Hi Anne
Yes siblings take it so hard and the they take it out on the person they love the most. Maddie knows only too well what Geraint was like to me, in the end I cut him off for 6 months, never spoke never went round. It worked and now I have my loving boy back.
With love 
Helen
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So I’m really struggling today, everything got to me in work, felt like I was hanging by a thread then a customer asked my name so she could put a complaint in about me as I asked her if she wanted a mask and sanitiser…its law in Scotland but her attitude tipped me over the edge and I could feel tears coming.
Looked through text messages tonight between Scott and I, he was saying he had been for a 3 hour walk and was tired but feeling well…it was 10 days before he died.
I’m so tired and just want to drink and sleep, only had soup today as I’ve felt so anxious, it’s feeling again like a nightmare I can’t escape from. I’m doing long days at work and I just need to escape everything. Just want to hide and not talk to anyone but I’m working 9 to 7 tomorrow.
Anne
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Oh my darling, I feel so sorry that you were treated like that by a customer. People need to walk in our shoes to understand!
It is so hard. I think there have been so many times when we all feel so desperate. We are living in a non stop nightmare and people outside of it don’t see our desperation.
Just try and get some quality sleep and try and get through tomorrow.
I will hold you close in my heart as I go to bed.
You are never alone here.
Kate xxx
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Aww Kate thank you so much
It helps to know I can post on here and you are all so kind.
Can’t stop crying, trying to think of something else to try and sleep, have my dog cuddled up next to me but I feel so alone tonight.
I so appreciate your message
Anne x
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Dearest Anne, well done for getting through the day. How horrible people can be when you are doing your best. It is so hard when we have a bad day and people don’t know how we feel. I hope you rest tonight and remember that tomorrow is a new day.
Sleep well and sending you peace, calm and lots of love 
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So sorry Anne my heart goes out to you, having such a hard time , this time of year, all the triggers all the memories, nearly a year for you since you lost your lovely son Scott. Having to work such long hours as well with bad tempered people making angry comments, does not help.
It’s all so difficult sometimes, hope you don’t lie awake all night worrying ,especially not about that Customer . I am sure she would have complained about anyone who was telling her to put on a mask, but anything can tip us over the edge when we are feeling vulnerable.
Hope you can get some sleep. Take care, hugs .Jss xx
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Anne, we tread such a tight rope, trying to keep our balance, it doesn’t take much for us to loose that balance. That one little remark will feel like a punch in the face and it sends us on such a downward spiral. Shame on that woman who refuses to follow rules then tries to twist blame.
I hope you’ve been able to rest and recover. Hold your head up high, Scott will be proud of you for keeping going.
Love Chris x
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Thank you so much Victoria
I’m up and dressed and having a coffee before a 10 hour shift, as you say it’s a new day and can only hope it’s a better one.
Anne xxx
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You go girl! I do 10 hour shifts too and I need to watch that I don’t get too tired as that is when I tend to get weepy. Praying for a better day for you
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Dear Jss
Thank you for your kind words.
You are right, it would have been anyone as I’m so nice talking to anyone and usually get same back. I love my job but christmas time especially seems to bring out the worst in people. I wear a mask the entire day so a grown woman throwing a tantrum over 5 minutes is ridiculous, just as you say i was feeling vulnerable, tired and upset yesterday anyway. Hoping for a better day.
Anne xx
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Dear Chris
Thank you so much, you are right, Scott would have been the first to laugh and call her a nutter, I used to always tell him about difficult customers.
My boss was very supportive and laughed when I said oh actually I should lied and told her your name!
I was just not having a good day, missing Scott so much. Read his text messages from last year and it was like a stab to the heart.
I will hold my head up high, thanks so much for your message.
Love Anne xxx
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Oh Anne,
People can be so cruel. There is no need. I hope you got some sleep. Someone told me grief is like waves sometimes lapping at your feet at others taking you off your feet. Right now your being washed over but it will ease my darling, Scott will make sure of that. He is constantly with you and looking out for you. Take care
With love
Helen
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Hi Victoria
Already had a customer shout at me again for offering her a mask, she said it was outrageous however another customer overheard and thought she was being ridiculous.
Trying to hold it together and get through the day.
Yeah over tiredness makes me weepy too.
Thanks for your message, it has lifted my spirits
Anne xx
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Well done Anne for being able to stay calm with such difficult, rude people. We could maybe excuse them as they could be having a bad day to, but rules are rules and if they don’t like it they should go somewhere else . Maybe one of those zero tolerance notices should be displayed near you . Jss x
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Hi Ruby
I’m sorry to hear that you are having such an awful time. I am the same, we both have the 1st anniversary coming up and I am finding myself crying more drinking more and unable to sleep. Its just all too awful and I still can’t accept that it has happened. I am thinking of you.
Sending love and hugs Deborah xx
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Dear Anne, I think you are an inspiration in being able to cope in working the long hours you do and especially having to take abuse from some silly old ladies.
I know it’s your darling boys anniversary coming soon. and then Christmas with all the memories it brings, must be extremely difficult for you, especially being in an environment where most people are happily buying presents for their loved ones.
I think you are marvellous at coping the way you are…Take care…Marina xxx
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Hello all dear friends, Oh Ann sorry you had bad day yesterday and are feeling a bit better today . It’s worse when you are feeling so vunuable.I I wish we could walk around with a badge saying I am a grieving mother ,I just need a little care and compassion.But some people don’t heed by the rules I hope you banned her .I know quite a few of us have anniversaries coming up and it makes us more sensitive and it doesn’t take much to make us burst out crying a wrong word from someone.And ofcorse this time of year is the worse time ever, it’s such a struggle , everyone will be wishing each othe Merry Xmas and there is no merry for us , that’s why we are going away to get away from it … last week we met up with Victoria and Bill and stayed overnight in a lovely hotel and had a nice time . We are hoping to do it again sometime after Xmas , it would be so lovely if a few more could join us , as we truly are the only ones who know what the other one is feeling . With love Maddie xxx
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It is ridiculous especially as masks are still mandatory in Scotland!.
You are only doing your job and making sure everyone feels safe when shopping.
With love, Kate xx
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Dear Anne,
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time, its so difficult for you as you are approaching Scott’s anniversary, I know only too well how you feel reading all the text messages, it’s so hard to grasp that they are not coming back and you have to put on this act when you feeling like just curling up and crying . You have done so well to carry on working and I think we all know what a lovely kind person you are as even when you feel so low you have something nice yo say to try and lift others, Scott must be so proud of you and is always with you, I know its not in your nature to do this but you may need to perhaps take a bit of time off, you could visit your GP to see what they think, I went through Matt’s inquest which was 6 days and it nearly finished me off, I went back to work straight after, big mistake! I wasn’t up to it mentally but also developed a problem with my hip, my GP persuaded me to take time off and has signed me off until 1st Dec, to be honest I am so glad it’s giving me time to catch my breath if you know what I mean, sometimes you do have to put yourself first, I hope you have had a better day and want to send you a big hug and love, take care dear Anne.
Michelle xxxxx
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Dear Michelle and all,
I think seeing your GP and taking time off work is a good idea. There was a time when I would not have thought of doing that but that was before I lost Gemma and lived a normal life.
As you say, it will give you a breathing space and time to heal. Lots of love to everyone xxx
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