Oh kate life is cruel and so hard your lovely girl lisa sounded like a very strong young lady .she left behind beautiful brooke. Who must keep all your love as a family alive .i know i say it but im so grateful for coming on here and for all your kindness . I read back over your texts your all amazing lots of love zoe:heart:
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Dear All,
I agree about not having counselling as unless they had also lost a child they couldn’t possibly understand how we feel, the only people who can help are other bereaved parents, so I thank God for this site, like you Deborah I don’t always post how I’m doing but I do read all the post’s and it really helps to know how many things we can all relate too having had the same experiences, it helps to know someone will always try and lift you when you are down and remind you tomorrow may be a better day, Deborah I love the signs piece you shared I have screenshot it to save, I know you don’t think it but you will have better days and you will feel joy when you hold your new grandchild, you will never be as you were before but you will have brighter days, Dear Zoe you are such a lovely caring lady my heart breaks for you and I wish I could give you a big hug 🫂 it’s good to offload sometimes even to a stranger so give the counselling a go but they probably won’t get you like we do so don’t worry just keep coming on here to tell all of us how you feel, we will never tire of hearing from you as we are here for you and each other always, sending you all much love
Michelle xxx
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I know Jss. It will be 3 years in July since Lisa passed. So many things I want to speak about to Jemma our eldest daughter but as soon as I say anything she just says ‘Mum, please don’t I can’t do this’. She is hurting so much too. We are all so close we can’t talk about it as we all get so upset.
Here we can talk freely, whatever we are feeling and we can breakdown doing it without fear of upsetting our family.
Take care dear friend.
Lots of love to you.
Kate xxx
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Hi Jss,Never,never,never say you are weak and failing at the grief you are feeling at losing your son…for me, it says what a great Mother you are, your son must have been very proud of you…The grief you are feeling is the love pouring out of you for him so never be ashamed to show it. …with love Marina xxx
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Hello All,
I have just read all your post’s and yes I agree totally with what is being said how can anyone understand the pain of losing part of you. Not one of us on here is weak and failing. We are all very strong to be having to face this day in day out. Our children are proud of us, I know my Sam will be because I have done as he would want me to do, try and get on for him and although this Saturday I will go to Jason (his best friend’s) 40th birthday I know I wont want to. It will be hard but I will smile and no one will know the heartache inside. Everyone of Sam’s friends will be there and will come up and put their arms around me they all miss him too. We are all here for each other who needs a counselling session with someone who doesn’t know what we are feeling, we have counselling sessions here on this forum.
Love Helen
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I feel so sad having to clear my daughters house.All the lovely furniture that she so loved.Her son is moving in with his girlfriend and I am really hoping he will tak
e some furniture.Otherwise I don’t know what to do.It is a local authority house and we have 3 weeks to clear it.We haven’t had a funeral yet to say goodbye. It is heartbreaking.
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Oh Kath, that’s horrible for you. I know there is a shortage of social housing but you would think they would give you more time when you are all grieving.
All we do here on this site is listen and share our feelings and stories. We are like a cyber family, holding each other up and caring for each other.
Someone will always reply and try to give you comfort.
Keep posting.
Much love, Kate xx
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I even offered to pay another month’s rent. But you just get 4 weeks to clear.Wish I hadn’t been honest and not said anything just continued with the rent.
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Dear all
I haven’t posted for a while but like so many here I have been reading your posts. I’m sending love, hugs and hope.
I lost my Dad on the 19th January. He was in care and at 88 it was time for him to get his wings and fly. It wasn’t a life in the care home…more of an existence.
The funeral service was a fitting send off. I couldn’t attend the burial as Dad was buried in the same cemetery as my lovely son…and my nephew and his Mum…they’ve all died within the last 27 months…my uncle also passed…but is resting elsewhere…with his parents as he wished.
I struggle to go to see Henry’s grave. I hate driving up to that part of town but family are living there so I have to…is that normal?? Seeing the his name and death date on his stone makes me feel so desperate…I think it’s easier believing he’s gone somewhere but he’s not actually dead.
Anyway the counselling thing is interesting…I find this site is the only place I can share feelings…and not be judged. People are not advising or supporting from a text book or a course but from the heart…with love and wisdom. So whilst counselling has its place - you won’t be making a friend.
Every one of us has suffered a tragedy that is incomprehensible to anyone else. However we’re not alone. We all have each other.
I planted lots of snowdrops to remember Dad by….other bulbs are coming up, reminding me that life doesn’t stop when they die off, like a miracle they reappear.
Keep being the brave souls you are…the bravest of people.
Purple xx
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Hi Michelle thank you for your lovely words .so kind . …our lifes have all changed forever . .this thing called grief its awful thinking of you all zoe xxx
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So true victoria big hugs xx
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Hi all its 6 30 am and ive not been to sleep yet .my mind is on overtime.reliving sam being so poorly .i want to remember all the good times .but my mind just goes to the last four months when we got told had sarcoma metastases .we are here for the same reason .our hearts have been broken…your all pretty amazing .i feel like screaming smashing up the house but what will that do .this pain hurts so bad just want sam back.why did they need our babys just 25 .its not right x
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Your very brave to purple .helping others so kind big hugs to you love zoe xx
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Hi Zoe, if I wake in the night my mind drifts back too that hospital room and those last horrendous minutes of our beautiful Lisa’s life. I find now that if I get up and get a hot drink the nightmares pass and I can go back to sleep.
We do whatever works for us.
Hope you can get some rest today. I also find watching foreign dramas on tv with subtitles helps keep my mind from drifting back.
Love to you dear girl.
Kate xx
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Dear Zoe…
I’m so sorry the pain is overwhelming you.
We all know how that feels and it’s horrendous. I know I bang on a bit about it, but do try meditation…I use the Headspace app…it’s seems to bring a sense of calm when emotions are out of control.
A gentle walk surrounded by nature definitely soothes the soul. Gardening too is a therapy.
i don’t know what else to say but I’m sending you lots of love.
Purple xx
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Dear Zoe,
It’s awful when you have nights like that, you must try and get some rest today, all the advice given by Kate and Purple is spot on, I watch things on TV that keep my mind busy so no room for anything else, being out doors is the best you also feel close to your loved ones when amongst nature, also get yourself a little book and write things to Sam about some of the happy times you had and tell him how much you miss him, write how angry you are try and put all your thoughts down so they don’t keep spinning around in your head, think about perhaps having a little memorial made to honour Sam’s memory maybe a bench or planting a lovely rose Bush named after him, talk about the happy times with anyone who will listen, you have to find a way to release it all to stop it churning you up inside, we are all with you and we feel your pain and wish we could take it away 
take care Zoe, remember you are not alone
Love Michelle xxxx
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Dear Zoe, I am so sorry that you are struggling. Such good advice from our lovely friends here. It is still early days for you. I was a completely messed up wreck for several months after losing Gemma.
I truly thought I was going mad.
But a kind of calm slowly descended on me and has stayed with me mostly. I am sure you will experience that too.
Try to keep your mind busy and get plenty of rest. I played Solitaire constantly on my phone and it has become such a comfort.
Take care darling girl xxx
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Hello Zoe,
I too never slept last night I watched the clok till 3:45 this morning but must have dropped off after that. At the moment you are staring into that black abyss, that deep hole of grief. It’s not easy to get out once you step over that line but please try the things Purple said they are so on the button. Besides what would Sam think, your Sam was 25 my Sam was 34 both to cancer, it isn’t fair no parent should have to bury their child. Try and remember all the things about him that you loved, the things that made you smile (yes easier said than done) but try don’t let cancer win so that you have negative thoughts, your Sam was a beautiful bright boy who loved you unconditionally who loves you still, he would be heartbroken at the thought of you suffering as you are. Sending you all my love
Helen
Hello Purple,
Lovely heartfelt words, I do hope you are coping and yes every word you’ve said is so true I never bothered with counselling just all the lovely people on here who speak with oceans of wisdom because they walk in our shoes.
love to you
Helen
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