Hi all
I am really struggling. I’ve done nothing but cry for days. I really can’t function, can’t sleep very well or eat. I miss my girl so much. My whole family are really struggling as well. I have gone back to work but only working a few hours per day. I work 3 days a week. My job involves dealing with all the deaths for a mental health Trust and although I’m only dealing with claims against the Trust at the moment I still get copied into things. It was brought to a head today when we were notified of a woman that had taken her own life by hanging and it was a friend that I had been told about yesterday. I really don’t know what to do. I can retire but the money that I earn is great. My counsellor told me not to make any big decisions at the moment. Its my birthday on Tuesday and both my daughters usually made a big thing of it. My sister is coming to stay with me for a few days as she knows it will be hard for me. Sorry to rattle on but I am in a terrible state.
Deborah xxx
Dear Deborah,
I am sorry that you are having such a bad time, you are still in such early stages of your grief, it seems that you have a few things going on at the moment that are making it much harder like visiting the accident spot on Sunday don’t do it if you don’t feel ready it might be better to do this when you feel stronger as I’m not really sure this is something that will help you at this moment in time, having your first birthday without your precious girl is so hard but she will be with you wrapping her arms around you 
going back to work is very brave but even more so in your case as your work is connected to all the things you probably need to be avoiding at this time in your grief journey, I can’t watch any emergency programmes as things like this really upset me, maybe you need a bit longer off and I’m sure they would understand, am glad you have your sister coming to stay and hope chatting with her and having lots of hugs will be a help to you, take care
Love Michelle xxxx
Dear Deborah, so sorry to hear that you are struggling. You have been amazing and not surprising that you are having a bad time. Remember the baby steps and go easy on yourself but I know how quickly we can be overwhelmed by the sadness. Especially in your job you have so many triggers.
I feel as though on this site that we are all walking hand in hand together and I hope that one day we can do that for real.
Sending you a big hug and so much love xxx
Deborah, it must be so terrible for you, especially in your line of work. You know we have our arms around you at all times. We are all still grieving but we do understand how raw it is in the early days.
Sending love.
Kate xxx
Dear Deborah, it broke my heart when I read your post .I am so sorry you are feeling so bad .I will be thinking of you on Tuesday .I am so pleased you will have your sister staying with you ,as I am sure she will help you through your day With love Maddie xxxx
Aww Deborah
I’m so sorry, that just sounds like such a difficult situation when you have so much to deal with. I feel for you.
I think your counsellor is right but retirement does sound the better option to be honest. I don’t know how I would cope in that job dealing with losing your lovely girl at the same time.
I’m going back to work tomorrow, all I can think about is Scott tonight, 5 months down the line and I’m still in shock he has gone and the thought of returning to ‘normal life’ doesn’t feel right.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through, I wish I could help, thinking of you
Anne x
Hello everyone , how are you alll feeling today ? My friend put it on Facebook it is Bereaved Mother’s Day today . And I must admit I was feeling fed up before I even saw it . I don’t know what’s making me feel so down , as so looking forward on Wednesday to Victoria and her husband Bill coming to visit .And when they come will try and plan , when and where the best time and place to all meet up .I Think the holidays are the worse as Dawn would always pop in ., poke her head in and say HiYa. . We don’t go round to see Sarah ,as she always wants her space ., as I think her husband still blames me , for making her depressed . So we always have to try and rely on the grandchildren or friends to do something .Sorry to be so depressing Deborah will be thinking off you xx
Hi I too heard that it was bereaved mothers day. No different to any other day for me. I’m really grateful for all the messages of support, it really helps me. I’m so glad that I found this group. I find holidays awful as well as my daughter would always be with me. My sister is coming to stay tomorrow for a few days so I am looking forward to that. Keep well all. Sending hugs. Deborah xx
Hi Anne
How did you get on at work xxx
Hi Deborah
The assistant manager called me night before and in the morning to check I was OK then when I went in they said do what you want, take a break when you want, leave when you’ve had enough
Then when I was leaving I went to buy some nice bath and hair stuff( I work at lush) and they wouldn’t let me pay for it.
I’ve had so much support from them, I work with amazing people but Scott used to pop in sometimes and I’m so sad he won’t again.
He knew I loved it there after working in early years education for 30 years.
How are you doing? Its so hard, like you I just feel its impossible for me to feel happy again, just try to get through each day best I can xx
Dear All,
Anne, I am so glad you have such understanding colleagues as I think that makes a world of difference. I find work helpful as it helps me feel ‘normal’. But we do all cope so differently. Do you work part-time? I cut my hours down to 2 days a week which is just right for me.
We had Charlie for the weekend and last night he came into my bedroom for a chat and to talk about mummy. He said ‘it isn’t fair that I have to go through this not having mummy’. My heart breaks for him and so hard to know what to say to him. I just said that he was right and it wasn’t fair but he had his daddy and all of us who love him so much and we chatted about it. He has been so much better recently so I think he just wanted reassurance. Today though he was back to his happy little self and you would not have thought he had a care in the world.
Deborah, I am glad you have your sister coming to stay. Have a lovely few days together,
Maddie, we are so looking forward to seeing you both on Wednesday and as you said, it will be lovely to plan a bigger meet up.
Hi Victoria
Breaks my heart to read about Charlie, its so good he has so many people who love him that he can talk to, I suppose children just have bad days and good days like we do.
I work 30 hours a week but only working on Sundays for the next wee while.
I’m on my own but my youngest son Euan has a job now and gives me a wee bit. He is like a stick of licorice but eats constantly.
Thanks for your support
Anne x
Dear all,
Not feeling the best at the moment as on Wednesday it will be 2 years since we lost our precious son Matt 
I can’t believe it’s been two years and the pain seems worse.
I just wanted to say am pleased for you Anne for going back to work well done and your colleagues sound very supportive, which helps so much, Victoria it broke my heart to hear about little Charlie 
bless him.
Please think of my precious boy Matt on Wednesday take care everyone much love Michelle xxxx
Dear Victoria and all. Funny that with Charlie, Brooke was talking about animals dying and humans as there was something about pets dying on CBBIES. She said to me why do people and animals die Granny. I said that some animals live long lives as do humans but others get sick and the vets and doctors can’t always make them better.
Brooke then had a wee think and said 'my Mummy was sick with her lungs and the doctor couldn’t make her better Granny so she just died ’ . Well, I was just dumbstruck and for a second was trying to hold back the tears, but I just said that she was right and that the lovely nurses and doctors were so kind to Mummy and tried their very best to make her better but they couldn’t.
Bless her, she was quite satisfied with the answer and like you Victoria, I went on to say how much she was loved by her Daddy and all of us.
It’s tough isn’t it. Bless our grandchildren. They help us so much.
With love.
Kate x
Michelle, I know it’s awful. 2 years for us in July too.
Atm I am feeling the significant dates approaching.
The last day we were together in the garden 16th May and the 18th when they went on holiday. 24th when she text to say she was really ill and wanted picking up from Perth and brought back to Inverness hospital. Alan went but she had called an ambulance and was already in High Dependency.
2nd June transferred to Aberdeen on ECMO and so on and so on till 25th July just 15 days after her 31 St birthday.
I will be thinking of you as you go through the dreaded day.
Maybe we will cope better as the years go by but the void will still be there.
Be strong, we are all together on this path.
Sending love, Kate xxxx
Hi Michelle
I’ll light a candle for Matt next to Scotts tomorrow and think of you both
Anne xxx
Thinking of you and sending love.
Kate xxx
Dear Helen,
Thank you for your comforting words. Me too I just lost my beloved daughter, 36, due to an undetected brain tumor 70 days ago, with no signs or symptoms. Just a headache, coma and in three days she started her journey of light. I‘m lost and despite the presence of my lovely son and grandson, I feel no meaning for life anymore. Often I wish to go too. 
Hi, our youngest daughter passed away 15 days after her 31st birthday. That was July 2019. It still hurts but we all somehow manage to live alongside the grief and pain.
Like you, having a grandchild and another daughter gives us a reason to carry on.
Sending love to you.
Kate xxx
Hello All,
Kate, unlike us animals have a sixth sense and can see and hear what we cannot. I am absolutely convinced that Jeeves was seeing Lisa just like Marmaduke (my cat) sees Sam.
Everyone of us…Deboarah Michelle, Anne, Chris Maddie, Victoria, and all on here we are all here not because we want to be but for the support and the sympathy and understanding that we can all receive and give to each other. It is a “club” like no other. We will never for want of a better expression get over it…but learn to live alongside the grief, that will come in waves just like the sea throughout our life.
My heart has been left broken since the day you had to go and the memories I treasure are in the tears that still flow
Your in my thoughts everyday and that’s how it will always be for you may be up in heaven now but you’ll always be with me
If only I could have the chance to see your face once more or to hear your voice one final time just like it was before
The day that heaven calls for me will be a relief from all this pain I’ll run to you with open arms and we will meet again.
Take care all of you
With love
Helen