Dear JSS, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. It is a long, hard journey for us all. For me the first year was the worst. I think I kept looking back all the time and the bad memories kept flooding back all the time.
Remember the baby steps and just think about one day at a time. I was wondering … do you write things down? I do that and find it helps. Find a notebook, write down what ever comes into your head. No one else will read it and I think it gets it out of your system somehow.
We will all of us, always have bad days but they get further apart and you will begin to find that you have more peaceful, happier days. Sending you huge hugs xxx
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So sorry for all that you are going through. I have found that listening to audiobooks helps. I find that they give me something to focus on that is calming and often at night they help me get to sleep. You can get them online free or there’s loads in YouTube. It’s maybe worth a try. Nothing takes the pain away but you may find they help if only a bit. Sending you all best wishes xx
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Hello ladies, 2 good ideas.
My local library has a free online audio book service called Borrowbox.
I also write. When I’m in a state words just pour out, I almost don’t know what I’m writing, (horrible idea but it’s been called verbal diarrhoea!), I can write pages, but then feel calmer and usually throw it all away.
But I also write down nice things I want to keep, memories and thoughts about my Katherine that make me sad - why wouldn’t I be sad? - but also honour the love we share.
J, have you other family, is there anyone or anything that gives you a reason to carry on? Is there anything your son was interested in that you could also take an interest in, in his honour? Don’t want to sound preachy, just hope you can find something that helps and gives meaning until you meet again.
With love, Ann x
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My dear JSS,
Victoria is right it is such a long hard road, and I am sorry you are not coping, my Sam will be 40 this year, oh God how I am dreading his birthday and this is 5 years on. We all do manage to cope because we have no choice our children would expect us to. I too like you in the early times went to my doctor but I thought I have to cope with this but yes it does change us we are not whole anymore. I wish I could just wrap my arms around you and all of us on here to stop the pain.
With love JSS
Helen
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Hi, I also write. I started after my Mum passed many years ago. Poetry really. I have written several since lost Lisa, mostly about her loss and then wrote a poem for each of our family. One day I will get them made into a book for them all to read after I am gone.
You are right about how it helps us.
Love to you.
Kate xx
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Hi jss . I do try make some days count for jss she was 30 yesterday .we had a lovely day . I know this sounds mad but i got her a balloon from sam and a card she was pleased but the time evening come i was in bits .thsts how i feel im remembering the last days when sam was so weak and as i helped him through still trying to keep his dignity in some form its broke me im in bits this morning this life .he did not deserve it . The bravest happiest person . Even on the darkest days he never moaned he was so amazing . From the day he found out he never said a thing about it . If we had magic wands .if it wasnt for jess and my grandchildren i would never get up in the morning . As you know sam sam passed on the 27th april my mums birthday did she come for him .i just want to know his safe. Jss it is baby steps i go forward a bit and then back .as we know these ladys are all walking in our shoes .at different stages of this awful grief .they give me hope . Ray wouldnt want you so broken . I go in the garden gives me peace .i find staying in makes me very sad sending you big hugs jss. And to all you ladys. Think of your other son jss try focus on him xx
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Just thought i would share with you my beautiful family xxx love zoe xxx
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Zoe,You have a lovely caring family, you must be very proud of them, and you can see they think think the world of you…Love Marina xxx
Just wish my beautiful boy was still here x
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I understand exactly, I’ve been wishing that for four years and I’ll be doing so until the day I die. But at the same time I am so grateful and thankful that he was in my life even though it wasn’t forever. . Marina xxx
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Zoe, thank you for posting your photos. You’ve captured a lovely celebration for your daughter and incorporated Sam. He would be very proud of you and his sister and family. It is difficult to get through these occasions as sadness can consume us but somehow we do. It must have have been particularly hard leading up to Sam’s anniversary.
We just had my daughters 40th which has consumed me for months, thinking of how to make sure everyone she knew remembered her on her special birthday. I got some lovely messages back from the photos and poem I sent out. I asked them to raise a glass and light a candle. It gave me some comfort
I will light a candle for Sam next week.
Take care
Chris
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Thank you so much chris sending my love to you xx
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Hi Zoe,
Like Marina said I understand I wish with every fibre of my being that Sam would walk through the door again. He travelled over in the November from Sweden where he was living with his wife (she was Swedish)
to tell me he had been diagnosed with a brain tumour, from that day to this my world fell apart. I had to keep going I had no choice and through it all I had Geraint shouting every now and again at me together with my ex husband. When I took Sam into town to get Mathilda something (a bracelet I think) for Christmas. After that they came here to live and we got them a flat just round the corner. In September of 2016 he came here to live with me and I did absolutely everything for him and I would do all of it again whilst walking on broken glass if I could have him back for even a day.
Love Helen
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My dear Helen i totally get that me to . My sam lived at home he was still my baby if that makes sense we spent every day together .it just a xrazy world your sam very handsome xxx
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No matter how many years pass its what we all want .them to walk through the door its wicked and cruel x
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Hi Zoe
When that picture was taken it was 2 years after he had had his operation and they went for 2 weeks to a lovely 5 star hotel in Croatia, by that time he was on benefits and they saved so hard I offered him the money but he wouldn’t take it. Mathilda has gone back to Sweden now and we keep in touch at Christmas and birthdays but she is still single and I hope she finds someone to love again
Love Helen
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XXXXxxxxso heart breaking Zoe , sending love to you xxx
Poor girl life sad …xx did you think he was better after his op
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Love to you jss big hugs . Just too hard right now xx
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