Hi victoria and all friends .yes im having councilling and if im honest i would rather come on here .i know we have all lost our children at different stages but your all so kind and pretty amazing .im so very grateful to you all .i cant tell you how much you all help in your different ways . I thank you all for giving me the strengh to get up in the mornings big hugs to all .much love zoe
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Hello everyone, itās been a while since I posted on here but been keeping up with the chats. Its my sons birthday on 19th March and it will be nearly 6 months without him.
I understand the first thought is your child and the last thought is your child.
Been counselling and has not helped at all. She is lovely lady but as you have said, unless they been through the loss, no one understands the pain.
I promised my son a holiday while he was in hospital so we will be going abroad for his birthday.
I too talk to him all day, think I must get in his nerves 
ā¦lol.
Iām sure he is around us. My nephew who my son never met is just over a year old and every time he was sitting at the dining table being fed, which is near the memorial I have for my son, he was waving and jabberings away at the photo. I have 3 battery operated candles and 1 live candle and my brother said the madame was going crazy.
Yep, I believe my son visits.
Itās keeps me from having a mental breakdown 
Take care everyone and stay strong and celebrate the birthday because our children will want their birthday remembered.
Got my son a personalised banner and balloons.
Thinking of you all.
Dev x
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Hello Dally,
It is so hard but your son will be proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other. When you travel abroad your son will be with you, I remember when I went to Bordeaux about 6 or 8 months after Sam had passed we walked into the hotel room and there directly in front of me on the floor was a penny, so I knew Sam was there they will use coins as well as feathers and electricity. Keep talking to him I talk every day to Sam and like you I am sure I get on his nerves too. The people on here are lovely and have walked in your shoes, and know exactly what you are going through.
Take care Dally,
Love Helen
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Hello Peter,
The days will be like that, they say grief is like the waves, sometimes lapping at your feet and sometimes crashing over your head. but you will never āget over itā as some people seem to say which is ridiculous. It does get easier over time because you learn to cope. I like Victoria knew that counselling would do me no good, so I found this site and after Sam passed in the December I joined zumba in the january and just kept working out to be honest it made me for 45 minutes of that day concentrate but even then tears were falling, another lady in the class noticed my tears and came over during the break and said she lost her daughter from an asthma attack, aged 9 several years previous and just knew why I was there.
Take care Peter
Love Helen
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Hi , i lost my mum four years today. I really hope sam is with her . I feel so lost right now .sams birthday on saturday its just so sad .zoe
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Hi everyone,
I found this video this morning and think it is pretty accurate so thought I would share it with you all. Much love xxx
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Thatās so true. Excellent way to describe it.xx
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Oh Zoe,
I know how hard it really is, your Sam will be with her of that you can be sure. I lost my stepdad 18 months to the day after my Sam. Sam 9th December 2016 Roy 9th June 2018. Roy had vascular dementia. I know that they are together. My sister in law lost her boy Ben when he was 30 in March 2015, he was playing football and it was torrential rain and he was tackled and slid along the mud to the clubhouse wall where he banged his head stood up and then collapsed, three days later he died in hospital. When I saw Marcus the medium he said Sam has met Ben whoās over there. How would he know about Ben?
I know that when Roy died in hospital we stayed with him all through the night and I looked at John and said Samās here. On the Monday when Roy was taken into hospital I heard Sam say to me itās OK mum Iāll look after gramps now (which was what he called him) it was so loud I turned round expecting to see Sam. That is how I am sure your mum will be with Sam. Saturday will be a very tough day for you, but remember Sam is watching and he will expect you to talk to him, you will feel him all around you.
Take care Zoe,
Love Helen
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Hi Victoria,
That is so true, there is nothing that grief doesnāt touch, hope you are OK
Love Helen
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Thank you Helen. I am coping quite well but just emerging from a bad patch ā¦ February is hard for us. How are you? xx
Victoria, this is so simple but very accurate. We all continue to grasp at anything which helps us to process our pain.
Thank you for posting it.
Love Chris xx
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Dear Helen
You have been through it as a family
All so sad . I will talk to sam on saturday we are having a get together at jesses ive ordered balloons and cake .cant believe how time passes .sams last birthday seems like yesterday .thank you helen for all your support much love zoe 
Sams birthday last year. Bless his heart .one month later and he was gone .our beautiful superhero xx
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Bless you Zoe, you have have been through such a terrible time. Your lovely Sam could not have had a better, more loving mum by his side. Lots of love to you xxx
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Hi Zoe
Sam was so lucky to have you as his mum, so loving and caring. Bless him, so very sad. Thinking of you and your family.
Much love Deborah xx
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My heart breaks for you. Its so hard. Looking back he was a much loved son, brother, uncle and friend. Its obvious how much he was and is still loved by you all.
Thinking of you and sending love and strength.
Kate xxx
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Oh Zoe, my heart breaks for you , looking at the photos of you and your beautiful loving family. And I know they will be by your side to help you get through Sams birthday ā¦Sending love and hugs maddie xxxxx , ,
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What a lovely caring family you have you must be so very proud of them.your Sam will never leave you he will be by yourr side alwaysā¦Thinking of you on Saturday Marina xxx
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Especially for Zoe, Peter and all those who have recently lost their beloved children:
To the newly grieving,
Iām not going to sugarcoat it . . . this is going to be hard. Iām not going to tell you to be strong. Iām not going to say you will get over this.
But I will promise you wonāt feel the way you are feeling right now forever. Grief evolves and life will eventually adjust around it. Today itās all you can focus on because it is so new and devastating. I know how hard this is. But there is hope.
There will be hard days. Days you will cry in the shower and on your way to work. Days you want to scream in the car. (Do it!) Itās actually cathartic.
There will be days a memory will make you smile. You may not think so but it will.
In time.
Today is not the time to be brave. Or strong. You will need to put all your energy into surviving this loss. It will feel like suffering because your life as you know it has just uprooted. It takes time to pick up the pieces. And energy you donāt have right now. It will be exhausting. There will be days you feel like you are going backwards. Itās all part of this messy process. Just do the next thing.
Donāt let anyone rush you.
Itās on your time only.
Try to eliminate the I shoulds/could/woulds from your thoughts right now. Now is not the time to add guilt to your broken heart. You only had the information you had at that time. Nobody knows what will happen in the future.
You will need to talk to yourself like you are talking to a best friend going through the same thing. No judgment. Only compassion. Self care is key to healing so be kind to yourself. Try not to compare your grief to others because your loss is unique to your own relationship. Only you know how this feels.
Take all the time you need.
Shared with permission from The After Glow
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