Hi Maddie I wish I could give you a big hug. I had my grandchildren to stay at the weekend which was lovely. We had a great time but it’s always bittersweet as we were all thinking I wish Kathrym was here to enjoy the fun. Like you I have been very tearful and I still cannot accept what has happened. I am having a quiet day today, I have lit Kathryns candles and am snuggled up on the sofa with a large glass of wine thinking about her 
Lots of love
Deborah xx
Hello Purple , Deborah , Victoria , purple you are so right a birthday , anniversary does awaking our senses . and we try and get through it the best we can no matter how painful it is , but we do . We are brave to carry on without our beautiful children, all we want is to have them back , but we no it is not possible . So we honour them the best we can , as they deserve it. Thinking of you all .with love Maddie xxxx
Hi Deborah, did you get Kathyns lovely cloths turned into teddy’s 
Hi Maddie
I have been taking Kathryns dressing gown to bed every night so I have found a site that will make teddies from it for myself my daughter and granddaughter xx
1 Like
Oh Deborah, that is so lovely . You have to do anything to keep Kathryn close Sending love Maddie xxx
1 Like
Thanks Maddie.
Take care 
1 Like
This song was sent to me after I’d said to a friend that I know that Kathryn is waiting for me and I will see her again. Its beautiful 
2 Likes
Hi Deborah, what a beautiful sing and what lovely words. Your friend sounds like a lovely person xxx
Hi Victoria
She is lovely and has been a huge support to me xx
1 Like
Hi Michelle and everyone who replies and lifts my spirits
I’ve been struggling the last week or so, empty shell devoid of emotion puts it perfectly Michelle. I can chat, smile, make jokes, shop…all the things I never imagined I’d be able to do again but I feel dead inside.
I don’t see the point without Scott. His brother Euan has been on holiday with his dad and I think being on my own makes it worse.
I still struggle to accept it, how can someone so young and so alive and who is such a massive part of your life just been gone? I just want to hide away some days and others I just don’t want to be here at all.
I don’t know how to thank you all for your messages of support, they really do help so much, I dont think I’d have got this far without them
Anne
1 Like
Thinking of you Deborah
Know you not alone
Anne xxx
Hi Anne
I totally agree with how you are feeling. Most days I feel like a robot, just going through the motions of my daily life. Get up see to what needs doing in the house, smile, laugh be what people need me to be in their lives, come home cry feel devastated and numb and go to be bed. That is my daily routine. Every day is the same. People ask me out to join them for a meal but I can’t raise any enthusiasm to go so I sit at home alone and am happy to do so just being by my myself with my girl xxx
1 Like
Hello, Deborah, Anne and All,
Im sorry you’re feeling so down. I can understand wanting to stay home and not join in. It’s where we feel comfortable and this will only change when you are ready. It’s difficult to have enthusiasm for many things everything seeming pointless and empty. We feel we are existing not living. But we are living, we are still here, getting through as best we can. Sometimes it’s just one little thing, a chat with a friend, a smiling face or contact with family will push us forward even though we don’t want to be pushed, we’re happy to dwell.
Sending you all love
Chris x
3 Likes
So very true Chris. Jemma and I were down in the Lake District for my brother in laws funeral. It was just family in a tiny church in the hamlet they lived some years ago. We had such happy memories of visiting when our girls were young, it was hard to think that Michael was lying in this box before us. We found that very difficult as neither Jemma or myself have been to any funerals since we lost our Lisa. I thought I would keel over when the herse drew up and we followed it
Into the church. Anyway, we got through it and to be honest it was so lovely to see all my family together. My sister was amazing. She had been struggling looking after Michael as he was so bad on his legs. In the afternoon most of the family went for a walk and I sat quietly with her and she just fell asleep. Peaceful sleep. I think she needed that so badly.
There were no tears , she had done everything she could for her husband of 62 years. She had no regrets but was so grateful to have fallen in love with him all those years ago. He was a very good man.
Life goes on for those of us left behind. We just live differently these days.
Love to you all and hope you find a way forward Anne. There is no rule book.
Kate xxxx
1 Like
Hello everyone , I must admit when Dawn passed I felt like I was in a trance , didn’t know what to do . But because John my husband , who Dawn put on a ped astral moved on so quickly , I think pushed me along . I even had Sarah saying mum if you going out with friends talking about Dawn , you will lose them. I didn’t have time to grieve , that’s why now I still can’t get over losing my beautiful Daughter ,. So yes Debororah , Anne and all do what you want you feel is right . With love Maddie xxx
2 Likes
Dear Michelle and Deborah…The feelings that you are feeling now is something I think we all have to learn to live with they never go away they are there all the time it’s just that we get better at coping with them, even now after three and a half years there is never a day goes by without I cry for Christian but I accept it as part of what my life now is.
Both your feelings are so raw at the moment and I think you are wonderful to be coping the way you both are and somehow you will find the strength to carry on.
My love is with you…Marina xxx
2 Likes
Dear Anne
I’m on catch up with posts so apologies for late response.
You’re doing so well surviving the life you have now with Scott waiting for you. Every day you have found a way to get through your pain. You’re amazing even if you don’t feel it.
I’ve another son, George, I’m here to love and support him whilst I can. Henry waits for me as Scott waits for you. Time passes so quickly for us and each day we edge towards the exit door.
I’m sending love to you and your family including Scott.
Purple x
3 Likes
Hi Deborah
I went out for lunch with close friends today. They are both much younger than me and one of them went to college with Scott’s friend and once had a night out with him…before she ever knew me. She started to tell a story of that night and how they had tried white Russians, I could feel my eyes fill up and I asked her to stop.
It really is so hard to do these things but I have to admit I find it helps usually. It’s when I’m alone that it becomes unbearable so I hope you will keep trying and not cut yourself off too much. Its not easy but we do need our friends around us. I’m very honest and will tell people when I’m struggling, I try not to but a brave face on it. Its eats into our souls when we try to cover our misery so I just say I’m not very good at the moment but I’m trying.
Thinking of you
Anne xxx
Hi Maddie
I’m so sorry that you weren’t better supported in your grief.
I think it’s so important to keeping talking about them, I mention Scott to people all the time, not so much about losing it but more funny stories or what he was like as a child, it helps me because I was always talking about him, he lived life to the full and always had a story.
I also tell people when I’m feeling low and I never try to cover up how I’m feeling, as you say we all have to do things in our own way, not your husbands way or your daughters way but your way.
Take care
Anne x
1 Like
Thank you Purple
You always have something helpful to say that makes me feel better, if only for a short while.
I have a 22 year old son Euan and yes like you I’m hanging on to love and support him, he is a very loving boy but finds it hard to talk about Scott to me.
We have to protect them until its our time to be with Henry and Scott again
Anne xxx
2 Likes