Anne, we all know how hard this is. I had a really bad day on Monday. No idea why, it just was.
The way you feel just now is how we all felt in the early days. You just don’t want to carry on. However, you do carry on for those here with us who need us so much.
None of us will ever get over the loss of our children but in time we learn to put it just over our shoulder. Always there, reminding us but we are able to function.
Hang in there. We all know how you feel.
With love, Kate xx
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Dear Anne and Deborah,
We all know just how you are feeling as we have all had the same thoughts but it will get a little easier, it is still incredibly hard going on without them and I feel I’m just acting out a part in play like I only exist to keep everyone else going which I suppose is true because I can’t imagine how they would cope if they were to loose me aswell, just as your families wouldn’t cope without you, please try to stay strong you will be ok we promise 
sending you much love Michelle xxx
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Hi all ,
Me too . Have had a really bad couple of weeks . I agree with what Michelle has just said . I feel like I’m acting out being me but I don’t know where I am because I’m not me anymore . Not the me that had a son I loved so much . My daughter had a baby just before Christmas . She has two children of 6 and 8 but said she wanted another because if anything ever happened to one of her children then they would feel like she did now, on her own , and she couldn’t cope with that . She also said she’s having trouble sleeping worrying what she’d do if anything happened to me .
I’m good at not letting other people know how I feel but as soon as I am alone , or driving my car , it gets me . I feel like batting my head against something . I feel as if I’m not here , I’m in a dream . I’ll wake up soon and my son will be texting me … alas not … I feel if I start crying I will never stop but it’s so hard to keep going . It’s 16 months now and it gets harder every day . I’m hanging in there though and reading all your messages . They help so much . Love to all XX
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Hi, it’s now 19 months for us and some days are so hard.
I feel normal most of the time now but all of a sudden a bad day just happens.
Stay strong.
With love, Kate x
Dear HJP,
Thats just how I feel too, its been 21 months for us but its just feels like it was a blink of an eye, Matt was in Africa when it happened and this weekend was his his last weekend at home which is very difficult as it will be two years since he was last home with us we were wishing him well as he was looking forward to going even though he said it dreaded leaving us all and it was meant to be for 4 months but he never made it home it will be two years in May since he passed and I’m not sure who I am any more and struggle as we all do on this site just getting through each day is a major achievement, keep posting big love to all Michelle xxx
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Dear Anne, Deborah,HJP and everyone,
I’m sorry the pain is so bad and continuous.
Sometimes it’s like the grief is consuming us.
I still have bad days but as others have said, definitely have more good days. Our loved ones still here with us do need us…and let’s say we could leave them…would we really want them to feel even more pain? And would our loved ones who have left want us turning up early?
Embracing the new life we have isn’t easy but there really is joy to be found.
We’re into our spring routine now so up at six and walking by eight. All the bulbs coming out and birds busying in the garden is so uplifting.
Like you all I’d love things to be different but I know my boy is there on the other side doing whatever and without a doubt one day I’ll be there too. We still send each other love.
I’m sending you all big warm hugs and hope you can find some peace and respite from the sadness.
Purple x
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Hi
Thank you all for your kind encouraging words. I am in so much pain and don’t know how to deal with it all. The inquest is coming up at the end of March but may not now go ahead as the police investigation still hasn’t been completed. Its all very daunting. Its looking like we will never know what happened. We have found out that someone else died in the same spot a few months before. Its so tragic, there should have been a barrier in front of the fence then my daughter wouldn’t have gone through it and down the embankment. I feel so angry, my daughter might still be alive if there was. All Highways England have said is they send their condolences. The local MP has been campaigning for more safety measures on that road for ages. Its taken my daughter’s death for people to take notice. Its makes me feel sick and my stomach doesn’t stop churning. I cry all the time, it should never have happened. I am finding it so hard to live with it. I miss her so much it physically hurts. I know that you can all identify with these feelings, it is so sad.
Deborah xxx
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Dear Deborah
It’s so desperately sad and tragic when a death could so easily have been prevented. It’s no wonder you’re in all this pain 
If you haven’t tried meditation- give it a go. I’ve learnt from it and generally can manage my grief far better because of it. Training your mind to focus on something else…it takes time but it’s been a godsend.
Do you have a garden…gardening also has helped me…growing things from seed in the greenhouse gives me a purpose.
We’re all different and people definitely find ways to continue but they are different ways.
The inquest will be adding to your load…I wish I could take it from you for a while.
Keep posting and know we’re here for you…willing you on.
Sending peace and a big hug
Purple
So sorry you are feeling so bad. It does hurt terribly. Nobody can understand the pain as we can.
Sending love, you are never alone.
Kate xxxx
Thank you both. I do need to do some gardening so I might tackle that in the next couple of days. I haven’t tried meditation but maybe further down the line I will give it a go.
Love Deborah xx
How is everyone? I have felt a little brighter over the last few days. I think maybe the lovely weather and also I have got through February which is always so difficult for us.
I hope you are all feeling a little brighter and peaceful too … sending you all so much love xxx
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Hello vi ctoria and all dearest mums yes the weather has helped in a way it’s so nice to be able to get outside.wehave got through the widest months when we lost our lovely children .i wouldn’t say I have moved on but started to think about the future a bit more and hopefully get a holiday this year.Anything to keep busy helps with the grieving .love to all Maddiexxx
Dear Maddie,
I don’t think we ever move on. We just learn how to live without our precious children.
I am looking forward to be able to go away too and also meeting up again with you and John! Much love xxxx
Looking forward to seeing you and Bill again.so let’s hope this year we can all have a bit better year.I know our loved ones will be looking down on us.xx
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Hi everybody
I’m glad to hear the better weather has been lifting peoples spirits.
My boy Scott would have been 26 next Sunday. A few of us are going up to the braes where we scattered his ashes. I have bought him a birthday card and I just want to write how much I adored him and miss him. I also thought I would take some wild flower seeds instead of taking flowers and a bottle of something to make a toast to him.
Despite all this it still doesn’t feel real and I’m constantly shocked he is gone.
The pain is constant, everything reminds me of him.
My heart is broken.
Anne
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Oh Ann birthdays and anniversary’s are so painful Scott was so young.Iwill be thinking of you .Maddie xx
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Dear Anne, Maddie is right. Birthdays and anniversaries are so hard and I will be thinking of you. I find the build up worse than the actual day. Much love to you xxx
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Dear Anne
I am thinking of you and send love and hugs. Like you I am completely broken and I still can’t believe that my daughter is gone. I am still crying all the time and just feel hopeless. I miss her so much and am finding it all so hard to accept that I’m never going to see her again, it all seems so unreal.
Love Deborah xxx
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Dearest Deborah and Anne, it does hurt so much. For us it was those last minutes, listening to the doctor telling our beautiful girl that they had done all they could but basically her lungs had got worse and she could not live off the ECMO machine. I am sure my heart stopped, I couldn’t breathe or hear anything. After a short time Lisa wanted to face time her best friend who had her first baby 2 days before. Her voice was so weak but her face so serene as she said to Amy that she wasn’t going to make it. I was in bits but hearing the wailing cries of her friend and her Dad who has been our friend for 30 years. It was so unreal. It was like watching something on TV . I soon came back to earth as I watched my baby talking to the doctor saying she wanted to donate anything they could use. Her beautiful blue eyes never left his face. She was so brave and focused. She then spoke to us one by one and gave us all instructions and said how much she loved us. Thanked us for her wonderful happy life and asked me if I would be ok. She had said the same two days before that. The tears are streaming now I can hardly see what I am typing.
The point of my post is just that no matter how or how long ago we lost our children, the pain for us is the same pain, the same gaping hole in our hearts.
Love to you all.
Kate xxx
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Oh Kate I have just read your sad post to my husband and the tears are flowing Lisa was such a brave and thoughtful girl especially asking you if yo would be ok .how can you ever get over losing a lovely child like that.my lovely Dawn was so brave she had put up with so much ain the last few years of her life and never complained.when the doctor said that he wanted to talk to us on the Friday morning I just knew what he wa going to say.he said he could could only give Dawn 2days and that is all she had .with love maddie xx
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