Well done. We are 2 years past as we lost Lisa in July 19.
As we were away from home staying near the hospital for 2 months, the garden was a mess when we got home. We had no desire nor energy to do anything. However, about month later I suddenly started clearing out the shed, actually an old dog run for the kennel, several trips to the dump and felt better for it. That got me going and hired a local firm to cut back all the laurel bushes and clear a huge bit of ground which was covered by them. We got a grass cutter who comes once a fortnight and what a lift this gave us.
Being able to play with our granddaughter and get her trampoline up, just enjoy the outdoor space again.
Getting your house straight will give you such a boost. We never get over losing a child but somehow we get by living fir them in the way they would want us to.
Have just been very lucky and had a few days away in Cornwall, I so love getting away as it gives me z break from the usual , grieving , life takes on a different day to day life . But as soon as I open that door after returning home it all comes back to reality. As long know Dawn would be on the phone wanting to know if we got home safely and mum did you bring me home some Cornish cream. That is the difference with the rest of the family . No welcome home . I am asking too much , has life changed , that I am asking too much . ? Maddie xx
Hi all
I feel better when my house is orderly. I have OCD and everything has its place in my home. My daughter understood this and was used to it so she would be pleased that I have kept it the same way. Even my clothes are hung in order of colour, itās how I have always been. My garage and shed are in a mess at the moment so I have asked my daughter Charlotte to help me tidy it as it is causing me anguish. I know it is pretty trivial in the whole scheme of things but being tidy helps me function
Maddie we are all here for you, yes our lives have changed dramatically but we are all part of a big family now that are here to support each other. If you and John fancy a trip this way you are more than welcome to stay xx
Dear friends, well I am not really sure what has got me so upset, but upset I am.
Yesterday I had an email from Lisaās solicitor dealing with her estate. Still outstanding is the sale of her work premises which was sold but it fell through.
Apparently they had sent correspondence to Jamie regarding the buildings insurance and had not had a response. I immediately said yes, go ahead o will let Jamie know.
So ā¦ I WhatsApp Jamie about this as he is Lisaās Executor but was met with a tirade, rant even, about he would not deal with this, he didnāt want to hear another word about the premises, it had been a millstone around their necks ā¦ on and on and on ā¦ Well I was in tears. I text back that I cared very much about it as it had been Lisaās and it needs to be insured to keep it safe. Also that we were well aware of the stress it had caused her and that we had done everything we could to take the financial pressure off of her, me working long hours for free and stepping up financially.
I know how much he is suffering and I know he wants the premises sold but the last thing I need atm is dealing with this as well. Give me fā¦g strength! How much more do I have to deal with. I cannot bear to go to the shop sd it hurts so much but now I have to take it on board too!
Gosh I am ranting, I know but at least I can rant here.
Phew, feel better already.
Hello Deborah , Thankyou so much for the invite ,might take you up on that next year . So glad you are keeping the house in good shape , Kathryn would be proud of you , I know some days it must be hard to get on and do things , I know it is for me . Came back yesterday after having a break , and feel just as fed up as before I wemy , bit pushed myself to clean house , washing , and have already tidied the garden , . Atleast itās a lovely day . Kate so sorry you are feeling down , it always seems there is something to sort out , that brings back so many bad memories , hope you you have a better day today Sending hugs Maddie xxx
Oh Kate, bless you. It is so hard when you just want things to be settled and you suddenly have to start dealing with it all over again. I think it brings everything back and somehow forces us to relive our memories.
I hope it gets sorted soon for you. This is the last thing you need xxx
Dear Kate, things continue to jump out on us and we donāt need it. Some might say āthatās lifeā, but itās a hard life.
Thinking of you.
I wish everyone some peace. We are all due for some.
Love Chris xx
Dear Kateā¦When things are thrown at you especially unexpected and it includes your darling daughter you have every right to be angry ,furious and everything else.But because of your daughter you will find the strength to cope with itā¦Rant as much as you want we are here to listen. ā¦Take care Marina xxx
Today I wrote a note to a bereaved mother. I wanted to say donāt believe all those sympathy cards. The ones that say ātime healsā and āGod only takes the bestā and āmay your sorrows be lessened.ā Youāll only be disappointed. I wanted to say this is the most heart-wrenching, chest crushing, breath stealing tragedy on earth. I wanted to tell her there will be days she wants to die, and friends who will not understand some of the things she does or says.
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I wanted to tell her she will still feel her childās presence at times, sometimes so strongly that it is as if they are dancing just at the edge of whatever activity is going on. And other times she might not feel their presence at all.
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I wanted to tell her that her life will not go back, that she will never be the same, because a piece of her left with her child. And that even though the pain does not go away, somehow her soul will eventually make enough room so she can hold it allā the grief, the pain, the joy and the love.
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I wanted to tell herā¦ but I didnāt. Instead, I wrote this: Iām sending love, for words are pointless right now. And that is the truth.
Absolutely, I was on a playdate with Brooke yesterday. The wee girls Granny is a dear friend if mine. Whilst the children played, we sat chatting and talking about our tragedies.
Myself about the pain of losing Lisa, Ann talking about the moment she realised that the private and crash on the news and FB was the on her husband was in. It was her eldest sons birthday, same date as our eldest Jemma. A date I will never forget for the shock that ran through me that day too is so vivid to this day, 6 years on. They have 4 children. The 2nd born has severe disabilities and has had to be cared for outwith the family for many years. Now an adult, she is in her own house with 24 care.
After the 2 plus hours we were together Ann said I had given her a calm that she hadnāt felt in a long time. Just being able to talk openly about our feelings was therapy for both of us.
So, yes you have said exactly what you know it is like.
Only we can know. People mean weāll but they donāt truly understand unless they are one of us.
Dear Deborah, you have described so beautifully the pain of losing a child. Somehow our soul I think does make enough room for the loss. I feel so desperately sorry for people who are just beginning this journey as they have no idea of the pain and heartbreak they will go through ā¦ how could they? Much love to you all xxx
Hello All,
Just been reading all the posts. Lisa Jamie didnāt mean any of what he said heās just hurting inside so much. Maddie, I know how hard it is with the other sibling, Geraint was an absolute pain, JSS, the pain is so real, it tears us apart, you have joined a club no one wants to join but we are here for you and we can say we know what you are going through. Even now 5 years on and I would give my life just to have Sam back. But I take comfort I will see him again not just yet he would expect me to carry on, and I am trying we all try so hard for our children.
With love
Helen
Dear Michelle
Thank you for your lovely message, we had a good day doing our walk around Cumbrae, my friends were such a support and Scottās friends were all there plus our dog Ruby fell in love with some local cows.
I appreciate your kind message so much
Anne x
Dearest Deborah
You are so right, your words just described it all so perfectly.
Iāve read them over and over and they say everything I feel inside. Thank you for your words.
Anne xx
Aww Kate
Iām so sorry to read your rant. It upset me that you were spoken to like that by someone who should have an understanding of what you are going through.
I hope when he realises what he has done that he apologies to you, you do not deserve to have yo deal with that on top of your grief for your lovely girl.
Anne xxx
