Dear Purple what a lovely photo of you and Henry . Like Victoria I am so glad you have peace of mind , But I am sure like you said all the birthdays , anniversary etc make us feel so sad . It’s 5 years now since Dawn left us and I still cannot comes to terms with the loud loss . It makes it worse as I am not aloud to talk to my own family about her . As I get upset. and it causes a row , so I feel I am grieving on my own ,. But atleast have this site . Take care hope it’s not too long untill we hear from again Maddie xx
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Hi Deborah
I’ve not been on here much but I’m so so sorry you are struggling. Like you I still can’t believe it and I struggle to accept it every day.
I’m on so many anti depressants that tears don’t come as often but Scott is always there in my mind and memories and thoughts go round and round constantly. It was his 27th birthday recently and I just felt miserable.
I sympathise so much with how you are feeling, you’re not alone.
Anne x
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Hi Anne
It’s lovely to hear from you. It doesn’t get any easier does it. I was given anti depressants last year but I haven’t taken them. I saw my GP a little while ago for something else and he didn’t even mention it, shows how much they really care. Maybe I should take them as I am crying every day, it is so exhausting. I hate all the birthdays and anniversaries, they are so painful. I do hope that you have lots of support around you. I think of you often and wonder how you are getting on, please don’t hesitate to contact me and I can give you my number. Myself and everyone on this site are here for you.
Sending love and hugs Deborah 
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Just feel so very sad cant lift .im never going to see sam again i so want to hold him .it hurts so so much. Im reliving this time last year . Its just to much xx
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Hello Zoe,
Just read about the book, that was Sam’s way of communicating so that you would know it was him, that is what they do. Treasure it, it was definitely a sign.
Glad you got through Sam’s birthday
All my love Helen
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Hello Purple,
So glad you are coping, I too like you cope have my moments but then we all do. As Victoria mentioned our lives adapt to encompass the grief. It will never leave us but we learn to adjust and we learn to know that this is the new normal.
As you say we are all here for each other to listen, and give hope.
All my love Helen
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Hi Helen it is mad but how would the book get there .its crazy. I really hope it is a sign . X love zoe x
Dear Maddie
Thanks for kindness. It’s a real shame you can’t talk about Dawn with your family but as you say we can share feelings here.
I’d rather share how I feel with you all. I’m so sure Henry is around me…that used to break me but now it’s really uplifting.
My Dad died on the 19th January….it was his time…I wonder if he’s helping too as something has changed…
Anyway- keep being the brave lady you are.
Big hugs
Purple x
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Thankyou purple , sorry to hear about your Dad . I am so pleased you feel Henry around you , that’s all we want is to know they are near and happy with their new life . . I am sure I have sensed Dawn around , I have been told that they can see and hear us and they know exactly what we are doing . That’s such a lovely thought . So they must know how much we love and miss them. I am going on an Angel Board in Jjune travelling to Eastbourne from Hampshire to meet up with Deborah , who has made contact with her lovely Daughter . I am pretty sure we should get a good reading Take care , with love Maddie
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Hello everyone, we had a zoom meeting today with the doctor that treated my son in hospital in Paris. My son Simon 36 started getting headaches which gradually got worse. One morning they were really bad and he stayed in bed all day later on that day he developed a seizure, his lungs filled up and he chocked. So today the doctor told us that a brain tumour called a Glioma was responsible for my son’s death . This type of tumour can lay undetected for at least 18 months before growing and going deeper into the brain. He said if my son hadn’t chocked to death he probably would only have lived for another 2 or 3 months , and that’s with surgery and cheomotheropy, so at least he died realativly pain free . It has left us and his many friends devastated, and like everyone on here we have good days and bad days. Hopefully the pain will ease in time . Love to you all , Pete
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Dear Pete
That’s a huge thing to understand what happened to Simon. I hope it helps.
When my son Henry died and I was waiting for the coroner to report it felt like an eternity. When it came to it I realised Henry was so nearly saved by the paramedics. That made me angry. It was like he’d slipped through my fingers.
I’ve found some peace now, 30 months after the event. You will also get to a place that’s a bit more comfortable. It is a difficult journey and I don’t think it stops for any of us.
We’re all in it together- sadly.
Big hugs to you and your family
Purple
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Dear Pete, I too hope that the zoom call was helpful. So hard to face but at least you know the situation and that Simon was spared months of difficult treatment.
Like Purple, I have come to a place of peace for most of the time and I think this happens organically. It feels to me as though we have to allow that to happen and not fight it. But it is still early days for you … it is 4 years since I lost Gemma.
Simon was loved by you, his mum, family and friends and that is a lovely thing which will continue. Much love to you xx
Hi Victoria,
I’m OK but get my moments, I can understand about February being hard, it’s October for me when Sam will have turned 40, and then December when it will be 6 years since I lost him yet it feels like only yesterday, and I remember all the things he used to say and do.
Love Helen
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Hi Victoria , purple and all my friends on here, your kind words make feel a lot better. I’ve been crying a lot this morning as I’m out in the garden it’s a beautiful day with not as cloud in the sky. I should be here with my son but he’s is in an urn upstairs in his bedroom. Life is so cruel. I know we’ve all got to carry on and make the most of days like these. Wishing everyone on here all the happiness, Pete
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Dear Pete,
This moved me to tears this morning 
I was like you…
I’ve buried Henry’s ashes - took a while to know it was the right thing for me to do. But he’s not there…not in a box in the ground. He’s with me…every day…he’s flying high, waiting for me to join him.
I’m in no rush…the clock keeps ticking and I’m always getting closer to the day that my new life starts.
We are but here for the blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things.
Keep posting. Sending love to you and your family.
Purple x
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Dear Pete, our beautiful Lisa’s urn sits on the work surface in Jamie’s kitchen and now joined by their precious dog Jeeves ashes whom we looked after since Lisa took ill. They will be released together when Jamie feels the time is right. That might never come but I always hug Lisa’s ashes when I am there. I just find it comforting.
Take care dear Pete
Lots of love Kate x
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Dear Pete, Kate, Purple and all friends,
I think the ashes question is difficult and so different for us all. I can’t even believe at times that all I have is Gemma’s ashes.
Gemma’s little boy has already said ‘we don’t have a special place for mummy do we like some people have’. It breaks my heart and we need to organise that for him, a special place where we can take him and he can leave flowers or little tributes.
But it is hard for me. As Gemma took her own life, no matter how hard I tried, I failed to keep her safe and I am not ready to let go of her yet. I feel that she is safes where she is, tucked away in my bedroom xxx
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To all my Dear friends old and new 
I haven’t posted on here for a while but I have been reading and following everyone’s posts, I have been struggling myself and have only been able to click the little heart to let you know I’m here and felt bad sometimes for not posting when someone is low but there is always someone who posts something and helps lift whoever is feeling low and I am so proud to be part of this lovely group of wonderful souls who are so wounded but still reach out and help each other 
aa some of you know Matt is buried and I take comfort in visiting his resting place most days and it really helps I sit and chat with him and tend to his grave as that’s all I have left to do 
sometimes I wish Matt had been cremated aa it would be nice to have him at home close to us all the time so I totally understand what you are saying Victoria we are having a bench made which is going to be placed at Matt’s primary school and it will have a plaque with photos of him in school uniform and also Army uniform , perhaps if you have something like this done for Gemma you Grandson would feel it would be somewhere to visit and place flowers, the other advantage to having their ashes is that if you moved you can take them with you, we feel we could never move as couldn’t possibly leave Matt even though we would have perhaps liked to settle somewhere else.
Sending all of you my love and am thinking and praying for you always love Michelle xxxx
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Dear Michelle, thank you so much for reaching out to me. You have been amazingly strong and especially for your husband and the girls.
Matt’s grave looks so beautiful and am sure it gives you all comfort.
I love the idea of a bench and that would be lovely for the boys so I will definitely look into that and maybe have one erected in the small town where we live. Gemma loved it and described it as ‘her town’.
I will message you as it would be lovely to meet up again 
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My new granddaughter Aubree Kathlyn Grace born by emergency c section on 19/3. It was very stressful seeing my daughter in so much pain and even more so when there were difficulties and she was taken to theatre. Luckily she had an epidural fitted just before they made the decision so her partner could go in with her leaving me in her room worrying myself sick! When you have been traumatised by the loss of a child every situation feels so much worse than maybe it would have done before.
Sending love to everyone and I hope that you have a peaceful day.
Deborah xx
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