Hi Pete
Its been no time .and youve had to go and clear your sons flat .thats massive for you and your wife to deal with . Pete they say time maKes it easier .i dont think so . So many questions no answers . But least you have that hurdle out the way . When your ready the suitcases can wait… we are in this club of loosing our children i feel no one really understands only the lovely people on here. I was sitting in my car listening to music tears streaming .my neighbour said whats wrong .i said im sad about sam .she said how long is it now i said 10 months .she looked like oh you still crying not got a clue. I hope you rest up a little such early days sending you a big hug zoe xxx
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Dear Bluebird and Zoe, you’re so right, people think we should ‘be over it’ but losing a child us a whole different thing to losing a parent. We will be 3 years in July and still I ache for my daughter.
I was minding Brooke the past few days and we went to see Sing 2. It was such a fun film, I really enjoyed it. Then, driving home I thought about the times we went with Brooke when she was only 3. Lisa, Brooke in between and myself. Of course the tears flowed.
It never really leaves us, this tragedy we have all experienced.
The pain is always there but somehow we manage to get on with our lives. The gaping hole in our hearts will never truly heal.
As long as we all have each other here , we can manage another day.
With live to you all.
Kate xxx
Dear Pete, it is still very early days for you. Well done sorting your son’s flat.
Emptying Gemma’s house was about the hardest thing I ever had to do. I still have a large trunk of her stuff. I remember especially finding her boys treasured baby memories, all carefully and lovingly stored away and some of her childhood books carefully packed. It broke my heart.
If you have other children maybe make a memory box for them? Even as adults I am sure they would appreciate that. I gave some of her jewellery and a coat to Gemma’s best friend, Emma (she asked for the coat) and I know she wears it when she wants to feel close to Gems. Our precious children are so loved.
Oh Peter these ripples of love and loss travel so far. Take care of yourself xxx
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Thank you Zoe, Kate and Victoria for your kindness your words really make me feel better.Today I’ve been feeling down and crying a lot but reading your messages does give me a lift. I’m going to try and get out for a long walk this afternoon . When walking along my mind seems to drift away and seems like I’m in another world, and the pain eases a little. Take care everyone, Pete
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Dear Pete, walking always helps me too. We have dogs so they need walking no matter what the weather.
I often think of Lisa just being at home or preparing for a wedding as she was always busy meeting brides or doing the flowers for weddings. She was a very talented young woman. I wonder if she is beside Jamie or me when we pick Brooke up from school. Watching over her beautiful child.
Enjoy your walk, nature has healing powers.
With love, Kate x
Hi all dear friends. It has struck me recently how we may not fully appreciate how our partners are suffering too.
My Alan doesn’t really open up about his grief. He has a plot at the cemetery and although there is no permanent stone, he lays flowers there every Saturday. I can’t go yet, it hurts too much but I hold Lisa’s ashes every time I go to Jamie and Brookes.
So, we have had a few trees fall and had to fell some more after the recent storms. Now the border between our garden and our neighbours is very exposed. I said to Alan that we should ant cherry trees like we have at the other side of the garden. So he said, yes that’s a good ide but they must be weeping, he wants to only plant weeping trees from now on.
I asked why? He said in memory of Lisa. I was a bit taken aback so I said I don’t think Lisa would like that and it will hurt me to look at them now I know why you want them.
He just said, ‘its the way I feel darling’. He is hurting so much.
His little girl who made him laugh, who would help him with anything and never complain. Jemma, bless her is so like her Dad but she meets him head on. Our children are so different aren’t they.
Love hurts, that’s for sure.
Take care all.
Kate xxx
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Oh kate bless him , yes men are so different , sometimes I get so annoyed at John he doesn’t mention Dawn at all , that’s why I feel so alone , where have I gone wrong Sarah will not talk about her sister either . Dawn always put her father on a pedestal she loved him to bits , so why doesn’t he mention her . I was shocked this morning when he said shall we go and visit Dawn , we only have part of her in with his mum . But I talk to her every night and every morning . Tell her everything , and I am sure she has responded in her own way . So Kate , if the men. come up with something it is a comfort , but they are deffinatly not like us , that’s for sure , when I here him sort of singing , I think how can he be so cheerful , I wish I could be like that , but I find listen to music really hard as all I want do do is cry . The thing is I feel so guilty as I want to be happy , , he is 83 now and I should be doing that , as if anything happened to him I think I would go to peice Sending love to all Maddie xx
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Yes Maddie, he is dealing with his grief differently. Funnily enough i went for a coffee in the Deli and my friend Ann who lost her husband tragically in a light aircraft accident, said to me she feels Alan isn’t coping like me. She is very spiritual and picks up on my feelings often.
It’s so hard for us all Maddie, how it must hurt if you can’t speak about it, I just don’t know.
Love to you, Kate xxx
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I think a man feels he has to be strong and guide his family through life, keeping them safe as best has he can, and I respect them for that…but when I saw John my husband break down
in a torrent of tears when Christian died and also at his funeral I respected him more then ever… It must be so difficult for men in these circumstances in trying to hold back their emotions to help and protect their family…Marina xxx
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Oh Bless him Marina , I am so pleased when they do show their emotions , yes you are right I think they need to be strong for us . John broke down 4?years ago. We were washing up and he said Dawn should be here for us , . But that was it. . I want to cry all the time . So why is the difference with us ? is it because we gave birth to them . I don’t know , but I know men can move on so much quicker . We found that out with Dawns husband , that’s why could not talk to him 4 months after she passed . X. X
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Oh Maddie…Your husband sounds such a lovely and caring person unlike Dawns husband who is best forgotten…I think it’s more difficult for a Mother losing their child, for in earlier years we spend much more time with them …from the very beginning you teach them how to walk,talk,read, teach them manners ,they become a mini you…that’s why when the time comes for them to go to school it’s so difficult to let them go…and that’s the grief we are feeling now .They are our children and they still should be with us…
Take care …with love Marina xxx
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Yes Marin you are so right . I get very emotional watching one of my favorite programs Call the midwife . Oh I so wish I could turn back the clock and do it all again . Dawn was a beautiful baby , . , and I just want dress her in her beautiful little dresses my Mum bought for her when she was born I can remember everyone . Oh am I being a sad mother wanting all this again . ? Xx
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No Maddie…Your definitely not a sad Mother, I think everyone on this site would like to go back and start it all over again, I know I would…They were blissful days…everything seemed so perfect,unfortunately we took it all for granted. and that makes me feel so very sad…with love Marina xxx
Dear all, I mentioned in my previous post that my friend Ann lost her husband in a small aircraft accident. It was 3rd May 2015. Jemmas birthday and Ann’s eldest Matts birthday. It was horrendous I saw it on the news and I was horrified but had no idea it was John.
Anyway, Ann was saying today that her wee granddaughter Eadie, born 2016 came out with an absolute conversation stopper. She said quote ’ when I was a baby, Grandpa John used to stand at the end of my cot and sing to me’.
It’s just amazing to think that our lost loved ones are around us all the time. I do know that Brooke feels it as if she can’t find something she says ‘it’s OK, Mummy will find it and put it out for me’. Don you know what? She does.
Much love.
Kate xx
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They do say that children can have physic energies…whether it stays them as they grow older I’m not sure …but what a wonderful gift to have…xxx
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My grandson, Charlie, saw a man in my house when he was little. He described him, including his clothes (said he was wearing a pink shirt) and described my dad exactly and he almost always wore pink shirts or pink polo shirts. But my dad had passed away a year before he was born x
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Thankyou Marina , I am so pleased you understand how I am feeling and I am not going mad . Kate it is so strange how young children seem to see relatives that have passed . When my sister in law , lost her husband on a cruise , a week later her grandauter came round and she was in the kitchen , and her little boy came running out and said there is a man sitting on the settee , the same settee Mary’s husband used to sit , But I know my dear mum and Johns mum have all seen lost relatives. Oh I so wish Dawn would appear xx
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What a comfort that must have been knowing your Dad was still around you…and also makes you believe in an after world xxx
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Dear friends, following on from yesterday my friend Ann said that Lisa doesn’t like me being sad, she said she is standing amongst purple flowers and telling me to remember pushing her on the swing! The swing is long gone btw but somehow Ann seems to know things nobody else does. She is very spiritual like her granddaughter.
Love to all, Kate xx
Dear Kate…It’s words like these that bring us so much comfort and help us to believe there is a life hereafter …Hopefully in another life we will be with our children again, Marina xxx
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