Hello Kath,
I do hope your grandson takes some furniture the local authority can seem very harsh and uncaring. It is heartbreaking that you have to do this whilst you are grieving the loss of your daughter.
Please keep posting we are all here for you.
Love Helen
Hi Zoe I have Replied several times to your posts then deleted them because mine seem so negative . We are close with the dreaded date and I feel the same as you. My doctor said I need distraction, a hobby or voluntary work. ( donât think she gets it )Well maybe in the future but am barely even functioning at the moment and just want to scream like you do. I go for walks but cry the whole time , canât meditate as I have flashbacks when I try . So I am just relying on sleeping and calming me down tablets now, but I will keep trying the things Everyone is saying here , they says it will get better so we just have to believe it will . I hope you sleep better tonight . Sending love jss xxx
I just read a really good post in general chat âThe long roadâ from 4 days ago Jim 10 has put it all so well. Xx
Hello everyone , looking at you post I can see everyone is suffering , I can relate to all of you , I
am 5 years on now and this year for some reason I have felt worse than ever . Every time I look at Dawns photo I just want to cry , she seems so far away . And I know how you are suffering trying to get to sleep . I had to take sleeping tablets for a few weeks after , as all I could see was Dawn talking her last breath , the worse thing ever , Then the first anniversary had to take them again . I have Leary most nights how to shut if off by trying to think of something else , like where can we go next for a break or holiday , that was always Dawns favorite planning a holiday, and we would talk every evening discussing it . My depression hasent helped Sarah still doesnât want to see me after several atemps . Havenât seen our lovely Grandaughter for 3 months . But it is school holidays next week , so keep asking Sarah if we can take Jessy out for a couple of hours . So fingers crossed we will see her Take care everyone Maddie xxxc
Dear Helen
Thanks 
and thank you for your love and support since I arrived hereâŚ
The best thing we can do is support each other and I know I couldnât have survived without this group.
Spring helpsâŚwatching everything renewing- itâs so uplifting.
Big hugs
Purple
So very true. We are all two different people. The one we know and the one the rest of the world know.
We become very clever at acting. We should get the Oscar.
Much love to you all.
Kate xx
I know Maddie, we watched Lisa taking her last breath. Itâs the worst feeling for us Mumâs. We watched take their first breath never thinking in a million years we would watch them take their last. Itâs so terrible, so utterly horrendous, how the hell are any of us meant to shut that out of our minds?
Thank goodness we can say anything at all here.
Much love always, Kate xxx
thanks Chris,
the words are so true. Only someone who is a mother could have written that.
Love Helen
Hello Maddie and Kate,
I too saw Sam drift into a coma and then the next day take his last breath, like you say Kate we brought them into this World never ever expecting to see them out. I remember the doctor that came said to me you are incredibly brave to have kept Sam at home I wasnât it was just instinct I knew Sam hated hospitals, I remember John saying shall we ask if St Peterâs Hospice could come in to help you and I said no because theyâll have a uniform on and I donât want Sam to think anything so I looked after him myself, those last few weeks after the 28th November when the consultant had said he hasnât got long, were the most terrifying of my life I was so frightened but had to keep strong for Sam. John said to the consultant Iâm taking him to Cornwall to see the sea (Sam loved the sea) and the consultant said he may die on you on the way there. He didnât he had a great time we took Geraint and Hannah, their dog Max, my ex husband and his partner, Stanley who was 2 at the time and Jason his best friend. We came home on the Sunday Sam just made it to the chair and I did Christmas dinner on the Monday and he died the following Friday with all of us around him. I still find it hard to believe heâs not here anymore and for me itâs 5 years.
Love Helen
Hello Helen and Kate , yes how can we possibly get the the get the image of our Darling Children taking there last breath , you are so right itâs horrendous . Like you Helen I still cannot believe that Dawn has actually gone . It doesnât seem real . With love Maddie xxx
Hi to everyone thank you for all your kind comments and all your help and kindness. You are all so lovely . Had a really hard week and i dont know what i would do without you i really feel your my friends you know how i feel .the connection is huge.i would be so alone without you all . I had sam at home .he had been to the hospice .but im so glad we brought him home where he wanted to be .and if im honest didnt get much help from macmillian it was me and sam i cared for him like you helen . Its just so wrong .i hope Helen you cope with your party tomorrow sam will be so proud âŚjss dont ever delete you can say anything we in this together .dont ever think you cant ive been on antidepressants for years . I had sleeping tablets .i take other things . If it helps then so be it . I really want to go see a spiritualist. âŚmichelle i want to get sam a bench in the cemetery ive inquired ⌠i hope victoria the calm will come .thank you for your kind wordsâŚpurple i like the garden i hope we all didnt get to much storm damageâŚmaddie i hope in time you will be ok with Sarah again grief causes so much anger. Deborah and any one ive missed im so grateful for your support much love zoe and sorry kate you always reply kind words to everyone thank you 
Sam in the hospice always the joker .and he was so poorly .sam with my daughter jess and my three grandchildren âŚ
Oh Zoe, Itâs heart breaking seeing the last photo of your darling son, you can see the pain and utter torment that he had sufferedâŚalso you his Mother who had to go through that last journey with himâŚWhy why? is life so cruel and unfair to take our children before us.
Love to us all who is sharing this journey Marina xxx
Bless him. What spirit he must of had.
Sending love, Katexxx
Beautiful family. You love each other so much. Your daughter will be grieving so much too. I know Jemma is still.
Lots of love Kate xxx
Dear Zoe, thank you for sharing the photos of your beautiful family. My grandson, Charlie, since his mummy passed away, says âGrandma itâs not fair. Why did my mummy have to die?â and I have no answer for him except âI know darling. It isnât fairâ and just keep on hugging him. It isnât fair that we have to lose our darling children but we have found each other, in a place where we can be honest and open with each other and that means the world to me.
Zoe, the calm will come xxx
I found these words today and live them. I hope you all find them helpful x
âMy son died, but he is not gone! 
Is it hard to live without him? Yes⌠but I donât see it as living without him.
Iâm living with him, just in a different way.
This is an important distinction, it feels different. It is different.
Finding him now, as he is in this new state may sound crazy to those that donât get it, but it changed everything.
I donât live for my son⌠I live WITH him.
My son is still here.
So is your child.â
Such true wordsâŚThere are many times I have felt Christian near to me, itâs such a lovely warm comforting feeling and for just a while it makes me feel so happy again. xxx
