Yes we’ve been fortunate that George wasn’t badly injured. I’ve always worried about him cycling- he does 1000s of miles a year and loves it.
I’m going to encourage him to get back into the saddle when he’s well…not that he needs much encouragement!
We’ve all only one shot at life so doing things you enjoy are really important.
He did a bungee jump into a gorge when he was in NZ…then a parachute jump. He loves the thrill of it all. He keeps me going along with my lovely husband and grandchildren.
He is getting there slowly Kate. Thanks for your good wishes.
Yes it was a horrible shock at the time. He’s always so cool about everything.
He’s a carpenter and I rang him one day and he said
“I can’t really talk at the moment Mum - I’m in A&E having a nail taken out of my hand…”. He used the same tone as if he was in a supermarket
Gemma’ best friend Emma is the same. They met at primary school and remained so close all the way through their lives. Emma has really struggled with losing her. The day it happened she came straight over and hardly left my side for two days.
She was a paramedic for over 20 years and has just given it up, largely because of what happened to Gemma. She became so fearful of being called out to someone who had taken their own life. I am glad as I worried about her so much as did her parents. The ripples spread so far when we lost our beloved children xxx
Yes I rhink it will for different kinds of reasons. When Jason text to say his girlfriend had had the baby Jason then said we’re naming him Samuel after Sam, you are the first to know even mum doesn’t know yet. Jason is such a lovely lad…John my husband used to pull their leg saying they were a “couple”…when Sam woke briefly on the Thursday morning before he died on the Friday Jason just seemed to appear and stayed here all Thursday Through the night and into Friday. He said I suppose I had better go to me on the Thursday nght and went out the front door, only to reappear 10 minutes later…I can’t leave he said and stayed all night with Sam and the rest of us. Sam was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2012, and he died on December 9th 2016. Even now the survival rate for anyone diagnosed with a brain tumour has not improved over the last 30 years. Only 12% of people diagnosed with a brain tumour survive for more than 5 year’s, we were lucky we had 41/2 years, with Sam still able to do everything he wanted it was only the last 6 weeks that he went rapidly downhill.
Hello Hello , you mention Jason so much , he sounds absolutely amazing , just the person you want by your side when you are going through hell and back . I must admit Aimee our Grandaighter was so upset , she ask the consultant , can’t you do anything for my Auntie ? She was so distraught…and bless her so strong . I wa so proud of her at the time . Don’t take this the wrong way dear Helen , but was Geraint there with you as you do not mention him , I am sure he was , . Sarah was with us , but she knew Dawn was going and she stood at her bed on the Friday in tears and could not face watching her dying . Oh God what a horrendous time we have all been through . With love Maddie xxx
Hi Michelle
I feel same about not feeling worthy of existing.
Today a cheque arrived from lawyer, that’s what I have in place of my beautiful son…a cheque…I broke my heart but I forced myself out to meet a friend.
I feel like I don’t have a future anymore but I’m trying to be kind to others and make their lives nicer.
I understand the constant worry for your girls, I worry about Euan, my brother and my wee dog Ruby as she is constantly by my side and has helped me keep going.
I feel even the tiniest bit of extra stress would tip me over the edge
I’m so glad you have photos of your handsome Matt about and candles, I feel it helps me to see Scott’s face everywhere too, yeah I totally understand why some can’t face that but I need to see him and talk to him.
You take care Michelle
Anne xxxxx
Hi
I have just got around to reading everyone’s posts. Purple I do hope your son is on the mend. Since Kathryn passed the slightest thing makes me worry so much. My daughter had a sore throat the other day and a cough and I was convinced it was something awful but it was just a cold. I panic very easily these days, especially when she’s driving.
Anne I also have a cheque that I’ve had for months and I can’t bring myself to pay it into my bank. That money was my daughters happy future and I really don’t want it. I will probably give it to my grandchildren when I can get round to sorting it.
Deborah xx
Dear Anne,
We are definitely following the same path “if you want to lift yourself lift up someone else” I find it hard to open up how I feel each day to others but find it easy to try and lift the spirits of others and not just people who are bereaved, keep being you as you always have a nice word for all but I know how dark you feel inside as I’m there with you I know its hard when you get money like is that instead of my child? we have split Matt’s savings between his two sisters and opened a separate account for the other money which me and my husband couldn’t ever spend but it will go to Matt’s sisters eventually, sending you love and strength to get through another day without your dear Scott remember you are not alone
Big love Michelle xxx
Like you Deborah I panic at the slightest thing with John a cold or cough and I imagine the worse. I think it is something that happens to us now we’ve lost someone so special we are fightened of it happening again. Geraint my eldest found a lump on his neck and had a biopsy on it…he never told me until he’d had the results as he knew what I had gone through with Sam, thank God it turned out to be just a fatty lump. Even so when he told me I was so shocked I just started crying.
Dear Helen,
What a remarkable boy your Sam was and his memory will continue through the love of others, Jason sounds so lovely and it’s a testament to their friendship naming his baby after Sam and asking you to be a godparent is just beautiful
Much love Michelle xxx
Jason is absolutely superb such a lovely chap. When Sam went into a coma on the Thursday Philip my ex husband came round with Jane his partner he started shouting saying he’s never ad to deal with anything like this before, what did he think I had? a complete and utter waste of space I wish it had been him instead of Sam…I had to somehow get him into the kitchen and calm him down…with John’s help, then Geraint, Hannah and Jason came everyone of his family was around him including my mum and Roy my stepdad everybody just waited here. I will never ever forgive Philip for shouting as I am sure Sam could hear him. But then Sam knew what he was like as he walked away from him some time before.
I am just so glad that Geraint is the person he is now not like his father, he is so kind now to me whereas he wasn’t before as you know but maybe he realises now.
I do panic easily Deborah - my husband isn’t well at the moment either. Possibly a heart problem, possibly long COVID. It seems never ending
I’d cash the cheque- nothing but nothing can replace our lost children however that money could make a positive difference to someone somewhere.
Something set up in Kathryn’s memory perhaps?
I’m sending love and a hug. For us all it seems we are separated from our children for ever, but in truth and in the scheme of things it’s not long. …it’s just feels like it.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad - you definitely are worth having on earth and Scott would say the same.
We’re all helping each other, even when we feel like we’re the ones needing support and a kind word. For that need let’s others know it’s ok and “normal “ to feel like that.
Helen, so glad Grant’s is OK. Strange though as Jemma has the exact same thing. Tried to get a referral from her GP but she said the waiting list was 10 months. I told her to go Private to the Spire Clinic in Edinburgh. Got seen 2 days later, had a scan and a follow up appointment. Same diagnosis as Geraint . I paid 300 for the first appointments and it will be about 250 for her next one.
Well worth it for the peace of mind though.
Love to all
Kate xx
S
Have read all your post , and it seems like we are all going through the same thing Sarah has a massive hernia , it will be her third op and appateranlty it’s a big one . Any op I know is dangerous she is going private and they still keep cancieling . After all we have been through after losing Dawn we have been at loggerheads heads I am now feeling really guilty. Maddie xx
I know its hard when you get money like is that instead of my child? we have split Matt’s savings between his two sisters and opened a separate account for the other money which me and my husband couldn’t ever spend but it will go to Matt’s sisters eventually, sending you love and strength to get through another day without your dear Scott 