Dear Zoe, you must be an amazing mum to go through that with Sam and it must have made such a difference to him to have you by his side. I can’t imagine what it must be like to know that you are going to lose your child. Sending love xxx
1 Like
Thanks Kate and Deborah, your kind words are so true. Today has been a blur but reading your messages always give me a lift. The restrictions are lifting here in the UK but the Dutch government still maintain a 10 day quarantine. We need to go over to Amsterdam to empty and sell Simon’s flat which is proving quite stressful. It’s hard enough coping with your son’s death then all this on top , we are also finding it difficult financially. It seems my life is a mess , I just need all this to end
1 Like
Thank you Helen
My heart breaks for you, I’ve looked at the photo of you and Sam and having that photo taken knowing you were going to lose him must have been unbearable. I had hope right up to the last day that Scott was going to be fine, when I shouted I love you as I headed out his front door I never thought for a second it would be the last time or I would have wrapped my arms round him, held him tightly and told him how raising him and his brother were the most precious days of my life and I was so unbelievably proud of him.
All we can do now is light our candles and honour their memories, it just against nature that we are still here and they are gone.
Love Anne
2 Likes
Dear Pete
My son was with his new girlfriend when he died. She has never told me the full details as she is trying to protect me.
Even with the paramedics there and the girl he loved by his side nothing could be done, don’t torture yourself with what ifs…I’ve gone through them all.
I still go through all these things in my head but it’s better to go through your happy memories in your head, how many young men have a lovely home in Amsterdam? I try to think of everything he achieved, all the countries I took him too, I’m so glad that one day when he was 15 I told him he could take a day off of school that week because I’d booked us a weekend in Berlin, he loved all the history. We also went to Anne Frank’s House in Amsterdam…your son must have loved living there it’s beautiful.
You are in a living nightmare and no life won’t be the same again but I promise it will ease slightly over time.
Love Anne
2 Likes
Hi everyone thank you for all your words .yes victoria it was very hard because of covid sam went to marsden for radiotherapy. I had to battle with them to let me go in the ambulance with him .and when he went to hospicel to manage pain only one could stay with him very hard on family .28 which is now today is the day he was told it was terminal and he could have pallative care .my baby was 24 years old . This worlds not right … …my daughter jess lost a baby in 2017 elsie i went to the grave today .theres somany children there its so sad .i. sorry pete .you have so much to sort i jope it can get sorted without to much trouble .its such early days for you sending hope and prayers …the mad thing i feel your all my friends .more than people ive known for years because your all so kind and caring. This site has been a godsend .i thank you all so much . These days and dates are so hard . Wishing lots of love and hugs zoe xx
3 Likes
Dear Pete,
The agony of the what if’s and the why’s are unbearable and weigh heavily. You will always miss Simon, It is as I say so very early days for you and it is good to cry. Please talk out loud to Simon he will hear you, I have Sam’s urn here with me and I put fresh flowers in a vase each week, usually pink, yellow or orange roses, he loved roses but he absolutely loved bright colours his favourite was pink, I also light a pink candle every night, A couple of weeks before he died I had bought some pink candles in Ikea, and he said that smells nice so that is why they will always be pink. I buy them in bulk from Ikea and store them in the garage. it is what get’s me through and I sit next to his urn and talk to him there tell him my troubles or whats happening, but I also talk to him wherever I go especially in the car. Pete whatever gives you comfort do it.
Love Helen
2 Likes
Oh Zoe,
Like you said he passed in his sleep, and I am sure your mum came and collected him. You have no choice but to do the best you can for Sam he would expect it, My Sam passed away on the 9th December, and I know it was my nan that came for him he absolutely loved little nan as he called her she was only 4’10" tall. When my stepdad died 18 month later to the day 9th June, we were in the hospital by his bed he was in a coma, and I could feel Sam there, yet my stepdad took his arm from under the covers and stretched it out as far as it would go, I turned to John and said Sam’s here. He’ll be there for me when it’s my turn.
Love Helen
1 Like
So very true Anne, as Sam was slipping in to a coma I said love you Sam, he replied very clearly love you too it was the last thing he ever said, and that is the memory I cherish the most.
Love Helen
2 Likes
Hi Helen
Number 9 is a very thought of number in my life to. My mum died on the 9th her mum to . Found out i was having a heart baby on 9th december . It a good and bad number . Its mad eh . . I love the song at the moment brave…ella henderson . And justin bieber ghost…it sounds mad it comes on when im thinking about sam . Hes telling me im here mum .same as the Lloyds advert the black horse running im sad on it comes .i like to believe sam is everywhere . Much love to everyone xx
Happiest in the water, this was in Australia and especially with a beer in hand. Thank god, John and I never talked him out of going travelling.
Love Helen
5 Likes
Lovely picture helen sam very handsome xxx
1 Like
Beautiful boy!x
1 Like
Oh Helen , Sam looks so fit and well . I am pleased he enjoyed himself before he fell ill . Life is just not fair . Sending lo ve Maddie xxxx
Dearest Helen
It’s so very clear how much love there was between you and I’m glad that you had the chance to say it to each other one ast time. it was the last thing Scott and I said too.
What a wonderful photo of him, young and so full of life.
Love Anne
1 Like
Thank you all for your lovely comments, he loved the sea. He was my rock, he bought me a ginger cat for my birthday in April 2013 because I said one time I would love a ginger cat I could call Marmaduke, luckily he is like Sam so laid back and just wants to sit on my lap and cuddle in. He does help me.
Love Helen
2 Likes
For all of us on here
I heard your voice in the wind today and I turned to see your face
The warmth of the wind caressed me as I stood silently in place
I felt your touch in the sun today and it’s warmth filled the sky
I closed my eyes for your embrace and my spirits soared high
I saw your eyes in the window pane as I watched the falling rain
It seemed as each raindrop fell it quietly said your name
I held you close in my heart today it made me feel complete
You may have died but you are not gone
You will always be a part of me
As long as the sun shines, the wind blows the rain falls
You will live on inside of me forever, for that is all my heart knows
4 Likes
Beautiful Helen, Thank you, xxx
Hi Helen lovely words thank you ive gone to my cousins for the weekend in southend . I feel bit funny being away from home . But i hope sam would be pleased ive come xx love to you all .love a ginger cat marmalade loveley name …i have a cockerpoo called milo .he was so naughty he is two but hes given me such comfort in the last few months much love zoe xx
Lovely words, Helen and so comforting. Thank you. Zoe, I hope you have a nice time with your cousin. Sometimes a break from home and a change of scenery is good for us once we feel able to do these things. Sending a big hug to everyone this evening xxx
Hello Helen , how how things with Gerraint ? I still have not seen Sarah since the day after Dawns anniversary, haven’t seen our lovely Jessy our grandchild since her birthday in November . I do try and keep in touch with her which is something. I have text Sarah and she is slowly reacting to my messages . But i feel we will never be the same again . She has changed so much . I so miss Dawn she was my rock , and I never fell out with her . Most days I feel so bitter . And I feel depressed . But I know I have to carry on . John is 83 now and I know I have to be here for him . I don’t want to laugh anymore , and I know because he is so much older than me , I feel so guilty that he should be enjoying life , but I fel so depressed most days , I am feel like I am depriving out of his life . As he has always exspect ed Dawns passing
1 Like