Hello all,
I have read all these lovely comments and find comfort in lots of them. It will be 6 weeks Saturday that we lost our Sam and I feel a lot of the same feelings and we are going to my oldest daughters wedding in Corfu next Friday which will be bitter sweet. Sam was looking forward to this and it was a difficult decision of my daughter’s to go ahead with it. There will only be 15 of close family there so it should be okay. I hated the sunny days initially but now hate the rainy ones can’t win really.
Thanks to you all for sharing your feelings and experiences they are a great help.
Sal xx
Hi Sal,
Bless you … such early days and the wedding too. I hope you will find the wedding will be especially meaningful and will also be a special time for you all to be close.
Sam will be with you in your heart, we will always carry our beloved, precious children close to us and that will never change. Our memories run so deep.
Sending you lots of love. Daryl xxx
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Thank you so much Daryl x
Hello Sal
My son was named Sam as well, It is early days for you, and I think you are very brave and very positive to be going to Corfu. I am sure Sam will be right by your side, I understand the difficult decision to go ahead with the planned wedding and the torment she and indeed yourself are going through. My Sam died of a brain tumour but kept his remarkable spirit and humour right to the very end. I was very lucky to have had Sam with
me for 4 and a quarter years when in fact the diagnosis should have been only about a year to 18 months. He is always around me and I know that your Sam will be with you and your daughter throughout. Speak out loud to him he will hear you, as I have said before love is way too strong a bond to be broken by death.
With much love Helen
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Thank you Helen yes it’s been difficult to consider going ahead and to change the booking etc and to even be able to bare thinking about Sam not being there in person but we are determined to celebrate the event as best we can as Sam was the middle one between 2 sisters and was excited about the wedding. I enjoyed hearing about your Sam he sounds an amazing person and I am truly grateful for your advice and support and will continue to speak out loud to him especially when we are away from home in Corfu.
Many thanks,
Sal x
Hello Sal
Please do speak to him he may not be here like my Sam but his spirit will never go away that is how I know that Sam both yours and mine will be there.
with love Helen
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Dear Helen, Sal, and everyone. Thank you so much for the words that keep us going on. As you say love will never die and I try to remember that when I think about our dear Daniel. It was my birthday yesterday and of course on days like this we miss our sons and daughters even more. Other members of the family and friends are kind and thoughtful but your whole being cries out for the one member of the family who is not there. I know that we must cherish even more now those good people around us as life can change in an instant never to be the same again. The questions will always remain why do we have to have lost and why did Daniel suffer so much. I do hope we can all meet again. Sending each of you hope and love. Wynne
Dear Wynne and everyone,
Such lovely words which I do take great comfort from. I hope you managed to have some brightness on your birthday, Wynne, but so hard that we have to go through these dark times without our beautiful children.
I found yesterday difficult as I found out that Gemma’s ex husband is getting remarried. I am close to them both and realise that it is an extra layer of stability for Charlie but I felt so much pain inside … Gemma initiated the divorce and I now realise that somehow she couldn’t keep her marriage going … depression is such a desperately cruel illness it just stripped my Gemma of everything and finally took her life. I hope she is at peace now and long for the day when I can put my arms around her again.
With love, Daryl x
Oh Wynne that must have been a difficult day I agree with all that you say and hope that is indeed the case in the future. I am trying to be brave for my daughters especially with my oldest daughters wedding next Monday in Corfu I am trying to pack but today is not a good day for me. Your words have spurred me on and I take great comfort from them.
Much love,
Sal
Hello Wynne and All
I understand how hard it must have been for you on your birthday. I have now had 2 birthdays and 2 mothers day’s. Each time it’s hard, but because I talk out loud to Sam and I think of all the positive things he did throughout his life I can just about manage although the tears fall. This mother’s day my eldest brought his card round and he had written in it “thank you for being there and for being our mum” love Geraint and Sam… He had written Sam into the card.
So I ask myself when the tears fall and my feelings are “what am I doing here why can’t I go to sleep and never wake up” I realise that I have no choice but to carry on and try and look for the positive somewhere…don’t always find it like today but I keep trying.
Love to you all
Hello Wynne, I hope you enjoyed your birthday the best you could although I know who you would be thinking of its just never the same without our beloved children is it ? We have just back from Florida after having scattered Dawns few ashes near the Disney castle and we all had a few tears, I am beginning to regret it already as, everytime I see them advertise it on tv , al I can think about is that is where we left her, but she so loved it there. I don’t think we will ever go back again it just wasn’t the same too many memories. I am now convinced that the second year is as bad as the first, I cant get it out of my head seeing Dawn take her last breath, its just a reacurring nightmare that will not go away. Love to you all Maddie xx
Hello Wynne, Helen, Sally, Maddie, Victoria and all,
Recent posts describe our existance so well. There is so little in life that we can gain pleasure from like we once did. Wynne, i agree with your post entirely. Maddie, i hope you will one day feel comfort that you have placed Dawn in her favourite place. Sally, i have found the build up to anything so difficult, more than when the event actually takes place. Time doesnt stand still. The wedding is going to happen, so let it go on all around you. I hope you can all have a nice time. Victoria, hearing that news must have been a blow, as time goes on, it sinks in and we it begins to make sense.
Everything around us feels like a hammer blow, sad memories are never far from our thoughts. But we must focus on happy memories too or we get into a downward spiral of negativity. As has been said, we appreciate the smallest pleasures incase life changes suddenly as we know it can.
Its incredible the difference one person can make in your whole life and how emptyit feels without them in it.
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Hello bir89, you are right life is just an existence, evan our friends we went on holiday could not cope with black moods it was only besause we had a villa for a week and another condo at the end of our holiday she realy got to see what I was realy l like I quoted what Gloria hunniford said in her book, look down on your sleeping child and imagin them not being there, istill don’t think it sunk in, whish we had gone by ourselves its just we have been friends since I carried Dawn and she carried her daughter the same time . Love to all going through this terrible time Maddie xx
Thanks bir89 as you have reminded me that I can let the wedding go on around me and will get some happy memories from my grandchildren being there with us and my daughter’s also being together whilst missing Sam will be sharing time and memories in a fresh place in the sunshine. Also Maddie you have given me food for thought on scattering Sam’s ashes as we were planning on doing this at our favourite holiday place from when they were all small. I find many things helpful from this site and I thank you all for sharing these things.
Hugs and thoughts to you all,
Sal
Hi Wynne…Just to wish you Best Wishes for yesterday…It’s strange to think that the anniversaries we used to look so forward to with such joy, we now want the day to pass as quickly as possible…Christmas,Birthdays,Mothers Day,Fathers Day now take on a whole new meaning which is really sad because our Sons and Daughters used to look so forward to them…Perhaps we should try harder for them…
Love to everyone…Marina xxx
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Hi marina, what you have just said really resonated with me and yes I think that’s right and trying harder to enjoy those things that they did look forward to and enjoy seems like a really good plan.
Thanks for that as we all know anything that can help someone is great xxx
Hi All,
I would just like to echo Sally’s comment that I find so many things helpful about this site … it is a life-saver for me st the moment.
I go try hard to be cheerful but it is so hard and I am afraid my friends will just tire of me. I do t tend to accept invitations at the moment.
Wynne, I was thinking of you on your birthday and hope you had some nice moments.
Much love to everyone xxx
Hi Vic…I just want to say…True friends will understand exactly how you are feeling and they will remain true friends…if they tire of you when you need them the most, they are not the truest of friends …go with your feelings if you want to cry than cry…if you feel like being cheerful then be cheerful…but it’s you that’s going through this nightmare and it’s you and your family that really only matter…Hugs and kisses…Marina xxx
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Dear Marina, Helen and everyone, Another weekend passes and we decided to go down to the coast in North Wales a few days ago. We have spent many holidays there with Daniel. It was good to have a change from the routine but oh so hard remembering all the fun times we shared altogether. Looking back we were so carefree and happy. Now we try to hard to find some joy in the scenery and this new life that has been inflicted on us but so very hard. Even choosing our ice creams and knowing which flavour Daniel would have chosen makes even the simplest of things so very hard to bear. On way back driving from Wales we had the window down and a beautiful pure white feather danced in through my window landing on the dash board. I like to think it was Daniel saying he is still with us. I do so wish I could give him the biggest hug and hear his voice. This journey is too much to bear. Sending love to all. Wynne