Thankyou Victoria , yes been really low all weekend . Just about had enough , . Deborah has just called she was amazing , and cheered me up and I know I have got to try and snap out of it. Yes so looking forward to seeing you and Bill Love Maddie xxx
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Dear Drborah,
That is so beautiful and I am sure you and Kathryn are so very proud of him. Like your son Geraint my eldest took his final exam at university and he said to ne mum, there is only 30 people a year that pass this first time. When he called me to tell me he had passed with a 92% pass he said Sam was in that room it was Sam who helped me get through.
With love 
Helen
Maddie,
Keep strong and do nothingā¦hardest thing in the World to do but it does work. You will flummox Sarah as you will not be acting as you normally do. You need all the energy you have just to keep going. I wish I was coming but mu mum is kicking off again.
Love Helen
Thankyou Helen, families they seem to make my grief worse , as they exspect me to carry on as normal , and I feel far from that . Dissapointed that we will not be seeing Thursday , it would have been so nice to meet you after all this time Maddiexx
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To all dear friends here. I know that some of you are dreading upcoming anniversaries. We all find Christmas difficult but I am sending love and hope to those of you who lost your darling children around this time of year. Heartbreaking doesnāt even describe it well enough.
The hope I am sending is that even though we carry this pain for ever , something can happen which changes the way we feel. This happened to me last weekend.
Both Alan and I were a bit low having lost Jeeves. It broke my heart again as he was Lisaās dog. We were out at a Ruby wedding on Saturday night and realised that everyone in that room knew what we had been through over the past 2 and a half years. Anyway, it was a magical evening which lifted our spirits no end. Then, on Sunday Alan left a Telegraph colour supplement open at an advert for a walking holiday in Provence. I read it and it looked lovely. So as we havenāt been on holiday for some years I said, do you fancy this? The answer was āyesā shall we go?
The following 20 minutes I was online booking for us to make sure we got the dates we wanted. They only take a max of 18 per trip a d just one trip per month from April to October. I honestly cannot believe what a boost this has given both of us. My friend said she had the old Kate back!
So as I continue to book flights to Gatwick, hotels in St. Pancras and read and reread the itinerary I feel Lisa sitting with me saying, this is great Mum, you really need to have a proper holiday.
She will be with us waving us away on that station platform, with both arms in the air!
Jemma is ecstatic for us too, just hoping she can get away to her friends in Corfu.
Love to you all.
Kate xxx
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Dear Kate,
That sounds absolutely wonderful, Lisa definitely wanted you to read that page and will be with you every step of the way 
Much love to All Michelle xxxx
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I am sure she was pointing us towards it. Bless her heart, when she was in hospital I said to her that we had cancelled our holiday to Orkney in August 2019. She said, Mum please donāt as you work so hard you need a break, especially with me giving you so much worry. Of course I had cancelled and didnāt want to be more that 15 minutes away from the hospital. Lisa was selfless, her demise she felt was just her problem to deal with. Bless her, she was a truly wonderful human being. This world lost a good one like Matt. So unfair for all our beautiful young men and women that they were.
Take care, lots and lots of love
Kate xxx
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Oh Kate , could not believe how the horrendous time , we h as d the same thing with Dawn. , she was I hospital and we were meeting up with her in Florida , but she was so b as d , and I said to her we canāt go now , and bless her she said Mum just go , it was painful as we stayed all the beautiful places she loved even the one arbGatwick . But we were in constant telephone with the hospital .and she was getting better. And it was lovely, when we got back she in a wheelchair , just seeing her sitting there was so painful But I must admit hVung her in a wheelchair was better than nothing, and she got so much better in a couple of months , and than than watch her going downhill a couple of months later Oh God what a shook cx maddie xx
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Oh have spent a lovely overnight stay with VictoriaHotel w as s amazing . , we knew how each other were feeling but we had
We will you truth thatās all it t Ames is someone out there with lo be and campation and now I feel meeting with Victoria dhevfeels like a sister I never had
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Dearest Maddie and all, we did have an amazing time ā¦ the Famous Five! I feel the same about you and feel very close to you.
I am convinced that when terrible things happen as we have all suffered, good things also happen to help us along and people are put into our lives for a reason. You have all helped me so much it is difficult to put into words. xxx
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Aww Maddie
I could have written the same words, Iām so sorry you lost Dawn, none of us should have lost our beautiful children and its just not fair. You are not alone.
Sending hugs
Anne xxx
Dear Michelle
How painful to read the news report, what a handsome young man Matt was and doing such a wonderful job but so let down which must have been unbearable for you to listen to. He was definitely a young man to be extremely proud of.
Sending love
Anne x
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Dear Kate
Thank you for your kind message, Iām so sorry about Jeeves especially as was Lisaās 21st present. I still have my Ruby as she is only 5 but she just adored Scott so much that I dread losing her. We also chose her together at the SSPCA and he used to take her to stay at his house every second weekend. He would send me photos of her sitting on his knee.
None of what we still go through is easy but that was another awful blow for you losing him.
Thinking of you
Anne x
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Dear Deborah
You are so right, a motherās grief is different. Euan barely mentions Scott and wouldnāt come to a memorial football match we had for him which upset me. He wouldnāt explain why and I heard his dad trying to make excuses for why he wasnāt there.
They just have to process it in their own way, I know Euan has heard me sobbing but donāt come through to see me even though he is a kind and loving boy, I donāt understand what goes on in his mind.
I know you must have the anniversary coming soon as i have, hope you have something in place to help you get through it. I am staying a few days in Ardrossan with my best friend Liam just so Iām not in my flat but Iām still dreading it.
Thinking of you
Anne xxxx
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Hi everyone .thank you for your kind words get a bit muddled on here .so many different people .i thought grief is ment to get easier .the pain is unbearable. We lost sam 27 th april .i want him back now i have so much to say .so much i didnt say he lasted four short months from. Diagnosis. 25 on the 12 rh march. Its impossible to think sams not coming back .im so sad and angry what next xmas its all so wrong it should of been me not sam your children shouldnt go before you .sam was the bravest boy .truly amazing. Just miss him so so much love zoe xx
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Zoe, my heart goes out to you. Our Lisa was so brave as well. When the doctors all came in her room to tell her that they had done everything they could but her lungs had been so damaged by the virus, there was no way she could live off of the ECMO machine. She had also developed a blood infection which had affected her heart.
She just looked straight at the doctor who was telling her and said ā OK, it is what it is, best get on with itā she then said to them that they could use anything of her if that was possible.
Sadly, the donor team phoned us the next day to say the blood infection and made it impossible for them to salvage anything.
My heart bleeds still for my beautiful child.
It does get easier to handle but we always carry our pain with us.
Take care dear.
Love Kate xxx
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Kate,
Absolutely brilliant. You will love Provence. Yes this time of year is so difficult for me 9th December, we had Christmas day for Sam on Monday 5th, and he passed on Friday 9th. If I could go from November 30th to January 2nd I would. For Maddie 11th December.
I hope you have the most fabulous time, you deserve it both of you. You are both such lovely people and it was a privilege to meet you both xxhelrn
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Thankyou Helen. It is so hard facing anniversaries.
We loved meeting you and John and your lovely friends. Hope you will make it up here again.
Yes, so looking forward to a proper holiday. We go by Eurostar and we havenāt been on that yet. Another adventure!
Love to you and John. Take care. Will be thinking of you on the 9th.
Lots of love, Kate xx
Wynne i have just read your message and am sad for you
My son took his own life age 27 . He was married to a horrible woman and he only saw her as his charge and never to me called her his wife.
I realise that this is?not like your loss, but i have moat several of my family to Cancer and like you still donāt understand. I have just grown to accept and get on with my life
Sending you empathetic hugs
Keith
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