Hi all , my only son passed away 3 months ago, he was 36 . He started having headaches which gradually got worse. I live in Wales he lived in Amsterdam. He went to the doctor and was told to keep a food diary, but 3 days later the pain was really bad , he was alone in bed and had a seizure and vomited into his lungs which caused his heart to stop. His girlfriend found him but it was too late although they tried to save him in hospital. He died shortly afterwards. They found a large mass in his brain which was extremely fast growing. He was a fit guy , cycled everywhere and played football every weekend . Iām totally devastated and got no interest in anything anymore . How could someone so full of life just starting off his own business be taken from us . Itās been an absolute nightmare getting his body back and because he had not made a will his bank which he had a morgage need proof that we are his parents. It has also been very expensive. The grief we are experiencing is intolerable.,hopefully having some counciling soon.
Dearest Maddie, I know it is so hard for you at the moment but I am sure that Sarah will come round. I think we have all struggled with relationships at some time since we lost our children. It seems so unfair that we have to go through that on top and I donāt understand how people can not understand or be so uncaring. Keep your head up. We are all here for you and Iāll call you. Lots of love 
Thankyou Victoria . I know be img so close to you you ,that you know how I am feeling . My husband used to be so fit , this afternoon we went to visit Dawn in one of her resting places and he almost fell on her . I have till check everything he does now and some days I feel so worn out . Dawn would always be here to help me . . But I know I will have to do do what ever I can to help him . I do know he could be worse for his age and I am thank for that. I just feel bitter that Sarah should be here for her father, x
Oh Maddie
That is something for just a few seconds each morning I think that was a bad dream then realise it wasnāt. We just have to keep going . That photo falling was Dawn, no other explanation
Love
Helen
Hi Maddie,
Victoria is right, keep your head up, stay strong. Yes she should be there for her father but then she sounds like Geraint he can be so selfish. We are all here for you my mum is like it too very very selfish and self centred but there it keeps me busy
Love
Helen
Love
Helen
Hi Bluebird1
So glad that you have found this site and I am so sorry for the loss of your son. We know your pain and we are all here for you.
Sending love and hugs. Deborah 
Thank you for your kindness .
Thankyou VictoriIa and Helen , that is what is so hard Is that you think your children will be here for you in later life . I am ok but John and I have 10 years between us , so that is a blessing. . . With life love Maddie xx
Hello Bluebird,
Iām so sorry you have lost your precious son. Itās so sad to hear of youāre terrible ordeal. Itās just not fair. We feel so angry and cheated for them and ourselves. I lost my daughter to cancer aged 33 more than six years ago and still find it difficult to believe. Itās a long and difficult road. Take things hour by hour. Everyone on here completely understands how you are feeling.
Love Chris xx
Just post whatever you want Bluebird1 we all understand xx
Dear Bluebird1
I lost my daughter in November 2020 she was killed in a car accident. It still feels like it happened yesterday, time has no meaning.
Deborah xx
Bluebird. So glad you found us .
Mumās here have all suffered what you have. We relive those terrible first hours, months and years.
We all feel your pain because we feel it too.
You are never alone here darling girl. We help each other through the fog of grief and help each other to reclaim our lives in honour of our children. Not an easy path to tread but we are all here to help.
Sending love and peace.
Kate xx
Darling, the pain is indescribable. We all know.
We are here any time 24/7.
Kate xxxxx
I am so sorry for your loss Bluebird, losing a child is losing part of yourself and the pain and heartbreak is indescribable. We lost our son very suddenly four years ago, like your son he was fit and healthy (or so we thought) then one day when we were unable to get in touch with him my husband went to his flat and found him dead, he was all on his own .,The inquest was he had died of arrythmia.
Grief is something we have to learn to live with it never goes away but it does get easier. Please keep posting ,we are all on the same journeyā¦Take care Marina xx
Thanks Chris and everyone else who read my post , your kind words mean a lot. Itās like Iām walking through a dark tunnel with no way out . Many of you are grieving although your loss was many years ago and my heart goes out to all of you .
Hello Bluebird,
I am so sorry for the loss of you son, as has been said everyone on this site knows exactly how you are feeling knows the pain, I lost my son who was 34 to a brain tumour that was 5 years ago but it still feels like yesterday. It is early days for you it is still so raw.
Keep posting everyone on here will understand no one judges because we are all here together/
Love
Helen
Hi Helen .thank you for replying . You think just like me. .i feel strange going into new year without my lovely sam .i was peeling potatoes today for lunch and was expecting him down the stairs he always did them for me . I felt him close by today .my daughter jess came with my three grandchildren .bobby who is 8 was sitting in sams room sobbing . How do you explain there uncle sam was there everything .he just kept saying why nanny .my daughter lost a baby in 2017 little elsie he said nan do you think they together .i cant cope so how can he love him. My little evie three she says nanny pull sAm back from heaven .if only it was that simple. I know i ramble love zoe xx
Sam with his sister jess and her children.je had foundout he had cancer in first pic .little bobbys birthday last year he will be 9 on saturday .first birthday without uncle sam x
Hi Anne glad youve come back on .i kept thinking about you . I know your loss is so great so sorry . Hope your eatting . Thinking of you zoe x