For me it seems worse as time goes by and Christian seems to be going further and further away from me and this I just can’t cope with…My husband who is a massive non-believer says he can feel Christians presence in the house and I so hope this is true, there is never an hour in the wakening day that I am not thinking of him he is more in my heart now than ever…I carry on as normal in every days tasks and taking the dogs for walks etc but inside me it’s a struggle but I know there is no other option nothing will bring him back to us and hopefully one day I will be able to think of Chris without the sadness I am feeling now…xxx to everyone…
Hello Marina like your husband I do not believe in a higher being but I do believe our spirit and energy stay around those that are lived by them that is how I know I will see Sam again. He is here in this house. Talk out loud to Christian and he will hear you. With love Helen xx
Dear Marina, Helen and others, I understand exactly how you feel. It seems as time passes instead of the pain easing it remains as intense as ever. The agony of the lost of our children just seems to be all consuming. Like you we try to carry on as best we can leading these ‘new normal’ lives but we are never entirely whole. Masking our emotions and trying to carry on as best we can. I really envy those who believe in another life - I used to be a regular church goer and believed in the power of a supreme being but all that has now gone. Daniel himself was never religious but he was spiritual and I wonder if those signs that I grasp at our his way of telling me he is still around. Or is it my imagination playing tricks? Love as you say never dies and he is forever in our hearts and minds. Sending love to you all. Wynne
Hello Wynne,
Like Daniel I do not believe in a higher being but am spiritual and I believe those signs are Daniels way of telling you he is around. Like Sam with me it helps and comforts me to know that Sam is here with me. I do not know why this has happened to us all but I do know that we all have to keep going as best as we are able as our children would expect us to do. As I said once before death holds no fear, each day that passes is a day nearer seeing Sam
with love Helen
Hello everyone, I just wanted to let you know that I noticed it is one year today since Wynne started this conversation, making it one of the most long-running conversations on the site, with nearly 350 posts.
I know that this is the last place any of you would have wanted to end up, but I am glad that you have found each other. I’m so moved and impressed to see how you have all been supporting each other over the past year. The way that you all continue to talk and check in with each other shows a real sense of connection and caring.
Hello Priscilla,
Although I don’t know personally any of the people on here, Wynne, Maddie and Marina to name but a few we are all in the same boat and as you say we try and support each other. There will never be a day that goes by that we will not think of our children. At the zumba class I go to there is a lady there who lost her child 30 years ago to an asthma attack, and she said if she let herself she could sit and wallow all day even now. We all have a long road to travel but with the help of all here we will travel that road, we have no choice as we have other loved ones who need us. I am and I think speak for all on here very grateful that this site exists.
With love Helen
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Hi all and Priscilla
Although I use this site less now, it is a comfort to be able to speak to people who have gone hough the same thing, and understand.
It seems like we are old friends.
Sunday is the one year anniversary of Chris’s death. This must be the toughest one I’m sure. I have written Chris a poem and we are going to lay flowers on his bench on the common. And I also want to say the poem. I am moving on a with my life. A few weeks ago I heard Chris as clear as day in my head saying what are you waiting for, get on with your life". So I am doing just that, for him and myself.
Love to all
Polly
Hi Pollyanna, hope all goes well on Sunday for you could not be a worse day being mothers day . I will be putting an old card out that Dawn gave me 2years ago, and hope she will be around , like I’m sure Chris will be . Will be thinking of you Hugs to you all Maddie x
To Priscilla and everyone…When I lost Christian in December 2017 it felt like I was the only one that had lost an adult child there was no one I could talk to or understand exactly just how I was feeling…I then came across this site, how I have no idea but what I do know it has helped me keep my sanity to know there are other Mother’s who have lost son’s and daughter’s and are grieving the same as I…
Love to all…Marina xxx
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Hello All, this site has been such a Godsend. People have been so genuine in pouring our their feelings desperately hoping to find some help, understanding and peace. Like many, I have found it very helpful and feel a closeness with the people on it.
Polly, you will be in my thoughts on Sunday. X
I am constantly questioning how and why life could become so incredibly difficult. It is two and a half years since our precious daughter left our world and life became a living nightmare. As everyone says, our children are the first thing we think of in the morning, the last thing we think of at night and are constantly on our minds in everything we do. I know the pain that I once felt would kill me has subsided a little, it doesn’t stop me crying every day, questioning why this could have happened to our girl? Such a caring, clever, hard working, loving young woman, cruelly taken leaving so many devastated; not least her little girl. As well as our own grief, it’s heartbreaking for us to see this little one suffer. It’s so unfair, she misses her Mummy so much. Seeing other Mummies in everyday situations such as outside of school, has been difficult for her at times. As for Mother’s Day, as difficult as it is for me, it is for her I feel the most sadness. The first Mother’s Day she was just 4 years old and displays were everywhere. She said “I can’t get Mummy a present because she’s in Heaven”. (of course she did take flowers) We all know the extent of that feeling of loss. My hope is that with family support, she feels enough love around her and always knows how much her Mummy meant to us and everyone who knew her. She is currently a happy little girl despite her loss. She is our focus, we have to carry on for her and keep our daughters memory alive for her.
Love to everyone. X
Hi Pollyanna…Hope all goes well for you tomorrow and hopefully the sun will manage to shine…It seems quite symbolic that the first anniversary falls on Mothers Day…thinking of you and everyone else on this site…with love Marina xx
Thank you Priscilla this site has been a life line and the support from mothers who have gone through the same agony but are still able to send love and helpful advice has truly shown the very best of their generosity in the most hardest of times. I salute everyone of them and send them much love especially on such a poignant day tomorrow.
Hello to all mothers on this site yes tomorrow will be very hard, my councilor came again yesterday and she said the 2nd year can be worse for grieving than the first, oh that’s comforting to know , but I know she is right in one way as I don’t feel any better , I think I have just realised she is not coming back , and we don’t seem to be getting any signs , pehaps I am looking too hard . Like Wynne I would like to say a big thankyou to Priscilla for this site it has been a lifeline , I find it so much more comforting , than seeing a councillor, love to you all for tomorrow . Maddie x
Hello to all mothers on this site yes tomorrow will be very hard, my councilor came again yesterday and she said the 2nd year can be worse for grieving than the first, oh that’s comforting to know , but I know she is right in one way as I don’t feel any better , I think I have just realised she is not coming back , and we don’t seem to be getting any signs , pehaps I am looking too hard . Like Wynne I would like to say a big thankyou to Priscilla for this site it has been a lifeline , I find it so much more comforting , than seeing a councillor, love to you all for tomorrow . Maddie x
Hello All
Yes tomorrow will be so hard, I shall put out one of the cards that Sam gave me, luckily I kept them all so I can change them each year. Pollyanna I hope you cope tomorrow, for me the lead up to the day was worse than the day itself. Please know that we are all here and we can all listen and respond. We are all in this boat together unfortunately. I am sure your son will be with you. He will also stay safe in your heart locked away with the lovely memories you have
Sending you love Helen
Dear Pollyanna,
Thinking of you today as I know how hard it is to be without our precious sons and daughters. So very hard especially as others around celebrate being mums and can look forward to their cards, presents and just spending time with them. Impossible to keep strong no matter how hard we try the loss is so unbearable but know that love surrounds you. Sending love to you and every other mum especially today. Xxxx Wynne
Five years ago Christian bought me for Mother’s day a miniature Daffodil plant and when it had stopped blooming I planted it in the garden and it as bloomed every year since, at the end of last year we had been cutting down a few trees and it got buried under some of the rubble when I retrieved it at the beginning of February it looked sad and neglected but it started to thrive and you could see little buds starting to form and today we got the first flower…this maybe a day late but to me I feel this is Christian’s Mothers gift to me a second time round…
Marina,
That would be Christian’s Mother’s day gift. I do not believe in coincidence everything happens for a reason. This was your reason and your gift alone.
With love Helen
Hi all
The day has come and gone. We put flowers on the bench and I finally said a proper goodbye to Chris. I was so numb and in shock that time last year, I’ve thought of all the things I wish I had said at that time, and said them by the bench. I feel so much lighter since, although threre has been a lot of tears.
I asked Chris to show us a sign to let us know he heard us, a feather or a Robin. My daughter found a white feather beside her on the patio, although it was bedraggled with the rain.
And our favorite Robin was sitting on the fence looking at us for some time.
The bench now has five bunches of flowers on it, people still remember. It’s so comforting.
I am now planning my next holiday, as Chris said I’ve got to start living my life again.
Love to you all
Polly
Oh Polly,
How absolutely wonderful for you to receive those signs they are without a doubt from Christian, I am so pleased for you.
With love Helen