Dear Purple,
Matt was also taken suddenly and its still feels like it’s not real, Henry can hear everything you say I know our children will be with us until its our time to join them 
I understand that you can’t visit his grave we all have our own ways to deal with it and I’m sure when you are in your garden and you see a butterfly or a Robin you feel his presence, I think when we are amongst nature we feel their presence more, take care my friend.
Love Michelle xxxx
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Dear Michelle, Purple and all dear friends.
We are planning a stone in the local cemetery as Alan, my husband wants this fir Brooke to visit w hen she is older.
Tbh I am not bothered as Lisa is in heart and mind all the time.
Jamie, in their new house, has Lisa sitting above the dishwasher with one of her amazing silk flower arrangements in front of her cask. It actually makes me smile as Lisa so wanted a dishwasher but there was no room in their flat. Bless her heart. She had small wishes as she felt she had all she needed.
Love to all dear friends.
Kate xxx
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We are in a similar position as you, Kate. I have Gemma in my bedroom but we are going to arrange for a stone in the local churchyard as Charlie has already asked if mummy has ‘a special place’ where he can go. So it will be good for the boys. To be honest I have put it off as I can’t face it but it will happen. xxx
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Me too Victoria. I am afraid to see her name on a headstone. Totally freaks me out as I don’t need it but for my husband and Brooke I need to let it happen. When we drive past the huge cemetery in Inverness, Brooke always says that the stones are for people who have died. She wants one for her Mummy so be it!
With love, Kate xxx
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Dear Michelle
You are so right! I know Henry is around as is your Matt. Being with nature I do feel a sense of balance returns.
So many lessons for us to see just in the garden.
Things dying off and seeming dead to the world then coming back to life in the spring. The circle of life is continuous.
When Henry was brought into the Church we had Bette Midler’s “The Rose” playing. Such a beautiful song telling us love conquers everything.
Thanks for your lovely message
Purple x
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Dear Lisa Victoria and friends,
I understand how difficult it is and also sometimes I think if Matt had been cremated I could keep his Ashes with us wherever we go but for everyone else it’s a comfort for them to come and meet up at the cemetery and toast Matt or simply just go and chat with him, I think because he was a soldier his friends like to come and visit his grave and its a reason for us all to come together 
Much love to all Michelle xxxx
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Dear Kate
I had Henry at home with me…it felt right. Then as you know my nephew took his own life and shortly after that his lovely Mum died of Covid19. They are buried together.
I felt better that Henry went home to Witney then and he’s interred in the same cemetery. I didn’t want him somewhere he didn’t know anyone! I know how that sounds…
I had a temporary marker for him and I used to visit but once the proper stone was in place I stopped. Seeing his name and date of death was so awful 
. I hope I can go one day…
It’s such a personal thing for everyone. I know he’s with me every day…I chat to him.
Lisa sounds such a beautiful person- whatever you decide she will understand and love you for it.
Big hugs
Purple x
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Dear Michelle, such lovely photos and how lovely to see everyone gathered there. You must be beyond proud of Matt. Thank you for posting them xxx
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How beautiful Michelle, a special place to visit your boy.
Lovely photos
Anne xxx
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Dear Anne and Victoria,
Yes we are all proud of Matt, the lads are like his second family and they love to come to talk and laugh about good times they had with Matt and also helps all of us , he was such a character and so caring and kind it helps that we can all get together on anniversaries etc, thank you for your kind words
Michelle xxxx
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Thankyou purple. She was a truly beautiful person in every way.
With love
Kate xxx
Wonderful photos keeping Matt’s memory alive. Everyone looks so nice - they must miss him so much.
Love and hugs xx
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Thank you Purple, yes its all we have left our memories it helps us all to be together, its finding what works best for us, take care,
Love Michelle xxxx
Hi Deborah,
I’ve been reading all the posts when they come through on my phone but I cannot reply on that. We’ve een to Waterside Holiday Park in Weymouth about 2 hours from where we live just for 4 days, took my mum…such hard work she is 86, very self centred and selfish, but there back now. So thought I would reply when I got home. So glad you were able to visit the hairdresser Deborah, just a few months after Sam had passed I too went back to my hairdresser Laura, she is friends with my daughter in law Hannah and so knew the situation. There is another lady there who came up and put her arms around me, her son was 21 he committed suicide because he couldn’t cope with his dad leaving his mum. Deborah, it is so hard in the early days to talk about your daughter or son, I remember being taken into Wilkinson, and just stood there not knowing what to do when a man and his wife pushed past and said you saw me trying to get through (I didn’t) but needless to say I screamed at him and told him I wish he had died and not Sam!! and broke down and then my friend managed to get me outside, even now I can suddenly cry. My friend Sally always brings Sam into the conversation. I have 5 very very close friends whom I have known for 36 years, we all went to playschool as mums together and had coffee mornings taking it in turns at each house. I am so lucky to have those friends we all stick together like glue, and go on holiday together. To be truthful if it wasn’t for John, and my friends I couldn’t have made it this far. Bir is right the emotions that surge through in the early days mine in Wilkinson’s was anger…now I just bring Sam into the conversation so that it’s out there.
Take care Deborah, proud of you for pulling yourself up by your bootstrap it is no mean feat!!
Love to you all
Helen
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Thank you Helen. It’s awful isn’t it when you have to explain what’s happened. It’s like you’re reliving the horror of when it happened. Lots of tears have been shed today as I can’t stop thinking about her. My husband (soon to be ex) is being a really cold horrible shit as well. I have stopped answering the phone to him. Its not what I need right now. Life is hell.
Deborah xx
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Dear Kate and everyone on here, Michelle Deborah, Anne, Victoria, Madie and Bir,
I do hope I haven’t missed anyone’s name off You’re right Kate we do seem to cry a lot, the significant dates come round all too soon. When it is the date of Sam’s passing we go to Cornwall to Tredajack Farmhouse, we always go with Jan my best friend, I’ve attached a lovely picture of us all we were in Lisbon at the time the only one missing is my other friend Dee, who when Sam was diagnosed for the second time stayed with me and help me sort out the spare bedroom she was here from around 9 in the morning till gone 10 that night working her backside off to get the room spring cleaned and ready taking me to Dunelm to buy new bedding and curtains for Sam as he couldn’t stay on his own wit the type of chemo he was on.
Jan, Sue and Sally have been by my side throughout. I am so proud I have them as my friends.
And here’s me and Dee at her wedding
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Dear Helen,
Lovely photos what a glamorous bunch of ladies I can imagine they are also characters, so glad you have such dear friends to be there when you need them, thank you for sharing, take care
Love Michelle xxxx
What lovely photos. Its a blessing to have such a good friend for support. It looks like you have alot of fun. Deborah xxx
Hello Purple
It’sso lovely to hear from you and yes you’re right we are all changed by what has happened. I try to be strong and upbeat it’s almost 5 years for me but even now I can get down and have a good cry and then I think of Sam and how he would tell me off and to get on, so I try the very best I can and as you may have seen from the photo’s of my very very special friends they are right by my side.
Love to you all
Helen
Hello Deborah and Michelle,
Thank you both Yes we all have fun I don’t have a choice they seem to pull me along, they are characters you are so right…Jan the lady on the end in black trousers is 70, all of us have known one another since our children were 3 years and we met at playschool, Sam will be 39 in October so around 36 years.
Love to you all
Helen
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