Thank you Helen. I’ve often thought if you took the grief out of the situation. People’s behavior is very strange. But we are that rapped up in grief . We don’t see it straight away. It’s only when you have time to stop and think hmmmm!!! Haven’t heard from suchabody for a while . As I’ve heard off generations before me. " There’s nowt as strange as folk ". 
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Hi everyone that is suffering so much , the new ones on this site my heart breaks for you I am feeling so weepy again at the moment as my friend lost her son a few weeks ago . And my cousin Mary rang this morning and she is still waiting to get her husbands body back from the hospital . And when she rang this morning listening to her I felt I wanted to scream . It was bringing so many bad memories back of Dawn . After I put the phone down I couldn’t stop crying . I sat and went through all the awful last days of losing Dawn , how she spent the last few days of her life in the undertakers over Xmas. And they advised me to not bring her home over Xmas . How can you ever get over something like that. With love Maddie xxx
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Dear Jim, you sound like a good Northern lad.
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Jim, you are so right. I remember someone on the edge of our village friendships coming up to me months later and saying ’ oh, so sorry to say that I couldn’t get in touch as I didn’t know what to say’ ! I honestly could have decked her.
Just a hug and a so sorry for you having this happen to you.
It sucks.
Life for us has made us very aware of who really cares!
Much love Jim.
Kate xx
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I have completely given up trying to second guess people. I just take comfort from coming on this site as I know everyone is in the same boat and understands
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Or as one of my friends wives said to me. Rite you’ve had the inquest. Get on with it. If only life was that simple eh !!!
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Exactly. Unless they walk in our shoes Jim they haven’t a clue what thus is like.
Kate xx
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A ‘friend’ said to me a few weeks ago ‘I know it was hard losing Gemma but at least you still have two other children’?! Honestly there are no words. xxx
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The problem is VictoriaP. Those things that people say wether they were thinking or not. Stay with you 
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Hi all i think it shocks us all how people react or avoid you . I was in my front garden my neighbour said whats up with you . I said take no notice im thinking about sam .she said oh it nearly a year ago .i just walked away wanted to punch her …cant lift my self .just keep thinking how poorly sam was this time last year .four months he was gone such a shock still is …my daughter jess is caving a 30th birthday party saturday so have to get myself together thank you wishing you all a peaceful day love zoe xx
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Thank
you victoria .you always have nice things to say. I try pictue how old everyone is and where they live what they look like mad thing to say but i do take care have a lovely day xx
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Dear Zoe
Sadly, however unkind it is, the only word to describe some people is ‘stupid’. You can’t understand their lack of imagination - don’t they even begin to think how they might feel?
Less than a year, and what this time last year was for you.
This time last year we’d just had my daughter’s birthday, with no inkling of what the year would bring us.
I suppose we should almost feel sorry for people who are so lacking empathy.
Take comfort where you can in your lovely Jess and your precious grandchildren.
Much love, Ann xx
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It’s so strange , it’s only my friend Angie that had just her son , but she has always said to me . It’s worse losing a sibling than a husband . I disagree I told her you think when you lost Brian you lost you husband and your life . I don’ know it’s so hard . I am trying to comfort my cousin Mary , she lost her husband 2 weeks ago met her for coffee this morning , she is being brave but has her bad moments , where she wanted to weep . But what I was amazed when Iwe used to see her and mention Dawn . The supject moved on really quick . But now she was so interested how we coped . So we now realise , when they lose someone they understand what it’s like . Let’s face it we don’t wish it on anyone . We have been through Hell . With love Maddie xx
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Hi Zoe Jim Kate Maddie and all of us on here.
Jim you had it right when you said nowt as queer as folk…so so true, most people do not realise what it is like to lose anyone let alone a son or daughter. The one thing that I will always think is that losing a child is not the right order.
I feel so for the poor people in Ukraine, who are losing their children just because of some f****** despot who lives in the past and I think we all know what that t*** is!!
love Helen
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Yes Helen , what they are going through , well cannot begin to amagin. Makes you wonder if there is a God . Which we have all wanted , to be be our beautiful children again x xx
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Dear Zoe and all friends here. What struck me was that people I knew , but were not my close friends, would see me in town and rush across the street or the supermarket to hug me with tears running down their cheeks. Then the ones I expected to be sitting with us at home, holding us and sipping tea or whatever, never came near.
I remember being very touched by a couple of friends husbands coming to our door and weeping too.
Strange isn’t it.
Well at least we all have time for each other here.
Take care dear Zoe.
Lots of love Kate x
When my son died over 400 people came to his funeral. All his friends and work colleagues. Some of his teacher’s. All of my friends. Dating back to school days. People I’d been friends with for 30 and 40 years. By the time of the inquest, every last one of them disappeared. I wasn’t a nuisance or banged on about my son at every opportunity. I was just heartbroken. I virtually don’t speak to anyone from before my son died. Not my choice!!! My wife and myself couldn’t understand it in the beginning. Infact took me till about year 3 to finally come to terms that as well as loosing my son I lost all my friends. People I’ve been on holiday with. Attended weddings. Watched there children grow up. I’ve had really cutting remarks made to me by people not thinking before they speak. I’ve had people cross the road to avoid me. I had one person in HR at work tell me in writing I don’t qualify for time off as I haven’t applied for it. That was before he was even cold. I’ve had countless rows with dickheads on the telephone when I was trying to sort out all his affairs. Mortgage.car ECT.
For a long long time. I thought it was me. But you know what, since I’ve come on here and read countless stories of people experiencing the same. I genuinely think people don’t realize what they are saying to you. Or by avoiding you they are saving themselves the embarrassment of having to look you in the eye. I remember going to work one day and it was the first anniversary of his death and a woman at work said. What’s up with your face. I said. It’s not a good day today. It’s the first anniversary. Her answer to that still sits with me. " Oh bloody hell,are you still letting that!!! Get to you.".
Luckily myself and my wife reinvented ourselves. I’ve shed myself of all those people who were in my life before and we have made new friends. Ok. Thanks for listening
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What is the matter with people?
It’s the same in a small way with condolence cards. The first one I had from one particular group of friends was from the person I am least friendly with, but two I’ve known for decades never got in touch at all. One I was quite hurt by, as I know she was the first to know and gave the news to the others, and she had known Katherine well, in fact Katherine had done her a particular good turn some years ago. But there you go.
You all understand.
Love to you all, Ann x
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Hi Jim, unfortunately and sadly this seem to be common amongst people reactions to those of us that have lost a child or a loved one. We lost our youngest son Christian four years ago and about a couple of years later someone said to me… Cheer up you don’t know how lucky you are. I will never forget or forgive that person ever…Marina xxx
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Marina. Bloody hell. What a thing to say.
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