Hi Maddie,
Dont feel guilty you have nothing to be guilty for at all, you have been through enough.
Love
Helen
Hi Maddie, as Helen says, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Treatment is so effective these days and good that she can have it done privately. Weāll speak soon xxx
Thankyou , Helen , and Victoria , for your reassurance . Maddie xx
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Dear Purple
Thank you
I always feel better for reading everyoneās messages on this page, you are all so supportive.
I had a very busy and nice day at work but itās an ongoing uphill battle trying to accept my beautiful boy is not with me.
I was remembering things he said to me today, he was really so funny and intelligent, miss him badly as you all do with your lovely children
Anne x
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Hi Anne ,I know what you mean about our children saying the things we c ax not forget .At 6 every evening Dawn would ring without fail We used to talk about everything mostly about holidays which was her favorite subject, most she was my rock , if I had a problem , which most days I would , it would oh mum do this or that she was my rock , thereās no doubt about . . She has left such a big hole in my heart , and I know no one will replace her . Sending love Maddie xxx
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Hi Anne and all, it also helps me so much, reading everybodyās messages.
My sister stopped all contact with me as she was not happy with the arrangements for Gemmaās service. I was surprised yesterday evening when I received a lovely message from her daughter in law (who got on so well with Gems). She wrote how much she misses Gemma and how much it upsets her that āwe canāt see each other any moreā. She wants to meet up with me without anyone knowing. So difficult and Iām not sure what to do. She is a very sweet girl but does not get on with my sister.
So tricky I never thought for one moment that I would be in this situation 
xxx
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Go for it my darling. As we all know. Life is too short.
All my love
Kate xx
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Hi all dear friends . It has been another beautiful day here in the Highlands. I have been very busy with a cottage changeover but I always seem to have a heavy heart on Mondays. It was always Monday that Lisa had her chest clinic appointment and we were both so wound up.
Mondays seem to drag me down to the stress we both went through. Lisa hated it all. Was so scared of it and she knew how scared I was.
Also, for me now itās the start of another week without her.
I know that the pain and longing we all feel will never go away. Itās just so awful for us.
Thank goodness we have each other.
Love to all dear friends.
Kate xx
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Dear Kate and everyone
We will always find our losses so difficult
Iām so grateful we all have each other here but I so wish we never had to meet like this. And our numbers are growing.
I sometimes read old text messages from Henry and I can pretend for a minute heās just sent them. I make sure the date matchesā¦he was in such regular contact thereās normally one to read. There was one today from 2nd August 2019. However ridiculous this is it helps me cope?!
I feel him around me so often nowā¦Iām sure heās helping me. I canāt wait to see him again at times yet still so much to live for here too.
Sorry if thatās a bit of a rambleā¦
Lots of love
Purple x
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Dear Purple and everyone,
I do the exact same thing, I have so many text and WhatsApp messages from Matt like you have one for every day so feel sometimes he has just sent them, it really helps but also can be heartbreaking sometimes when reality hits 
it helps to know we are all feeling the same and can offer support even though you wouldnāt wish it on your worst enemy, love to everyone.
From Michelle xxxx
Hi Victoria,
Go for it as KAte said, your sister cut the contact not you and over something that was important to you. Meet her you donāt see you sister and she doesnāt talk to you so youāre not going to say anything.
love Helen
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Hi Purple,
Doesnāt sound ridiculous at all, I have every text that Sam sent and I have also got them saved to my computer (Jason did it for me) I couldnāt possibly have done that, just in case I lose my phone. A couple of nights ago I sat here and I knew Sam was here I could smell his aftershave āDiesel Only the Braveā, all around and when I got up to go to the kitchen it followed me yet John couldnāt smell it. It was so comforting. I understand what you mean when you say canāt wait to see him, me too there is still things here and when I think to myself I just want to goā¦I hear Samās voice saying for *** sake mother get a grip get on, which was his expression!! I remember being in the kitchen crying not too long after he had passed and his voice was so loud it made me turnā¦and again he said for ***** sake mother Iāll see you in 20 years. It was so definite. So I know he will be there for me. When Roy my stepdad was dying in hospital (my mum wouldnāt come in) he was in a coma John and I stayed with him all night and during the night I looked at John and said Samās here, at that moment Roy took his arm out from under the cover and stretched it out as far as he could so I knew Sam was there waiting to take him.
Love Helen
Love Helen
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Dear Purple and all. I too sit in bed with a coffee early morning looking at photos on two of my old phones. I read Lisaās texts too. I can hear her voice when I read them. Yes itās like they are still really here. It does me good to think that she was always texting me. Asking if I fancied doing something as she was free. Texts giving me instructions for wedding flowers delivery to the venue etc. Itās as if itās here and now. How we loved each other!
Without all of you I donāt know where I would be.
Love to you all.
Kate xx
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Dear Kate
Thank you for sharing that you do the same- this is where this site comes into itās own! Just knowing others are doing the same is so helpful.
Much love
Purple x
Dear Helen
Youāve obviously got a strong link to Sam. Itās wonderful having that. 
Itās only recently Iāve felt such a strong presence and itās a huge comfort. I think of Henry (with my uncle who passed last November) being mischievous together.
Interesting that Iāve smelt cottage pie in my house - early in the morning. It was my uncleās favourite food and he was a morning person. My sister has smelt it in her bedroom too so we know heās around us both.
I was with my uncle the days before he passed and he was trying to reach out to someone above his bed. Someone was definitely there for him.
These things take away any fear of my own demise.
Hugs and love
Purple x
Dear Michelle
Iām glad Iām not alone doing thisā¦Iām so grateful to the people on this site sharing their experiences.
Makes so much difference knowing weāre united in our loss and love for our children.
Big hugs and love
Purple x
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Hi everyone , I love looking at Dawns text and Facebook page , it takes me back to such happier times when life seemed so sweet and so much to look forward to . I have a habit of texting and trying to call her number ,. I can only wish . Do you think I am going mad ? I suppose thatās what grief does to a person.Maddie xx
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Hi Maddie
Youāre not going madā¦I text a wave to Henry recently. I can hear him laughing at thatā¦
If it helps then itās ok.
Purple x
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Thankyou Purple, we were told when we did the quija board just after Dawn passed , that she could hear and see us , and she told us to get a life . It was like a phone line to heaven . We were so overwhelmed with it . Iād love to do it again , but you have to be so careful xxx
Hi Maddie
It is whatever enables us to carry on because that is what they want us to do. I have Samās ashes here with my with a bunch of photos by the side and each week I put Roseās either pink yellow or orange in a vase and change the photo and by the side also is a candle from IKEA pink as well. I buy them in bulk so I never run out. I light the candle each night. Some would say Iām crazy but it helps me
So anything goes. I have been looking at Westerleigh garden of Rememberance and buying a black marble headstoneā¦I will eventually when I can pluck up the courage to tell my ex husband what I propose no doubt he would want the opposite and to be truthful I just dont want a scene. But I will eventually.
Love Helen
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