Hi , I am so Shore when we did the ouija board 4 years ago , it was like a phone line to Heaven . Dawn said she could hear us when she was in her coma . . Theatre she didn’t want to be scattered at sea , she was happy to close to us in the garden , and so much more . The most funny thing , she told us to get a life . Everyone I talk to even friends , it makes me so so mad po po it . But I know it was the real thing , and like you Deborah , we know it’s our beautiful Daughters talking Sending love Maddie xxx
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Hi Maddie
As long as we know that we will see our precious children again, that’s all that matters. We know that it is real, we have proof that they are still with us, we may not be able to see them, but they can see us. Keep strong, looking forward to seeing you in June.
Sending love and hugs, Deborah xx
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Hi all i really hope they can hear us .and are around. sams birthday next saturday the 12th he will be 26 .first birthday without him. It unbearable sending big hugs to all much love zoe xx
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Hi Zoe I feel for you, I will be thinking about you all week. I had a melt down after my boys birthday . It is truly unbearable , I am already feeling panicky about May , a whole year without him. I really can’t bear it. I have an appointment for counselling this month but not feeling very optimistic about it, what can they do? There are no solutions to this nightmare. Hugs jss xx
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The birthdays are awful. Lisa had her 31st in hospital just 15 days before she passed. Hurts so much.
Love to you. Will be thinking of you.
Kate xx
Hi Jss
I always think of you too .i know we lost our sons a month apart . Cant believe this time last year sam was ill but we celerbrated his 25th birthday .we all tried to hard coz we new it was his last birthday .we didnt even cut the cake . Sam lasted another month died on my mums birthday 27 th april … mums been gone 4 years on wednesday. Did she come for sam . Its all so sad …jss ive had some councilling coming on here is better . Your understood sorry for rambling i have my little grandaughter in bed with me shes 3 i still cant sleep my mind on overdrive . Just need to hug sam its not fair why did they take our children theres no answers xx just heartbroken xxx
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Thank you kate some times im just lost for words .our beautiful children with there life a head of them so cruelly taken xxxxx
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Hi Jss
I had 2 months of counselling with Cruse and found it to be no help at all. Don’t get me wrong the counsellor was lovely but he kept saying I can only imagine how you are feeling. Well he couldn’t could he as only if you have experienced the devastating loss of your child can you imagine how it feels. I cried through every session and got nowhere. Maybe it was too soon after it happened I don’t know. I found it quite traumatic talking about my daughter and what happened and how I was feeling. Saying that I hope that you have a different experience and it will help you in some way. Please let us know how you get on.
Much love Deborah xx
Hello Zoe Will be thinking of you , the lead up to the birthdays are so so painful . And Sam was too young to leave you . We have been through 4 now and it doesn’t get any easier. . . I have been weepy again this weekend . I try and carry on the best I can . But we were sat having a coffee at home yesterday looking at Dawns pot in the garden and said I still cannot believe she has gone , she was so strong . I know I have put this on here before ,. It’s so hard to contemplate I will not see her beautiful smiling face again. Love Maddie xxx
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Hi Deborah thanks for your reply. I read a book by David Kessler the grief specialist who’s life work is in hospices and humanitarian issues, he knew so much about grief and the grieving having lost many close family members growing up. He had written lots of books about grief and had spent many hours in hospitals crying with parents who had lost their children , thinking he understood. That was until his own son suddenly died ,then he said he wanted to write to each of those parents to apologies , he really had no concept of that depth of despair. I can’t remember the exact words but what he was trying to say I think was what we have all found out here that loosing a child is much worse than our minds are capable of imagining or understanding. That’s why I say to people when they say to me “ I can’t imagine what it like” I say no you can’t , it’s so much worse . I am afraid I have not managed to perfect the “I am doing ok front” even after 10 months. So I will be crying all through my counselling to, but I have nothing left to try I don’t really want to go down the drugs route but may have to. Jss xx
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I didn’t find counselling helpful at all , she was lovely , but because I had been on holiday and was looking suntan and health , she thought I was over it . The thing was I tried to stay upbeat when I was talking to her , as I thought I would be so depressing , but inside my heart was dying even going to Fawns favorite place Florida , we scattered some of her ashes in Disney world . . So she gave up on me . So I didn’t feel any better . Tell you the truth , there isn’t anyone out there to help us , only us mothers know what it’s like , and we all understand one another . We are all going to have good days and bad . Sending love to all xxxcc
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Hi everyone, my wife and I came back from Amsterdam last week where my son aged 36 passed away 4 months ago. We brought back 3 suitcases of his belongings. We’ve given quite a lot to various charities, and kept some personal memories of him in a large box and taken up the attic. I never thought I’d be doing this and we have shed many tears. It’s truly heartbreaking . I have had some counciling but not face to face it had to be done over the phone. The lady was pleasant but what can you say to someone who is grieving at the loss of his only son. My days all seem to blend into one and I’ve got no structure in my life. I think I’ve had a few good days but then something happens and I’m back down at rock bottom, i just pray it will get easier in time, take care everyone, Pete
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Pete, my heart breaks for you. Our son in law dealt with Lisa’s things when he felt ready. I think only when he bought the new house, did he eventually take her clothes away. For over a year her make up was laid out in the bathroom, her robe and slippers too.
He is one brave young man and a wonderful Daddy.
All I can say is, we all get better had being normal over time but we all carry that eternal sadness within us. We look happy and normal outwardly but we never really feel completely normal ever again.
Sending love,
Kate xx
Deborah,
that’s lovely take care.
Love Helen
I was just saying to Jemma who has been able to extend her weekend visit till tomorrow, that in the very early days of my grieving someone said to me ‘but don’t forget you have another daughter’. I honestly could have punched them! I said, I am well aware I have another daughter and I love her so much and she is suffering deeply with the loss of her sister. I just was so angry, I turned and walked away.
People have no idea what we feel or how we deal with it.
Only here do we find solace and a vent for our darkest moments.
Love to all.
Kate xx
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Dear Pete, I decided not to have counselling as I felt it couldn’t help and did not want to talk about what happened and I trained as a counsellor. But many people would find it helpful.
I have been so struck by the power of the bond between bereaved parents. We understand the agony of losing our precious children and having to live every day without them. We seem to instinctively understand each other and I believe it is no coincidence that we have found each other here and I am so glad that we have. Sending big hugs to you both xxx
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Thank you Kate and Victoria, your caring words make such a difference to me when I read them . Only we know what we are going through, and it seems we’ve all been to hell and back. When can you start living again after loosing a child? Personally I can’t see me being really happy again because my son is on my mind from the second I wake up in the morning until the time I fall asleep
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Since I lost Gemma I now live my life with an undercurrent of sadness and think I always will. But that does not mean that I can’t experience times when I do feel happier now, even though there are still days when I can’t find an ounce of happiness.
Kate, a friend said to me a few weeks ago ‘I know you went through a hard time losing Gemma but at least you have other children’. Like you I felt so angry and upset but the best thing to do is to walk away from people like that. xxx
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Thank you maddie for your kind words i cant imagine it does get any easier. The longing must be worse as time goes by. The pain is awful thank you for your kindness love zoe 
Peter, i feel the same sam is with me every second day and night .im waiting for him to come back .i know his not just that awful ache in your heart . .maybe we just learn to live with the ache big hugs zoe x