. John and Sam’s brother spoke at length to the Consultant Oncologist when Sam was re-diagnosed and we were told there was nothing more, he said he has worked within oncology all over the World and no other Country spends as much as we do on cancer drugs and research and development his words, "why do you think I am back here working. If you smelt his unique smell then he was trying to tell you he is near, Daniel will always stay around you. Whenever you get really down just think nothing can break that bond of love.
with love Helen
Dear Helen, Wynne and all.
I spoke too soon about finding peace. I’ve done nothing but cry this weekend. Going over things I could have done differently. Guilt about things done or not done is so destructive, but we all go through it.
I’m sure our loved ones would tell us there’s nothing to be guilty about. But we all wished we had done more.
I have even taken his photo down for the moment, because every time ilook into his loving eyes, I can’t help but cry.
Grief is such a random thing, one day you are nearly fine, then it hits you like a ton of bricks.
I know we are all going through the same, and people say it will get better But in a perverse way I don’t want to feel better.it is illogical I know.
I may try a medium again, but don’t know if it will help or not.
Sorry of ramble on, but it helps to speak to others who are grieving in the same way.
Love to all
Polly
Hello everyone, the feelings of guilt are so hard to cope with. We go over and over things time and time again trying to make sense or reason but we never fathom it out. Even when you think you have, it all eventually comes back and we have to go over it again. It’s like torture. We haven’t been able to stop this happening to our precious children and as parents, we feel we should have. We feel responsible. There’s no answers, it’s so hard.
X
Hi Wynn sorry for your loss, I lost my son age 33 to panceratis, it was a shock because he died suddenly, the pain is unbearable, but you will get through it, I just lost my partner 63 of cancer and it has brought all the emotions back again. I find comfort in wrighting to my son on his Facebook page, sounds daft, but it really helps me.
Dear Elaine, Helen and all. Thank you to all of you who are going through this terrible pain and loss. It is getting so close to the anniversary of dear Daniel’s passing and to be honest I still can’t believe that he has gone. Every day he fills my mind with his being. I am dreaming about him more and wake up feeling he is still with us. Do you find this too? I so much want to keep him part of our lives but at times I do also feel he is slipping away. I question all the time about why, why, why. My faith has still not returned but I also want so much to believe we will see our loved ones again. So hard and so unfair. Sending you love and hugs. Wynne
I worry that I have not dreamt of Christian yet and when I do will I be able to cope with it…I understand when you say about keeping Daniels memory vivid in peoples minds this is also a worry for me I want Christian to be remembered for always and fear in time he may be forgotten not by family but friends neighbours and others that knew him…It helps to come on this forum and talk about Chris because it feels you know him just as if he was here himself…I hope this makes sense…xx
Hi Wynne even thou it’s over five yrs since I lost my son, it still hard to understanding why and not seeing again is unbearable, we have to remember the good times and you know they would not want us to be sad. I carry my son with me always, I have a locket with a picture of him, and when I feel sad I just hold my locket in my hand and it gives me comfort,
Hello Wynne, Helen and others, you are so right Wynne some days it still realy hard to except that we never see them again, it just dose not seem real . Dawn was such a strong pearson, I thought she could fight anything , but I think her body had just had enough , and she could not fight it any more. at the moment all I can think of was why didn’t we stay longer with hEr when she passed , but I know we were all tired it was 2.15 in the morning and we had been with her for days , , and also why didn’t we persist that weybring her home for xmas, when they would not let us , it just haunts me every day, but it too late now , I have just got to live with those bad memories . Hugs Maddie x