Dear Jss
People have no idea what you are going through. I get told I’m so strong because I’m back at work and appear normal most of the time, they don’t know that our lives are forever changed, that we think about our lost child every minute of every day and that we will never be the person we were before because the future we should have lived with our beautiful child is gone!
I think I was about 7 months in before I gave a damn about anything, that I felt I was just surviving day to day.
It does become less raw, less shocking but it never goes away, like a dark cloud constantly following you.
I desperately needed someone to tell me if it would get easier because my thoughts became extremely dark and I didn’t think I could survive it. You do it day by day with lots of support and those who aren’t there for you…they need to go.
Sending hugs
Anne x
Dearest Purple and all
You don’t know how many times I’ve struggled and I’ve come on this site and told you all everything I feel and I’ve had so much back from you all.
One night I was in the depths of despair. I put my feelings down on this site, before I went to bed I had a lovely message. In the coffee shop the next morning there were 5 or 6 more, I cried but I felt so supported.
I really don’t know how I would have made it through this last year without all your support, we understand each others pain.
Love Anne x
Dearest Anne
I feel that I have travelled this awful journey with you as we lost our precious children at the same time. I remember those dark days that you describe and wonder now how we ever survived them. We didn’t want to join this club of mothers that had lost our children to just tragic unfair circumstances but join it we did and i am so grateful for the love and support that we have received from all on here. I would love to meet up one day but meanwhile I hope you can have the best Christmas that you are able to have and please know that you and everyone on this wonderful site are in my thoughts. Love and peace Deborah xxx
Hi jss there is no words .its like i have to put this smile on. Went to see father xmas with my three grandchildren. I had a mad moment wanting to shout its all make believe this life is shit .as i was going out the door santa called me and said light this candle on xmas eve for all your children .he threw me .i will light the candle .i hope sam knows how much we miss him .i just want to know his he ok . Is ok .why did they take our children . I love westlife .i saw them in concert jss years ago .i play i am a giant by rag and bone man sam loved it .and he was so brave he was our giant.to me he seemed like a boy . Lived at home .but he handled his illness like a man so strong so brave never moaned . Why did he get this stupid cancer .why did any of our children pass so young its truly wicked .xxx
Oh deborogh you poor lady yes it’s your son and what courage it took to actually open up to tell someone and then get that reply no matter how our child died it’s our child our pain and yes I am still slowly learning how to keep distance the one with heart of stone
This became when hubby died 12 weeks ago he was my everything I can’t shop can’t cook fridge empty unless I force myself to go get few bits today just plate of chips to putt something inside me all my family know after loosing our child I developed an eating disorder iv only got it under control last 4 years but least stress it jumps straight back at me hubby supported me through this without pressure he turned tears to laughter don’t think iv laughed in 12 weeks so sad when all I hear is if anything I can do just say we’ll who keeps wanting to ask they all know my difficulties and if they really wanted to help they’d just do it I fully understand your feelings when you say they get fed up with listening but only if they wore our shoes for half hour then they may react differently thank god for this platform I am of now back to lay down crying into tissues then medication iv been on since lost my child with nobody to fully understand me like hubby did I do feel broken a dark hole I just can’t get out of and on top of all that I alway end up apologising for been so upset to be told it’s ok just got no words please try take care iv no words to make you feel better other than do your best to eat sleep as my eating disorder makes me feel so I’ll on top of my grief if only I had people that turned up with a meal shopping of snacks bits I could have at hand it’d make me feel at least they care and maybe this eating disorder would stay under control
Oh purple how sad my heart goes out to you with huge big hugs you was so brave to open up like that he’s your boy nomatter how he died so did part of you that person as a mother whom lost a child herself needs to sit and think on her actions my heart bleeds inside for your pain sending you so much love and hope if you can find any big hugs and love 
Bless you Anne . It’s the same for all of us…we can share our darkest, saddest sometimes maddest thoughts and feelings here and people understand.
You realise you’re not going mad…we’ve all lost our most precious irreplaceable children and we understand.
No one else does or can. I’m forever grateful for the wonderful encouragement I’ve had and I try to keep the light going.
We’re all in this together.
Much love to you xx
Purple
Zoe, JSS Anne, and to all of us on here,
Zoe, sometimes the strangest moments occur, like Santa saying light this candle for all your children. It was Sam’s way of saying I’m OK mum please dont be hard on yourself. I know Marcus the medium I saw said he’s sat right beside you and wants to kiss the top of you head for evertytime you did that to him before I went to bed. Sam would always stay up later with John watching a load of crap on the tv. Marcus also told me that he asked if I would make sure Mathilda was OK, he was worried about her as she seemed so lonely. How the hell would Marcus know her name was MAthilda, I never told him it was the first time I had seen him. Marcus told me that as spirit they have to learn again and they will use anything to let you know they are around. With my Sam it’s always electric, the first year after he had passed, Dee my friend put the tree up for me with the lights on but never plugged them in (for the grandchildren) she took me out for a ride and when we came back they were on but not plugged in…also when we were in thr cottage in Dorset there was a light there we tried all ways to get it going, it was a bronze of a hare and a huge shade on it, we changed the fuse and the bulb but it would not go yet it was on when we came down on the morning of the 9th, I know that was Sam and there was a white feather on the arm of the armchair that I sat in. Your Sam will find a way look very caqrefully for subtle signs that was what Marcus told me. I haven’t seen him for a few years but I do intend to go again.
Love Helen
Hi Helen sam looks a very happy soul .thank you for making me feel better .yesterday jess my daughter was in her kitchen making dinner and talking to sam feeling very sad .she turned round and by his picture was a white feather .she was amazed . And me helen i sit up late with my dog milo the past two nights let him out its 1 in the morning but the robin is singing .thats mad as well . I would like to see a medium . Anything to give us comfort take care helen thank you for sharing thinking of everyone much love zoe xxxx
Just have to say number 9 is my number good and bad Helen xxx
Hi Zoe,
They say that when robin’s appear, loved one’s are near, I am sure that Sam was making the robin sing to let you know.
love
Helen
Hi Helen, such a lovely photo and you must be so proud that Sam had such a great relationship with John 
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Love this thank you
Christine x
Helen, what a great photo. They both look so happy.
Victoria, I love this. It’s absolutely correct. I do understand when people can’t do this.
Love Chris x
So truthfully said iv had family say I didn’t mention as didn’t want to hurt you .ld say it’s nice to know you remember plus how can you hurt someone whom is far past hurting anymore than they already do
Loosing my child has taking the biggest part of me away I must survive now hubby died 12 weeks ago my other son has only me now it was hubby that taught me to laugh again I haven’t now in 12 weeks since he died I try it’s almost like even if I want to I can’t than god for this safe place a club none of us want to be part of but here we are in a club we’d never in millions of years choose to be in all I am saying to all you mums love peace and let the tears flow but also be kind to yourself and try yo give yourself a little time for you love peace and kindness
Hello everyone , we are in Lake Garda at the moment , and we never though we would ever make it with all the paper work But Aimee our Grandsughter was absolutely brilliant she sorted everything out for us Still not talking to Sarah , that is the saddest thing . We have met some lovely people in our group . But I have probably drove them crazy , I have tolld them all what has happened to Dawn , I don’t care as this is the worse time ever . , and I just want Dawn included . She deserves it. It Lake Garda is beautiful and we are so lucky to be here . Just want to wish all of you a peaceful Xmas , and so hope you can all get through it the best you can Sending love to all Maddie xx
Yay! So glad you made it! Well done. I am sure you will have an amazing time. Give Sarah a little time and she will come round
I am sure. So sad that family relationships are tested after we have lost our children. I think we have all suffered from it. Sending lots of love to you and John and don’t forget to send me a photo! 
Sending you love have a peaceful Christmas and enjoy it sending love and hugs
Try not to dwell on Sarah so saddened this has happened to you it sadly dose in family’s iv actually been told by my sister I must enjoy the pain otherwise I’d let it go
On one anniversary people popped in saw our child’s photo placed on table lit candle everyone whom came either just smiled offered to make tea hug me stopped to look at the photo made beautiful comments then last of all eldest sister came sat looked at photo and said is this what you’ve been doing all day sitting looking at that photo unbelievable I won’t go on just want you know your not on your own have a peaceful Christmas big hugs and love
They just don’t understand , How could they , how could we if we had never been made to travel this road .
xx