Hello Denorah,
That was very distressing for you. I too like you had to clear Sam’s room here and then his flat. It is absolutely awful and yes you do feel “what’s the point of living” but somehow, just an inch at a time we do carry on if only for everyone else that we love and who love us
“I didn’t quite know what to do with your memories
so I packed them up in a box labelled YOU
Problem is they keep escaping finding their way back to me
At the most random moments
A song, a word, a thought
and thena tear would make it’s way silently down my cheek”
Dearest Deborah, we know those terrible feelings. I remember going in the bathroom in Lisa and Jamie’s flat and seeing he had laid out her makeup on the window sill. Her dressing gown on the back of the door as it should be if she was there. I used to cuddle her dressing gown as it still smelt of her. I just wanted to hold her for real. It hurts so much but somehow we get through these times. I would have liked some of her clothes but I knew it would cause Jamie pain so I didn’t ask him.
Life is cruel but we have to manage our days the best we can.
Dear Deborah,
We all feel your pain, its so desperately hard to carry on and I really don’t know how we all do it but we do, you are right our lives as we knew them are ruined but for now we must keep going on for our other children and for our precious babies we have lost, gone from this world but with us always in our hearts, I have hope of better days after reading about others having good times and enjoying their lives , I wish I could give you a hug but please know you are not alone and we will get through this journey together I has some lovely bears made for my daughters and Matt’s girlfriend out of his favourite tops and they love to hug them, maybe you could eventually do something like this when you are ready xx
All the lovely things that Victoria, Helen, Kate and the other lovely moms have wrote are so precious and help us all to cope so a big thank you for all your posts.
Big love to all Michelle xxxx
What a terrible shocking thing - I’m so sorry you’ve lost your brother in law in such a way. Your poor sister
For you of course the reminder of losing Lisa too.
A wonderful photo and such lovely memories made being with Jemma. Yes definitely Lisa was with you in that picture.
Thankyou for your kindness. I spoke to my sister on the phone last night and she was in bits. I talked to her about grieving and not to try to do too much. She needs time to process all that has happened and needs to curl up and cry till she can’t anymore. It helps and you feel stronger after but that the tears will come when she leasts expects them to in the coming days, weeks, months and years in fact.
I will travel down on the 30th for the funeral on 1st. It’s a 6 hour plus journey so need to stay two nights. It will be good to be with Mollie as I haven’t been able to go since last August due to the second lockdown and travel ban.
Thsnkyou all for being here. Always there to pick each other up when needed.
Dear Kate
Im so sorry to hear about your brother in law. What an awful experience for your sister. I hope that she has people around her to help. Thank you for your kind words, they really help.
Deborah xx
Hi Michelle
Thank you for your lovely posts. The comfort and support that we get on here is amazing. My daughter is looking into getting something made from my daughters clothes. We may go for cushions but will see. She was very proud of her clothes and always looked very stylish so I would like to do something with them , I will look at the Teddy bear thing as well as that sounds nice.
Hope you are having an ok day.
Deborah
Thankyou. Yes it’s been such a shock. She has her daughter and son in law up from Anglesey and her elder daughter lives quite nearby. Also two of her adult grandchildren.
Take care of yourself. It’s tough for all of us here. Just glad we are here for each other.
Oh Michelle they are so lovely. We also had bears made from some of Gemma’s clothes, made with such love and tender care by my sister in law. Such a lovely idea xxx
Thank you Victoria, the girls were thrilled with them, they are old fashioned bears with moving arms and legs, I’m going to have one made eventually and I have something special that Matt was wearing when he had the accident which I want to go inside the lady who did them is so sweet and really did a lovely job of them bless her
Love Michelle xxxx
Hi Michelle
They are lovely! I have been taking Kathryn’s dressing gown to bed with me so I have found a site that can make a bear out of it. I have ordered one for myself and my daughter. They are such a good idea.
Deborah
Hi Deborah,
Oh thats lovely, am so pleased am sure you will both be happy with them, you must post a picture for us to see when you have them. Take care
Love Michelle xxxx
Hello all dear friends , hope you are all managing to have a peaceful weekend , that’s when all the memories come floating back . Families spending time with their loved ones . We are still not aloud to visit Sarah, her husband still will not forgive me , when I was so depressed and upset Sarah , we have not been around for a nearly a year now , but see Sarah at next for coffee And took Jessica our Grandaughter to the fair last Saturday I am now sat in front of Dawns pot in the garden weeping as we had a lovely day out with friends yesterday , Sarah was out celebrating with friends . And now I feel so so guilty , Dawn should be here , she so John keeps telling me what else can we do ? Life goes on , but some days I wish so much we could turn back the clock just to see our beautiful children , I know if I had Dawn back I would cuddle her and never let her go . Sorry to be so depressing but it never seems to get any better . Maddie xxxxx
Oh Maddie and all, these days are so hard. I wish I could give you a big hug. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I was a little tearful this morning too but feeling a little tired at the moment. I am having a late y day and catching up with my TV programmes to keep my mind busy.
I am going to see a medium on Tuesday, she has been recommended to me. I feel quite apprehensive but am going to make myself go so I will let you all know how it goes.
Much love xxx
Thank you Marina, this is something that I have felt long and hard about. I do believe that Gemma ‘lives on’ but I am not feeling that brave! The girl who recommended the psychic to me is a very gentle, spiritual person and that has given me confidence. I am not sure if she is a medium but gives spiritual readings. I will let you know how it goes.
Much love xxx
I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad. God knows how we’ve all got this far living with such awful loss….and you have done so well.
Dawn is with you I’m sure but when the reality hits and you just wish you could hug them and love them…it’s gut wrenching.
Our time here is so brief really and our loved ones are waiting patiently for us…not wanting us sad.
My anxiety is starting to reawaken as Henry’s 32nd birthday approaches in October with the 2nd anniversary being 15 days later. Desperately trying to keep busy to keep the sadness away…
I has some lovely bears made for my daughters and Matt’s girlfriend out of his favourite tops and they love to hug them, maybe you could eventually do something like this when you are ready xx
