It’s the grandchildren that keep us going. I wish like Michelle I could skip straight to January and just get on. I know what Sam would say!! We are going to a cottage in Dorset for a week to encompass Sam’s passing we always go away usually to Cornwall but decided on a change this time. This is a rather naughty photo Sam sent me when working on the fruit farm in Australia, I used to package up the biggest bars of chocolate I could find along with pot noodles and oxo cubes which kept him going so after a package had arrived he sent me this. I put it on to cheer me up!!
I fully understand how you feel . I lost my son 32 year old 3 week ago and the pain is so deep . It’s the way people expect you to arrange things like funeral directors expect me to have £2000 for deposit death certificate wanted by bank ect . I’m in robot mode . I have a strong support group and know one day I will look back and smile about the silly things Matt did but it’s small steps and allowing grief and to cry god bless you .
It is terrible dear. We all know the feeling of kind of living outside of your head. Doing things and arranging things but not really aware we were doing it. The early days are horrendous. It does get easier to cope with but it takes a long time. We lost our younger daughter Lisa July 2019. She had just had her 31st birthday. She left behind her wee girl and partner, her loving sister and us, her mum and dad. It hurts so much you can hardly believe the pain you feel.
I hope you will join us here and keep posting. We all understand everything you are feeling and will walk with you through whatever lies ahead.
Take care.
With love, Kate xx
Hello Ajth,
It is an horrendous journey, I lost Sam 5 years ago 9th December, but suddenly the pain can tear through you, but as time goes on it seems to get easier, purely and simply because your grief walks alongside you. This site and the people on it help and are still helping me, we will do the same for you. When we say we understand how you are feeling we certainly do, keep posting Ajth.
With love
Helen
Hi Sams mom ,
Are you having trouble sleeping to? I am having a bad night , too many memories won’t let me sleep. There is no one who can make it better or take the pain away . All I can do is come here when it all gets too much. Just thinking how unfair it all is and how am I possibly going to get through next month x
Hi Jss
Yep, this always happens leading up to an anniversary, been awake since about 10, I fell asleep quarter to 7 till about 10 and awake ever since everything going through your mind. Sam, then my husbands youngest son Wayne who is only 37, an alcoholic, work shy and very lazy and blames John for everything. And then you have Lee his eldest boy, works so hard and is absolutely brilliant and then I think of Sam, who I know would be horrified who loved working and would help everyone all going round in my head. Horrible thoughts like why is Sam not here but Wayne is.
Love
Helen
I have not been to sleep yet even tho I took a sleeping tablet earlier so that’s not going to work, hope I go to sleep by 5 I have an appointment at 11. My son was always at the gym and when I see hugely obese people older than my son with trolleys full of junk food I think How strange life is.
However I think Wayne must have problems of his own him being an alcoholic, I read once “ not everyone who has trauma becomes an alcoholic but every alcoholic has experienced trauma” and that made me more sympathetic. The trouble is they won’t acknowledge the problem until it takes over their life , and men won’t talk about their mental health. I must admit I need a drink myself most days now to cope even if it’s only 1 glass of wine, and that 1 glass could go to 2 and then every day so I will have to be mindful of that, but then when you think what’s the point anyway !
Will you be doing anything for the anniversary? Xxx
Oh Helen I see admin have removed the cheeky photo of Sam with the chocolate you bought him. I thought it was absolutely fine and it showed what a great sense of humour he had, but I suppose rules are rules. Xx
Hi Jss,
Yes, we always go away usually Cornwall but this year we are going to Dorset on the 9th we’ll go out for a meal buy a pint of lager that is placed in front of an empty chair and we toast him with a glass of wine. Wayne has a lot of issues, but he is getting dangerously ill with it now and I don’t want John or his ex wife Carol to go through my pain.
Love
Helen
I know, didn’t think when I put that on there it was just to cheer me up it must have been so hot there, and he had such a lovely carefree outlook on life, he was such a kind caring person and as I said to jss, about Wayne, who has always been so selfish and expects everything I get upset but I am going to try and talk with Wayne try to get through I doubt if I will, John is now at the end of his tether with what to do for the best as Wayne also works for John, thinks nothing of turning up still hungover not having had a change of clothes or wash. Sam would hate to see John struggling like this he lived him so much.
Sorry to go on…I’m at the end as well with it all
Love
Helen
Hope you’re getting some rest just thought I’d post another picture of Sam, showing his cheeky nature He went fancy dress as Harry Potter…not too sure about the glasses
Hi Helen what a great photo of Sam. He certainly made the most of his short life and enjoyed himself , that must be a comfort although so unfair you lost him too soon.
Wayne must be so unhappy and it will be such a worry to you all. unfortunately there is not a lot of help out there for alcoholics unless they are really really determined and then it is a very difficult path back for them. It’s not as simple as just a choice once it’s got hold of you it’s a real addiction so he need professional help. Good luck with that conversation , it’s very kind of you to try with all you have been through and are still going through. it will be difficult finding the right words to get through to him but he will know you care if you do .
Jss xxx
Thanks jss for your kind words, I know deep in my soul I have to try so that I don’t get a conscience if or when something happens. I have no what ifs or I could have with Sam because I know I did absolutely everything. The only regret is I let Sams dad back In to see Sam but at the time thought it only fair. I later learned from my eldest that Sam had walked away from his dad.
Maddie, Sam so loved life always doing something going somewhere and had so many friends.
Love Helen
Hi all thank you for all your kind words and messages not been on for a few days.wenr to see my cousin in southend .dont know why just wanted to get home coz thought sam might be there .then it makes me crazy how can you have your 25 th birthday and die a month later .this awful cancer … sarcoma i hate them words fit and healthy gone in less than four months .i want to scream. Where is he .wheres sam gone. Is he safe .my boy is he safe .i spoke with a Councillor this morning and cried for the whole hour .this void is to big to bare.my daughters arranged something for saturday for my 60th monday just cant believe sam wont be there .its not right but have to try for my jess .she musses her brother as much as i do they was stuck together always .i really hope sams flying high sorry to go on thank you so much for your kindnes would be lost .without you . Hope your all getting so sleep x xLove zoe sams mum xxx
Hi Zoe that’s exactly how I feel. If we only KNEW it would take some of the anguish away. We spend our every waking thought worrying about them , trying to help them, advise them, looking after them, even when they grow up and don’t want the fuss , we are their mom that’s what we do, we can’t help ourselves. Then all of a sudden they are gone and we are helpless, we can’t help our babies any more. I think They will always be our babies what ever age because we are their mothers. In the poem “Miss me but let me go“ it talks of the journey we all must make alone , but we were there from the day they were born, we have always been there for them how can they just not be there anymore. Everyone just says they are at peace now, er ? I suppose we just have to wait until it’s our turn.
I hope the counselling helps you, I have thought about going down that route but have seen mixed comments on here. At the moment I could not even cope with the logistics of getting to see one. I have had a few hospital appointments for different things that I have been waiting for since before my son died but have just cancelled them because I can’t cope with going and I really don’t even care anymore .
Hope all goes well Saturday and as you say you have to think of your daughter now .
Love jss x
Dear Jss and Zoe. My heart goes out to you both. It is a terrible emptiness we feel. Always wondering if they are with us but we can’t see them. There are times when I suddenly start talking to Lisa, when I am driving usually, it’s as if I sense her being close. Sometimes I reach out to the passenger seat to take her hand, if only I could feel her touch.
The past 2 and a half years have ripped my insides out but I put on smile and everyone thinks I am doing fine. I am not, none of us are but we get used to the fact that we have to carry on without part of us being there. We love our elder daughter Jemma and our granddaughter and son in law so much and they need us too. I think the support my husband Alan and I can give them helps us deal with our grief. I know Jemma and Jamie are hurting so much too. A devoted sister and a very much in love son in law who said to me he loved Lisa so much he couldn’t even begin to explain how much.
That poor lad, works hard and looks after our little Brooke so we’ll. We are truly blessed with our family but there is still always a void.
You will both make small steps to recovery but it does take a long time.
Keep posting. We give each other strength.
Much love, Kate xx
He went fancy dress as Harry Potter…not too sure about the glasses