Hi Zoe how are you doing, I have been thinking about you as you said it was your 60th this month and you were dreading it without Sam but you did not say the date. I was wondering if you have got through the day ok , how did you cope or is it still looming ?
Sending love Jss x
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Hi jss its the 29th .ive decided try get my positive head on for sake my daughter and grandchildren.its so difficult i find it hard staying in . Friday took my self to m -s sat with a coffee . I get angry want to shout it out .ive just lost my son .grief is lonely .and you reluaze who your true friends are . Im gonna try and do things and think yea sam eould like that because all im doing is dwelling on the last four months of sams life .thats a very sad memory. But my sam was so happy chilled he would say come on mum get a grip âŚeasy to say all this .doing is another matter .i saw you up early hours jss .this life and how are you coping .so hard isnt it .i think about you and everyone on here. We not so alone as we think . Thank you for caring .your in my thoughts too love and hugs zoe x
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It is so difficult. In the early days I posted on here like I felt that I was going into a room with the outside walls missing. I felt vulnerable and lost and couldnât get back what we had lost. Like our world had crumpled around us.
I still feel incomplete after 2 and a half years. No matter how much we surround ourselves with people and things that have meant so much to us, there is always that void.
My love for my elder daughter and Lisaâs little girl is wonderful but I never stop yearning for our Lisa.
Friends here are amazing though.
Sending love and thinking of you Zoe on 29th.
Kate xxx
Hello Zoe
My son was called Sam as well, and you are so right in these tough horrendous times you do realise who is there for you and who is not. My thoughts will be with you on the 29th.
X he
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Itâs just darn difficult this time of year , itâs when Dawn really started to go downhill , she had spent a few months in hospital the start of 2016!, then she came out she looked good felt good , and November was when she stopped eating became disabled and it was so unbearable seeing our beautiful daughter suffering, she used to be so active loved her holidays . But I told her Dawn we can get over this , but it wasnât meant to be . We have just visited her ,we have part of her with Johns mum , but most of Dawn is with us at home . But at the moment all the bad memories of losing her 5?years ago are coming back and I just cant get them out of my mind , oh I miss her so much it is so unbearable . Maddie xxxx
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Hi Zoe yes one of those nights when I just could not get to sleep even tho I had taken a tablet. I hope you do well with being positive on your birthday and your family will help. Itâs weird how you can think you are having a good day and doing well and all of a sudden you just get knocked for 6 again. I just let the tears come when that happens even if I am out and about, I just put my face mask on and no one looks at me then, let them come and let them go, they are just part of my everyday now.
Hope your birthday goes as well as it can , I will be thinking about you.
Hugs jss x
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Dear friends
Iâve had a leave of absence for the last three weeks. October was such a painful month with Henryâs birthday and then the anniversary- he died on my sister in lawâs birthday and she subsequently died of Covid19 -I felt wretched all month.
Iâm still on holiday although we fly home tomorrow arriving back on Monday. Iâve been ready all your posts -what comes through more than anything is the love we all haveâŚfor our lost childrenâŚfor our living friends and familyâŚfor petsâŚfor life. For each other hereâŚgiving that vital support and understanding through inquests, anniversaries, painful comments and worst of all, further loss.
Iâm definitely coming away again at this time of year as thereâs hardly any bloody Christmas stuff about. No songâs playing to bring on a breakdownâŚIâve only seen one silly gold treeâŚyes, itâs been a blessing.
Your children would be and are most definitely proud of you allâŚfor giving so selflessly and encouraging others on.
Sending so much love and a warm hug to you all. What would have become of me without you all?
Purple xx
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Dear Purple,
Lovely post 
Henry would also be so proud of you too so glad you have managed to escape for a while.
Much love to all
Michelle xxxx
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I am just so thankful for the amazing friends I have made here. You are the only people who understand and âgetâ how I am feeling. As Purple said, âwhat would have become of me without you all.â Through all the darkest times we have been through, I have felt so much love and under from you all. Thank you 
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Hi Deborah
I know, itâs so unbearable. I think of Scott constantly and I canât face the anniversary coming closer or christmas.
I obviously wonât celebrate my birthday but I also wonât celebrate christmas either, itâs just a day to survive. It wonât be as raw as last year but it will be just be as painful.
Thinking of you, canât believe itâs been nearly a year since we lost our lovely children, it shouldnât happen to any mum.
Miss him every day
Sending hugs to you
Anne xxxx
Hi Victoria
Itâs so true, when Iâm struggling I post on here and the lovely, supportive answers help me get through.
No one else really understands, I know itâs painful to lose a gran or a parent but nothing compares to losing a child. They are everything to us and I still feel absolute shock every single day a year on.
The support on this page is sometimes the only thing that stops me having a complete breakdown.
I thank you all x
Anne xxx
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Dear Michelle
Thank you for you lovely message. You are so incredibly strong getting through Matts inquest, I canât imagine how awful that must have been for you.
I didnât see my doctor but I phoned in sick to work for 4 days to give myself a break. It had become completely overwhelming and I couldnât face going in. Itâs not something I would normally do but I just needed to be at home.
I hope your hip is feeling better.
Sending love
Anne xxx
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Hi Anne seems like another difficult night trying to sleep for both of us. Weekends always seem the worst for me . I hope you have not got to get up early for work. Jss xx
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Hello All,
Like Anne and JSS I too find it difficult to sleep hence me posting on here at quarter to 5 in the morning. Although it will be 5 years on the 9th December for me, it still feels so raw, the tears flow wen I think of a life cut so short, a life that was beginning he had settled down with Mathilda in Sweden they had a beautiful flat in Bromma, just on the outskirts of Stockholm. He then came home to tell me in the November 2012 that he had been diagnosed with a brain tumour, they operated in Jan '13. By December '16 he was gone. So like you all I struggle with Christmas in fact I struggle with the whole montthh we had Christmas Day for him on the 5th.
With grandchildren what do you do.My eldest boy Geraint has named the twins Poppy Samantha (after Sam) and Molly Rebecca after Hannah (his wifeâs sister). They know about Sam Poppy seems to talk about him when she comes here and she goes straight to his picture and saysâŚNanny Samâs in heaven with Rosie (the cat). what can you say. I turn away as the tears start to fall. Yes like Anne said thank you all for being there.
We begin to remember not just that you died,
but that you lived, and that your life gave us
memories too beautiful to forget
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Those words are so beautiful and so true, they have made me cry and I canât stop.
The love they gave us will be with us for always and ever it will never die.
Thank you xxxx
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Such lovely words, Helen. I try to remember happy times with Gemma but hard sometimes. It just feels so unfair that we didnât have more time together but a hundred years wouldnât have been enough xxx
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Dear Helen,
I was so moved reading your post, its 2 and half years since Matt was taken and I too find it still so raw, the thought of Christmas makes me ill, so wish we could press a button and go straight to January, to see Sam surfing is so lovely and thatâs just the sort of memories to hold on too seeing him enjoying life, I try to think of Matt running freely amongst all the wild life as he loved been in Africa. All our children are around us and will stay by our sides forever
Sending love to all and praying for strength to help get everyone through all the up and coming anniversaries also the dreaded Christmas 
Love Michelle xxxx
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Dear Anne,
I am so glad you had a little break from work and I know what you mean as I too normally just get on with it but sometimes you need to recharge your battery, Scott will be so proud of you and will be right beside you always. You and Deborah are in my thoughts and we are here for you as you face these anniversaries of loosing your precious children.
Sending you much love Michelle xxxx
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Dear friends, just caught up with all your posts after having Brooke at the weekend. She does the same things her Mummy did at that age and when I see her playing on the floor with her toys, she reminds me so much of Lisa. Although, she has mannerisms of Jemma! Both our lovely daughters mixed into the genes of this wee sausage. She decided to watch TV laying along the top of the arm of the sofa - exactly what Lisa did too. She sits on the floor both legs straight and out each side and holds her feet - again just like her Mummy.
I am not dreading Christmas as Brooke is so excited already, we all get caught up in her delight. I miss Lisa with every breath I take but I promised her I would do my very best for her baby girl. To think she was only 3 when her Mummy passed but what a wonderful little person she is.
Love to all and hugs and peace to those of you who are struggling.
Much love, Kate xx
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Gosh Kate your little granddaughter seems to be growing up so quickly, she is a little darling, and from the photoâs youâve sent she looks so much like both of your gorgeous daughters, âŚ
With love Marina xxx
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