Dear Anne, Deborah and lovely ladies,
It certainly does help when we read each others posts and realise that we are not alone and when other people explain how they feel and its exactly how we feel it helps me a lot, just over two years for me and I feel empty inside and am just living this strange life like a role in a film just playing my part, I feel guilty sharing this with others as I don’t want their sympathy but am glad to share with you all as you can truly understand. I don’t seem to able to cry anymore like I’m void of emotions and that makes me feel worse, I think its all part of the depression. Matt’s inquest is in 6 weeks time maybe after that I might feel different and move a little further forward as it’s hard having it hanging over us all, I am so angry as I feel that mistakes were made and Matt should still be here but nothing will ever bring him back but you can’t help being angry and guilty for still being here.
Just want you to know Anne and Deborah you are not alone in your thoughts we are all on this journey together 
Take care everyone , sending you much love from Michelle xxxx
Dear Michelle…I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel mistakes were made,and though there is no comparision between the two I also feel mistakes were made over Christian’s death.When we had the inquest the coroner said the cause of death was due to Arrhythmia and though my husband and son asked various questions all I wanted to do was get everything over with, for what questions were asked it would not bring Christian back,it was only the following day when I was going over everything that I remembered that Christian had a minor operation three months earlier so surely it should have been dedected then for when diagnosed people can live to an elderly age…so like you Michelle I feel that I have been cheated of out my sons life.
I am so sorry you are having to wait so long for the inquest, for it’s only afterwards that you can start to try and build your life again…
My thoughts will be with you…take care ,with love Marina. xxx
PS apologies to both you and Anne for frequently getting your names mixed up…( old age creeping up.)
Marina, we found out a couple of weeks after losing Lisa that if she had continued to be monitored after she had her first lung collapse, her condition could have been reversed and she could have lived a long life. It makes me so angry too but it doesn’t do us any good emotionally.
Sadly, it was their time for all of our beautiful children. Who knows why but it is what it is.
Love to Anne and Michelle as you need as much support as possible just now.
Love to all. Kate xx
Dear all, I think we all have the feelings that we wished things could have been different for us. I know I feel that all the time and that is what makes life so hard for us.
I honestly don’t know where I would be without all of you on here … you are all so amazing. It’s lovely to start meeting everyone too and I am looking forward to meeting you, Helen, on the 24th.
Much love xxx
Dear Marina Lisa and Victoria,
You are so right hopefully after the inquest I will be able to move to the next phase of my journey as I feel I’m on hold like delaying my grief your words are so kind and help so much thank you and I know what you mean Kate it was there time and I will eventually accept that in time hopefully, Victoria you say how much everyone helps you on this site which is so true, all your kind words you share really help me and I so admire how brave you are after the loss of your precious girl and you help me to brush myself down and get back on the horse whenever I fall off, thank you to all, much love Michelle xxx
Hi Michelle
I’m so sorry you still have to face an inquest, that will be very upsetting. I understand when you say you can’t cry and are bereft of emotion, I don’t cry often but I do feel so sad a lot of the time especially when I’m on my own and have no one to distract me.
I also feel mistakes were made with Scott and yes it does make you angry, we protected them all their lives only for others to let them down so badly.
I hope you can find some peace after inquest is over
Anne xxx
Dear Anne,
Thank you for your understanding and kind words, always here for you it’s so lovely being able to share our feelings and receive support from all these lovely ladies on this site .
Sending you my love Anne and pray you have a good week Michelle xxxx
Dear Michelle
I’m so sorry the inquest has taken so long. It does hang over you awaiting the outcome but as you say it doesn’t change anything 
I couldn’t attend Henry’s inquest due to Covid19- I think it was possible on Zoom but I just wasn’t up to it. The coroner sent me all the documents to read.
I’m sending you a hug and love as you shouldn’t have to suffer like this.
We’ll all be together one day. Everything is temporary.
Purple x
Dear Purple,
Thank you for your kind words covid is still taking its effect as we will be attending in person but all witnesses will be virtual, just hope they don’t delay it any further, you are so right we will indeed be together one day take care my friend.
Love Michelle xxxx
Hello everyone! How are you all. I haven’t been posting this past week. I was a bit low. I think primarily because of the loss of my dear brother in law and worrying about my sister being lonely. We spoke on the phone on Sunday and we were both sobbing our hearts out. I had just taken Brooke home and as we drove up the hill to their lovely new house Brooke said ’ I wish Mummy was alive to see our new house and garden ’ She caught me off guard and it knocked me back somewhat and therefore I was tearful when speaking to my sister.
It’s so hard for us all. Living with our loss.
Love to all.
Kate xxx
Dear Kate,
That must have been so hard for you to keep your composure when dear little Brooke said that, you do so well to keep it together I admire you so much but you needed to let it all out when speaking to your sister it probably did you both good to have a good cry. Lisa would be happy watching over them living in their nice house knowing they liked it there. Take care my friend always here for you
Love Michelle xxxx
Dear Tray, a sentence you have written resonates so much with me ‘to see the person you love most in the world deteriorate 24/7 is beyond heartbreaking, it’s torture !!’ This is exactly how I felt watching my husband of almost 50 years suffer indescribably and like yourself, it has left me with dreadfully painful memories and thoughts which are just getting in the way of the good memories and thoughts I should be focussing on. Thank you for your words, it helps so much knowing that others know what I am going through.
Dear Kate
Sorry to hear you’ve been low. Another loss adds to the pain- sending love to you and your sister
How strong you are to keep your composure with Brooke - bless her heart wishing her Mum could see the house.
I had a terrible wave hit me last weekend. Took my husband for a Japanese meal and I remembered how enthusiastic Henry was about Japanese food…promised to cook me a meal but then never got the chance. 
. I struggled all day after that lunch.
It will always be like this for us won’t it….how can it not….
Much love to you and all the brave souls living without their beloved children by their side.
Purple
Dear All,
Well done Kate …it is hard to keep your composure with children sometimes. I find the same with Charlie and they take you by surprise.
I have been quite emotional this week but I think we all seem to have bad days or weeks. I wish we weren’t all going through this pain but we help each other and that makes such a difference to me. xxx
Dear Kate
Sorry to hear that you have been so down. My granddaughter is the same, whenever we do anything together she says wouldn’t Kathryn have loved this. It really does break your heart. We were hit with news this week that following 2 deaths in the same place that my daughter died Kent Fire and rescue raised a serious incident with Highways England about barriers on that stretch of road but still they did nothing. I feel so upset and angry that she may still be here if something had been done. Following a petition from my family and another complaint from Kent Fire and rescue they have now installed the barriers. At least another family may not go through our pain.
Deborah xx
So sorry Deborah that you are constantly reminded about that dreadful night,but much respect to you and your family for fighting to get rescue barriers installed thus preventing other families from the pain and agony you have and always will have to suffer.
Much Love and take care…Marina xxx
It must be terrible for you, always knowing that your beautiful daughters death could have been avoided if barriers had been in place. Truly heartbreaking.
Thinking of you and sending love.
Kate xxx
Love to you too. Yes, we will always feel this way.
Kate xxxx
Thank you Marina and Kate. Your words of support and love on here mean so much to me. Its a comfort to know that I am not alone.
Sending love Deborah
It’s four years this coming December that we lost Christian,I was not sure how or if I could survive with losing him, then just by chance I found this site…it was then that I realised there are so many Mothers who have lost their children also and it’s those Mothers that helped me to get where I am today…We are all here to help one another…none of us are ever alone we go through this together. xxx