Hi everyone, I like to hear how everyone tries to cope by keeping busy, booking a trip, going to church, making a memory book. Eventhough this is with trepidation or plans dont materialise, at least Ideas are being considered, they are being thought about. We have to just to survive in whatever way we can. I’m still looking for something new to bring into my life, yoga? voluntary work? Family keep me quite busy each week but i would like to find something. It wont come to me, nothing is that easy, I’ll have to seek it! I still find it hard to plan too far ahead, i just get scared. But we have booked an Alaskan cruise and tour of the Rockies as it will be a special wedding anniversary this year. Helen, i like what you said about Jo seeing everything through our eyes.
Sending love. X
Morning Bir and everyone,
Such a good question Bir. It is early days for me, just 3 months but do far I cope by spending time with my family and I feel supported by them.
I have taken up swimming again as I find it relaxes me.
You are so right in saying that we survive whatever way we can. Some days just putting one foot in front of the other is enough … baby steps.
My problem is being so tearful. Every day I still find myself crying and can’t seem to stop.
I hope we all find some peace today.
xxxx
Hi VictoriaP, I wish I could tell you that the crying stops because it won’t. It may lessen a little so you may think it is getting easier then something reminds us of our tragic loss, its never far away. It is very early days for you. I’m glad you find swimming helps you to relax. It was one of the ideas i thought about for myself. Being in touch with people on this forum is such a help. So glad i found it, although i wish that i had never had to seek it.
Take care x
Hi Bir89c and everyone…Its true what you say about the crying,it was five months yesterday that Christian died and instead of the tears lessening, this last week its gradually got worse…You would think the summer days would make the grief easier but somehow it also brings with it more memories and with the memories comes such sadness of the happy times we once had with our Sons and Daughters and there is always that question,WHY,WHY did it have to happen…
Love to you all …Marina…xx
Dear Marina and all,
My husband and I have come away to Brixham for a few days, some good friends have lent us their holiday apartment. I didn’t want to come but thought I should for Bills sake. We went out for supper this evening and I fled from the restaurant in tears.
It is just so hard living this new life without my daughter and I have changed so much in the last 3 months. I actually feel on the verge of madness sometimes and I am usually a calm, measured person.
But tonight has made me more determined to try and live my life peacefully and not a tearful mess.
Wish me luck. xxx
To Victoria,Helen and Everyone…In the middle of the tears there are things which make you smile…we still have the red robins nesting in the garage so we leave a window open for them so they can come and go as they please…this evening I was sat by the window looking out onto the garden and there was this little robin first he went to the bird feeder had something to eat, he then went to the bird bath had a splash about and then flew to the open window of the garage…I had to smile their just like humans…Bed,Breakfast and Evening meal the only difference being the birds are more savvy then us they get it for free…where as us humans have to pay for it.
Love to all …Marina xx
How lovely Marina,
They say that when Robins are near so are your loved ones, so Christian will be all around you.
Take care
Love Helen
Thanks Helen…I take comfort from that…for the robin was Christian’s favourite bird…
Love to all …Marina xx
Morning Marina, Helen, Victoria and all mums and dads, Another weekend approaches and it brings back the memories of sharing happy meals together and going for country walks. Daniel was such a key member of the family and we miss so much his quiet smiles and gentle encouragement. Like Helen says about Sam, I know Daniel would be saying “ get on with living, mum and stop all this sadness” but as the days, weeks and months go on and stretch into the future knowing he is not with us sharing the ups and downs of life is so often unbearable. The tears are always just at the corners of my eyes ready to spill down. Like on this site I am trying to find ways to galvanise myself to do something productive. Last week having not run for many decades I have started to do short runs and it has helped a bit also makes me realise how unfit I am… Daniel would certainly be encouraging me but also being saying “ are you crazy!!”. Sending love to all Wynne
Dear Wynne and all,
Well done with your running, Wynne. I am sure it helps to do some form of exercise. Maybe we’ll hear of you running in the London Marathon?!
Gemma is always on my mind and especially at family gatherings. I am so dreading Christmas.
A friend gave me some advice which I found helpful … if I am having a bad day and very tearful, I should think ‘well today I am having a bad day but tomorrow will not be so bad’. I have found it helpful but I feel that we have to do whatever gets us through each day.
Much love to you all. xxx
With these long summer days approaching I thought the sadness I feel would ease slightly but somehow it feels worse…The grief of losing Christian is unbearable not just for myself but also for Christian. He had so many ambitions,so many things he wanted to do and so many places he wanted to see,and now it’s all gone…So the grief I feel is not only for myself but for Christian too…Love to all you Mums …Marina xxx
Hello Marina
Yes you’re right these long summer days and nights make me feel Sam can you see this and straight away the answer comes back yes. I had a really bad day 2 days ago and the following night I had a dream with Sam there, it was so real I could touch it. He kept smoothing the side of his head, (he had a very bad scar there from the operation to remove what they could of the tumour) and I was talking to a friend " look you wouldn’t believe how well he looks". So I know Sam did his utmost to tell me he is here he can see all that we can…so I am sure Christian also can see and hear all that is going on. Forgive me if I repeat myself but love is way too strong a bond to be broken by death and Christian loves you he is here, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that Sam is with me every inch of the way, and when it is time to close my eyes for the last time he will be there to take me across.
With love to you all
Helen
Dear Marina, Helen and all,
I too have been missing Gemma so much during this lovely weather. Gemma loved being outdoors and would love these sunny days.
‘Grief is another expression of love’ but it is so hard for me and for you missing your lovely boys.
It is comforting to know that your children are still around. I don’t feel Gemma around so much now which saddens me and I haven’t dreamt of her either. I feel as though she has slipped away from me and would love to feel her presence.
Love to you all xxx
Hello everyone here,
Shortly before he died, Chris said to me ’ When I die I will have to give up the ego, and will become part of the universe. I will not leave you, you will be able to see me in the beautiful sunrises and sunsets, you will hear me in the flowing stream and rustle of the leaves, and feel me as the breeze touches your cheek. I will become part of the beauty of nature, and energy of the atmosphere. ’
I feel joy therefore in these beautiful days, it is an exquisite joy and an exquisite pain.
Love to you all
Anneka x
Dear Anneka, Helen and all, what beautiful sentiments from your son Chris becoming one with nature. I, too try to find positivity in these beautiful days but the pain is so very close to the beauty. Just wanting to share the sunshine with our son, Daniel. I had my last counselling session this afternoon. In many ways it gave my week a focus and my counsellor always gave me some positive ideas to think about. I wonder how I will cope without this support. As I mentioned in my last post I have started running a bit in the morning which has helped with my sleep pattern. I wonder how others are coping? Life remains so very hard and often futile. At times I feel I am in one long dream with no possibility of the dream ending. Sending love as always. Wynne
Hi Wynne and all,
Yes i agree, life does remain so hard and futile. We just exist day to day, in that dream. You mention positive thoughts, but did you find the councelling useful in other way?
I feel that i cope when kept busy so i try to be. People say do something for yourselves, but i find almost everything we do is for others. I dont mind, just gets me through each day.
Love to all. X
To everyone…I feel devastated that I am still here with my life still in front of me and my son Christian’s life is over…I gave him life and cruelly it was taken away from him…he had so many hopes and dreams which are now gone,so my grief is not only for the loss of my son but for the dreams my son had…Love to all…Marina xxx
Dear Bir and Wynn,
Counselling has been suggested to me but I would have quite a journey into Oxford every week and not sure I could cope with that at the moment.
I find that Gemma’s boys keep me going. We had them both here at the weekend and they are my main reason for carrying on. I say to myself ‘those gorgeous innocent boys have lost their mummy … they can’t lose their Grandma too’ and I love having them around. I can help them to keep their mummy’s memory alive.
I hope you all have a peaceful day and I am in awe of how everyone is coping. Much love xxx
Hello All
Bir you’re right I do so much for everyone just to keep me busy. I think it’s my nature anyway and I know it was Sam’s way to help anyway he could. Marina, bu you are so right also I do feel that it should have been me that went not Sam, he had so much to look forward to and to give. They say life is unfair and it is, I love Sam so much and I try to do as he would wish, keep going for the sake of everyone else around me, though I do have private moments when I think I would be better off out of this World but know that is an impossibility…For one thing Sam would absolutely think that was horrendous especially when he fought so hard to stay and secondly, I have another son and I would not double his burden in the same way I would not do that to John my husband although not Sam’s dad loved him so much
With love Helen
Dear Englishldy,
I hope you don’t mind me writing to you. I am so sorry for the terrible loss of your son. So sad for you.
I lost my daughter on the 1st February, she also took her life and I am beyond heartbroken. It is much more recent for me and I so hope you are coping a little better now. Just wanted to reach out to you. xxx