Hi Kate , been thinking of you today, hope you had a peaceful day, all my love, Pete
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Oh gosh. Two months is such a short time but it will feel like an eternity for you. Its the worst thing in the world, the funeral.
Well, I was fine today not least for the fact that the weather today was the polar opposite of 16th May 2019. It has poured down all day! Anyway, itâs nearly over now and I mustnât drag myself back there.
The thing is for us all, we never really know when a complete meltdown is going to happen. In those early days it was every day and every night and I can feel your pain so much.
Now I can be fine for ages then , like at the weekend, miserable and not able to get myself out of it.
Take care dear friends. Hope you all manage a decent nightâs sleep.
With love, Kate x
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Thankyou. It poured down the whole day but my mood was much better.
Kate xxxxx
Oh Michelle, thatâs awful for you. Although something similar happened on FB about Lisa. It knocked me sideways but as you say , the person who shared it meant well.
I canât imagine how you must have felt seeing that coffin coming off the plane. My heart breaks thinking of you that day. We have all found strength within us we didnât know we had to face these terrible ordeals.
It isnât fair is it?
Love to you, Kate xx
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Dear Kate, so glad you got through today. It is amazing how we can pull ourselves through when we have to. We are capable of so much and we just carry on with our lives.
Michelle, I canât imagine how hard that must have been for you going to Brize. My nephew has been a pall bearer in the past, also at Brize Norton. I think you are both amazing and Pete too.
So glad that we have our little group and are able to support each other with love xxx
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Hello Ann and Beth,
Ann never a truer word spoken, even though itâs now 5 and a bit years for me the pain is still there, but a bit like toothache you know you can live with it. It never really goes and that hole in your heart doesnât get filled in.
But like you say we have to try and honour them it is about them not us. My Sam would have ecpected me to get on not make a fuss so I do try so so hard but sometimes I just canât do it and my heart and whole body is filled with terrible anguish. Then I feel (so to speak) an arm come around me and I know Sam is here with me trying to comfort me, so I do my best to pull myself up by my bootlaces and get on and in my minds eye I see him smile and for me that is what itâs about.
On Monday, I picked up the grandchildren from school they are identical twin girls and again Poppy saw the picture of Sam and said thatâs Uncle Sam (they are almost 5 so wouldnât have known Sam) heâs in heaven looking after Rosie, (their cat that passed) so matter of fact.
Love to all of you.
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Dear Victoria,
You are so right we do somehow manage to pull ourselves through when we have to, but Act1 I know this is so hard for you as you are in such early days and I hope that the strength you see from all your amazing friends on this site help you to know that there will be brighter days ahead but for now just be kind to yourself and keep sharing aa we are all here for you 
Victoria its hard to remember everything about that day but I try and focus on the parts such as the love and care Mattâs friends had for him when they carried him off the plane and also at his funeral, the love of others does help to carry you through and the love we have for others gives us the strength to carry on for them
Kate you are so right we have all somehow found the strength from within us, sometimes people say you are so strong or brave, or how do you carry on? Well we really donât have any choice, there are days when we struggle to get out of bed and drink a little bit more than we should but they do pass and we do have good days, today was a good day, we have just had a memorial bench delivered to Mattâs school and Iâve just been to check it over, it has two photos one in his school uniform one in his army uniform and its the most beautiful bench, we have covered it up as we are having a memorial for him there on the 6th June , it makes me cry but also makes me proud and to know it will be at his Primary school makes me happy as all three of our children had such happy days there
Sending much love to all
Michelle xxx
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Dear Helen,
They are absolutely adorable reminds me of my girls double the pleasure! such as blessing
Love Michelle xxx
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Helen , they are adorable , they look very cheeky, betyou have your hands full . But I do envy you ,
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Thanks Marina,
That is a lovely photo and itâs one that was taken about a month or so before he died so it is very special.
love Helen
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Hi Maddie,
They are and their older brother Stan is lovely, having said that it does tire me out. I have all 3 here at the moment theyâre staying over tonight and I will drop them to school in the morning.
It is easier if Iâm worn out when I go to bed because I tend to sleep then. Reading your posts I take it Sarah is no better towards you? Hardest thing in the World to do nothing, let her be by herself and she will eventually come round although truth be told I think her husband doesnât help the situation from what you have said. You can always ring me.
Love as always Helen
Lovely grandchildren, as are Brooke, and Zoe and Victoriaâs. They light up our lives, those of us who are lucky enough to have them. I didnât think I ever would, but here are my two who I donât see often enough because they live in France.
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Oops, messed up again. Canât get this right.
Thanks Helen , we do talk to Sarah , but we donât to be like mother and daughter . Always have to tread on eggshells . She has changed so much . Havenât seen her husband since we had that terrible row the day after Dawns anniversary. I really thought I was cracking up . Atleast we are close to Jack who is 23 , an Aimee 21 this week . We are off to Mykinos on Sunday , so hoping I will come back in a better frame of mind . I take it you are ok with Geraint now does he talk about Sam now . How the years are flying by . nearly 6 years , canât quite believe our beautiful children have been gone so long Take care Maddie xxx
Meant to say Helen , when we get back from Mykinos , we have only got a few days then we are going to Eastbourne to meet up with Deborah , and arranged to see a medium
that Deborah has recommended . So will call you after that .xxx
Beautiful granddaughters Helen.
I was never too bothered about having grandchildren, I think me and Andrew were always too busy metal detecting and he wasnât in a lasting relationshipâŚbut now I keep thinking how lovely it would have been to know a part of him was living on.
I keep listening to videos that heâd taken when out with his dogâŚjust to hear his voice 
. My partner says he canât listen but I find it comforting to hear him.
If only he was actually still here 
Sue xxx
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Hi Helen, What adorable grandchildren you have, they look such mischievous little imps but with looks like they have you would forgive them anythingâŚI do envy you being a grandmother, when our eldest son got married he said they didnât want children and they never have, but they are happily married and I guess that what countsâŚThey may not have children but they have lots of animals so guess who goes and looks after them when they go awayâŚyes muggins hereâŚTake care Marina xxx
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Thanks Marina before Molly had to have glasses you really couldnât tell them apart. Stan is the older brother and was 2 when Sam passed. He never had any children with Mathilda but they were happy, I miss Sam so much like we all do with our children but I have to consider myself lucky that I had him for over 4 years after he was diagnosed as it should have been 6 to 12 months. He was such a character always smiling and laughing
This photo was taken when he went off snowboarding in Tiennes, and Sam and his mates had got to the top and they all said âcould do with a beer nowâ and Sam pulled the tim of Fosters from his sleeve.
Love Helen
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Itâs a lovely photo of SamâŚHelen. Sounds like he had a great sense of humour and how wonderful that he did so much in his life. Itâs so nice to share our photos of our gorgeous childrenâŚand also those of you lucky enough to have grandchildren.
Maybe my other son will surprise me one day. Iâve certainly learnt that life isnât as predictable as Iâd always assumedâŚlearnt the hard way unfortunately.
Hugs to allâŚSue xxx
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