Hi Deborah, I am sorry that you and your family had to go through the agony of the inquest. At least that is over now as you must have been dreading it.
It is such a difficult road we all have to travel now but we all have other children and people who love us and who we love. They are the reason we are able to carry on, no matter how broken we are. They will help to mend us. Sending you so much love and big hugs this evening 
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Hello dear friends , , Deborah I so hope you are feeling a little bit better today , I was so worried for you last night , At least you can put that awful inquest behind you . And now think of the beautiful times you had with your darling girl . I know itās not easy, but we have to carry on I know itās what they would have wanted , as I know when we did the quota board , Dawn told us to get a life and she told us she was well and happy . Helen what brave children we had Dawn and Sam fought to the end , trying to carry on with their lives the best they could , without a fuss ā¦ Victoria and I canāt wait to meet up with the ones that make it . I hope a couple more of you might join in . With love Maddie xxx
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Victoria,
Those words are so beautiful and itās right what it says I was very very fortunate to have Sam in my life, I was talking to Jason his best frined who looked up and for no reason said āSam loved you unconditionallyā When he was living in Sweden with Mathilda I used to go to IKEA and ring him and say guess where I am, he knew. Mathildaās mum lived in Ekero which is outside of stockholm and there was a ovely wood behind the house and Sam used to go snowboarding there.
With love
Helen
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Thanks all for your lovely posts. I am so grateful for your support. I am feeling a little better today. I have made a memorial garden for my daughter in my garden. I gave it a tidy today and planted some new plants. It gave me something to focus on. My sister and I found a lovely plant called Angel wings in a florist in Battle. The leaves are so soft. I went to the garden centre today and bought a new pot for it. Iāll send some photos soon. Google it though it is beautiful 
.
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Hi Deborah, well done you. Strangely I have been replanting my garden today and thought of making a special place in memory of Gemma. Looking forward to seeing your photo
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Dear Helen,
Fabulous photo x
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Dear Helen, such a lovely photo ā¦ definitely one to treasure xxx
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Dear Helen,
What a absolutely amazing photo of Sam doing what he loved 
the Zest our children had for life helps us to carry on living and to keep their memories alive and sharing how wonderful they all are well done to everyone for getting out of bed today regardless of what time as we all wake up every day and feel the pain of āanother day without our precious childrenā 
much love to all
Michelle xxxx
Hi Michell Hope you are doing a bit better at the moment ? Will you be joining us when we meet up July 17th? It would be lovely to see you . Sending love Maddie xx
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Dear Maddie,
Am doing ok thank you for asking hope you are too unfortunately I canāt make it in July, I would love to have come but hopefully will be able to make the next one, take care
Love Michelle xxxx
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I went to a new hairdressers today and I was chatting to the stylist and she asked me how many children did I have. Iām sure you have all come across a situation like this but it was like a stab to my heart. I had to tell her what had happened and I was in bits. You canāt exactly leave with foils in your hair. She made me a cup of tea and was really kind. How have you all coped with things like this? Itās the 1st time Iāve really cared about my appearance apart from getting my nails done (I was looking a mess) not my usual groomed self. I find it very hard to talk about my daughter without falling apart. Is this normal.
Deborah xxx
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Hi Deborah, I had a similar experience once and so difficult to deal with. If it happens to me I feel very panicky but I think it must be completely normal given what we have gone through. But well done you for coping so well and for starting to look after yourself again xxx
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Thanks Victoria. Itās all these little things that I took for granted before. Doing this and that without a thought but now i find even small things an ordeal. Iām glad that I went today though and got through it xxx
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Hi Deborah, I know exactly what you mean, it will have been awful for you. Panic, pain, sadness, anger, a surge of emotion. I admire you for dealing with it, it must have been so difficult. The hairdresser sounds a lovely lady. The response we get makes all the difference.
I was walking home from dropping my Granddaughter at school one day and one of the mothers asked me if her Dad was my son or son in law? I told her my Daughter had passed away and I broke down. She was lovely and said I know itās very difficult to talk about it. I found out later that she had had a stil birth.
Take care
Chris
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Hi Chris you have explained the feelings so well, panic, pain and an immense sadness. Itās true that we donāt know what others have been through.
Deborah
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Ah Deborah, a similar thing happened to me just a month after Lisa passed. I was having highlights done and sitting on the sofa for the time it takes. An older lady was having her hair done and chatting to my hairdresser. Then my heart nearly stopped as she was saying ā was that lovely lass from Strathpeffer one of your clients, beautiful young mother and she died, did you know? Big wrtie up in the paper. Oh yes, she did your wedding didnāt she?ā My poor hairdresser didnāt know what to say. She looked over at me and rushed to see if I was OK. She didnāt want to upset the lady either but somehow she managed to move the chat on to something else.
I just sat there numb. I felt sick and a bit faint but managed to hold it together.
Thing is my love , we manage to build up a barrier to deflect the horror when strangers bring the subject up.
It still hurts so much and always will.
You did well. Thatās a good step forward.
Keep posting.
With love.
Kate xxx
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Thanks Kate. That must have been awful for you. I came home and had a big cry which helped. God help us all through the pain of losing our dear children xxx
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Itās horrible. I cried myself to sleep last night as the 18th May 2 years ago was the date Lisa and her wee family went on holiday for the first time in 10 years. She was so excited. 7 days later she started to die due to the virus she picked up.
Thankfully, her life was saved then but we watched her in an induced coma for about 10 days. Then when they let her wake up she had no memory of what had happened to her.
She did make good progress on ECMO but after 9 weeks she got a blood infection so she lost the battle.
I am truly grateful for those weeks though, full of hope . She was able to talk in a whisper and see her baby girl and it all seemed to be positive. However, it was not to be.
I have no doubt I will be crying again as the significant dates flag up.
We all cry a lot donāt we!
With love, Kate x
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Dear Deborah , and Kate sorry you are feeling so sad at ,we have so memories of our darling children some happy but at the moment sad , it seems to be a date that brings all our sad memories back, I still also want to cry everytime I look at Dawns photoā¦When people say time heals , you will get over it , I want to scream. With love Maddie xxxx
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