Ok Victoria but hope to see before that thought you might like to come down perhaps in April xx
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Definitely as soon as we can xx
Aww Maddie,
Iām so sorry you are going through such a difficult time.
My heart breaks for you losing your precious girl.
Sending love
Anne x
Thank you Anne itās so hard on all of us sending love maddie xx
Here is my fairy garden. It cheers me to know it will bring some fun to the children who walk by. One of them has already been looking at it with her Mum.
Purple
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So lovely!xx
He looks so much fun. Bless the boy.
Kateā:broken_heart:
Dear all dear friends. I donāt know why our minds wander back to the worse times in our lives. Today when I was in Tescos I was thinking of the time I was sent off for a cuppa in the hospital canteen as the doctors needed to change something on the ECMO machine. I was sitting with the tea in front of me and a flap Jack I bought as I was lightheaded.
I just looked down at it and realised my tears were dropping into my tea, plop plop plop plop. I just watched them and felt so utterly helpless. Our poor girl would lose half a litre of blood during the procedure and would be pale and nauseous when I was allowed back in. As mothers we want to protect our children and help them but there was nothing any of us here could do. I was just totally lost at that moment. A family at the next table had stopped talking and were watching me.
I tried to stand up but dropped back into my chair. The man said ā you ok darlinā and then said ā sorry, thatās a stupid questionā I said, no it wasnāt it was kind of you.
I donāt know how long I sat there staring at my untouched tea and flap jack. We become so engrossed in our nightmare that normal behaviour is anything thatās normal for us at that particular moment.
After I got back in to see Lisa she asked if i was ok. Bless her heart. She was getting more blood and gradually got some colour back. I just thought how beautiful she was. Bright blue eyes white teeth and perfect skin.
It must have been so terribly hard for her to keep positive.
Sorry to go on a bit but for some reason this particular day just popped into my head.
Love to you all. Kate xxx
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Oh Anne,
What a beautiful picture of the two of you together, what a handsome tall guy. Everyone of us on here knows exactly what you are going through. Scott was trying to tell you he is still around you that is why at that exact moment you looked and saw the two of you together, he would not want you to not go on without himā¦
My heart goes out to you Anne, the days will get easier although those meltdowns will always be under the surface. Just like waves sometimes it will lap at your feet to let you know it is still there and at otherās it will wash over your head and knock you off your feet.
Keep getting up Anne that I am sure is what Scott would expect of you.
As I sit in Heaven and I watch you everyday
I try to let you know with signs that I never went away
I hear you when your laughing and watch you as you sleep
I even place my arm around you to calm you when you weep
I see you wish the days away begging to have me home
So I try to send you signs so you know youāre not alone
Heaven is truly beautiful, just you wait, wait and see so live your life, laugh again, enjoy yourself be free, then I know with every breath you take you`ll be taking one for me
With love
Helen
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What a beautiful idea Purple, in the nursery I worked in we used to have a fairy tree nearby in local woods and the children would write letters and draw pictures and leave them at the fairy tree.
Its looks lovely
Anne x
Thank you so much for that Helen
So kind of you and yes I do find it a comfort to think he is still around me
Anne xx
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Henry looks a real character, you can just tell from that smile how much fun he must have been.
Its just so heartbreaking
Anne
Dear Helen,
What beautiful comforting words thank you. I am going to keep them to read again xxx
Hi Maddie,
I know exactly because Geraint used to be like it, I was a hinderance even before Sam passed he used to shout and scream, I remember once Sam had a seizure in Debenhams I had taken him down town as he wanted to but Mathilda a Christmas present, I rang Ger immediately but Sam came too and was sitting on the floor and spoke over the phone to Ger saying Iām fine whatās the fuss aboutā¦he had no recollection of the seizure, Ger went wild with me screaming down the end of the phone Iāll never speak to you again. John explained it to me and said he is so fightened, heās lashing out, so I forgave him. I cannot put my finger on it timewise but he now seems so laid back and approachable and kind to meā¦I keep thinking when is it going to happen again. Even John said heās changed, matured (even though heās 40) .
As for letting her get on with itā¦that is what I did with Ger over the row about my friend, it does work, I used to like you babysit housework at the drop of a hat, and then thought no Iāve had enough and never called never went up there no shouting match nothing just silence (I did exactly what John said) very hard to do in fact but it does work. Maddie Iām thinking of you, Dawn would not want you to feel you donāt want to be here she would expect you to carry on.
With love
Helen
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Beautiful 
What a great photo, he looks such a jokerā¦
xxHelen
What beautiful children we all have we are so lucky they will be with us forever.Maddie x
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Apologies to all of you for my self indulgent post. I guess sometimes it helps to offload our inner thoughts.
So much more going on in some of your lives.
With love, Kate xx
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Kate thatās what we are here for we have all poured out ate souls .look at me this week moaning and groaning I did regret it next day.but I knew you would all understand.lots of love Maddie xx
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