Dear all, I am already worrying about Christmas too. I have to avoid Christmas carols and songs and I can no longer put my tree up. It’s just too hard and I have to avoid any triggers. A friend gave me a sparkly twiggy tree and I put that up last year.
Our first Christmas after we lost Gemma, we went out for lunch with her eldest son and another of our grandsons and it was the best thing to do as it was new to us. I think whatever gets us through and that will be different for all of us. We just have to do our best xxx
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Yes Victoria , you are so right when everyone are getting ready for all there Xmas celebrations we try and avoid them , it’s just so darn painful Dawn so loved Xmas and where she had to spend her last Xmas breaks my heart . That’s why we try and go away , and I know going to Italy is a different kind of Xmas Thinking of you Maddie xx
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Hi Anne just want to say sorry. Even that he passed on uour birthday how cruel . This life i dont understand why these terrible things happen. Thank you for texting zoe
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The last time I saw my daughter was when she was helping me put up the Christmas tree last year. She then rushed out the door to drive up to London. 3 hours later a policeman knocked on my door to tell me that she had been killed in a road traffic accident. I want to burn every Christmas tree that exists. I keep thinking if only she hadn’t done that she might still be here. Coming up for the 1 year anniversary at the end of November. Dreading it. 
Deborah
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Oh Deborah theres no words . To explain why these awful things happen .can life ever be ok again .my daughter jess was so close to sam saw him everyday she has 3 children .they kill you eith things they say .get uncle sam back nanny we need to talk yo him .he was there superhero . Sorry got side tracked .do you other children . Oh Deborah why oh ehy does this badness happen love zoe x.
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Hi deborah y ,
I am so sorry, how awful for you i can’t imagine the trauma of dealing with last Christmas after that. Really I feel for you. Christmas is going to be so traumatic for so many of us to deal with this year. All the run up to it is bad enough stirring all the emotions already . I don’t know how I am going to deal with the day,( my son birthday ) I will be crying doing the Christmas dinner with a bottle of wine in my hand I think. I will definitely be back and for to this forum trying to keep sane and seeing how others are coping. Christmas has always been such a happy time, now I can’t help feeling angry , it’s like everyone one being happy at this time just digs the knife in more. Hope We all can come to terms with it and deal with it as best we can in our own way until it’s over . Thank goodness for this forum and the support . Hugs jss xx
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Hi jss yes thank god for this forum .thats so hard your sons birthday . It gives us all a bit of strengh .i dont feel so alone .thank you jss and everyone here its going to be hard xx
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Just read all your post , Deborah I know you are coming up to yourbfirstbanninversary , and I know it will be so so hard for you . ,and will be thinking of you was is life so hard , I am. starting to feel teallybweepy as it’s leading up to the time Dawn started to go downhill . December 11th she was gone , and to leave her in the dreaded undertakers all through Xmas breaks my heart . I wanted to bring her home and lay her in our conservatory , but they advised us not to , so we could not say goodbye to her untill Dec28th. Oh God how became you get over the dreaded Xmas again ? maddiexxcx
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Hi Maddie. I’m thinking of you and everyone else. This may sound incredible but I have just been talking to Kathryn through a medium and an angel board. My daughter Charlotte came with me. We asked loads of questions to make sure it was Kathryn and she got every one right. Charlotte asked what was the number of the house that she has just moved into and she got it right. There are too many things to put on here but it has given me comfort knowing that I was talking to my daughter. It was amazing, me and Charlotte were sobbing. Deborah xx
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Hi Deborah thats so amazing .i believe in all that bet it has given you great comfort take care love zoe x
Oh Debororah, I feel so alated insiside that you had a message from Kathrine. You must feel overwhelmed , that’s all we want . We had so much from Dawn when she passed, thevQuija board we did was well like a phone line to her , and I know she was ok , she told everything , that she was well , she could see us and she was with us and told us to get a life
Wow thats amazing .thats all we want yo know our children are safe xxx zoe xxx
Sorry meant to say , we miss her more than life it’s self , and all I live for is to meet up with our darling beautiful girl again . With lo vecMadfievxxxx
Hello Zoe,
Like you I kept Sam at home with me and he passed peacefully on the Friday 9th December 2016. And now my life has changed, Sam was very much a person who thought of others first, like your Sam.
I’m so proud of him. Like your Sam had so much courageWith love
Helen
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Helen i can see your proud what lovely photos. Has time made it a little easier…not relevant but no 9 is very strong number in my life good and bad …when sam was born he had open heart surgery at guys his main heart valves was wrong way round . He survived that he was our miracle .we went through so much.then he was still taken our superhero love zoe xx
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Deborah, it was lovely to hear that you were able to communicate with Kathryn and that you and Charlotte felt some much needed peace. I used a medium and was able to contact my daughter too. The medium told me things she could not have known and I found it all very comforting.
Many of you are facing difficult anniversaries and the rest of us another Christmas dreading how it will be and how we will cope. My sister and niece are facing their first Christmas without my dear Brother in Law who died suddenly in February. We always had such a lovely time. Most people are getting excited and adverts shout out everywhere. It’ll be a lot less stressful when it’s over.
I’d like to share these words.
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Morning Deborah, so amazing that you had that experience with Katherine. I think it gives us all hope that our beautiful children are still around. I too saw a psychic healer a little while ago and she also gave me hope.
Much love, xxx
Dear all, I have been so tearful this evening. Just so sad … I went shopping with my younger daughter thinking we could spend some lovely time together. But the shops are full of Christmas baubles and it just floored me. It is so hard sometimes to stay positive. I feel as if I want to curl up in a ball and never move again. I hate Christmas now that Gemma will never be here with us 
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Hi VictoriaP I so agree it’s so hard. I went shopping today but it was the Christmas songs they were playing that just finished me off, whoosh the tears came flooding down, thank goodness for
Face masks.
This will be the first Christmas without my son, no decorations this year, he always put those up. Xx
Dear Victoria and all dear friends. We have had a very emotional few days as our Lisa’s wee doggy Jeeves suddenly took unwell on Friday morning. He was so fullness life on Thursday. Such a beautiful day and when we went on our afternoon walk he met up with his bestie and they ran in and of the forest play fighting like puppies. He was running like a blooming greyhound, not a 12 year old labrador.
Anyway, Friday morning he was reluctant to get up ad go out, but got in the car but wouldn’t come out for the walk and seemed to be bleeding from different parts of his body!
Very worrying so gotca vets appointment at 2.30. He was eating so I just thought he had an infection.
Sadly we had to let him go at the vets. I got on the floor with him and held him till his last breath. Absolutely heartbroken. Beautiful dog and he was Lisa’s. I felt that he was another connection to Lisa now gone.
Bless his heart, loved him to the moon and back.
Life is shit isn’t it!xx
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