Hi Racy…What a lovely photo of your beautiful boy, he looks a pure joy, full of fun and laughter…life can be so cruel to tale our children away from us…Take care Marina xxx
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Thank you Marina he was a joy and a kind soul. He had a donor card he got it when he was 17 years old so some of his organs or whatever they could use were donated. I was so proud of him for doing that.
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And when I didn’t know how to post photos Victoria told me how to do it.
Lovely that everyone on here helps each other…in more ways than one.
Thank you again Jim for your understanding and caring post. Once again you give me hope that I’ll learn to live with this heartache.
I’ll have to get out walking.
I did drive to my ex husbands one day to go for a walk on the beach with Ash (Andrew’s dog) and Barry’s 2 little dogs. At least Ash has a happy home with them. Fortunately it was a quiet beach, no young men in shorts and sun glasses to remind me of Andrew
I do have Andrew’s ashes here but only because Barry didn’t want to take them and I couldn’t bear to leave them anywhere else other than home…well this was Andrew’s home for much of his life.
Why doesn’t it surprise me Jim that you’ve written a book about your son?
You have an amazing way with words, the gift of saying the right thing in the right way. I’m always scared that I’ll say something the wrong way and end up offending someone.
Thank you ALL for posts etc today
It really has helped.
Lovely and warm hugs to all…Sue xxxx
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Dear Racy123 and all dear friends here. We are almost 3 years on but just now my sister phoned. She lost her husband last August. Bless her, she was talking about how bad it felt. I know it sounds selfish but I wanted to scream! I wanted to say ffs you lost your husband not your child! I know it’s terrible to lose a partner but nothing,absolutely nothing can compare to the loss of a child.
We had been eating dinner. After the phone call I couldn’t eat. I just put it all in the bin. I went upstairs and cried and cried. I just feel sick with all the feelings which surfaced again.
No matter how good we are at ‘carrying on’ its always just below the skin, just waiting to burst out and take our legs from under us.
Nothing is ever the same, we are not the same.
Love to all, Kate xx
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No Kate,
It doesn’t sound selfish at all. Losing a child is unfortunately the worst loss anyone can ever experience. I know it’s not a competition but it’s just a fact and we can all vouch for that.
I know deep down that this isn’t something that will ever go away…how can it? Ok…in time maybe you learn to live with it a little easier but you’ll never be rid of that aching loss, the loss of your child. The child you cared for ,watched grow up, had all those dreams for and then had it shattered as they were cruelly snatched away.
Andrew said to me just a few months ago that he didn’t think he would ever meet anyone and have children as he was already 38. ONLY 38…he should have had years and years to meet someone or if not just years to be happy. I’m so sad for all the life he’s missed out on.
No…Kate…you are not the slightest bit selfish in feeling the way you do, I feel exactly the same.
Love and hugs Sue xxxx
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Dear Sue, you are so right. Nobody can feel what we do unless they are in the same situation.
We all found each other here which is such a lifeline as we can tell it like it is. Just honest gut feelings and know we are not being judged.
Thankyou for your quick response. It’s so comforting to know that some kind soul is always listening.
Take care dear friend and thankyou.
Much love, Kate xx
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Kate it is not wrong to feel that way. Those are your feelings and you are welcome to them. You are not being selfish you have lost a child and I empathize with you because yes it is the most traumatic experience that you can go through and that’s a fact. I understand that you don’t want to downgrade anyone’s loss right now is just the way you feel and that’s okay. I ran into my brother the other day at the grocery store coming in. He called my father and said I didn’t look too happy. My father called me and said what’s wrong? I said oh I don’t know I just lost my son a short time ago so no I am not happy. I was upset because he asked me what’s wrong like I was supposed to be over it because 7 months have passed. Sometimes people can be so insensitive and they don’t even realize they’re doing it. So sad.
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Beautiful.
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Dear all, it is so hard this life we now lead. People expect us to ‘get over it’. I wish they could walk in our shoes although I would not wish this life, these feelings on anyone. Kate, I hope you are feeling a little better this evening. You have been so brave and such a support to everyone. This is an amazing site and such a lifesaver. Much love to you all xxx
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Hi racy your beautiful son is handsome thank you for sharing .well done walking .the lake looks amazing what a beautiful place baby steps lovely lady xx
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So sorry for that distressing call you had, Kate. No, you are not selfish.
It is simply wrong for our children to go before us, just wrong, unfair, not how life should be, the world turned upside down. As you all say there is no pain existing like that of losing a child. Not a competition, no, just without question the worst thing anyone can experience.
Sending love 
Ann
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Hi kate im so sorry you had a bad day .its so true always there you are truly amazing always there yo support everyone . Thinking of you and sending big hugs xxx
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And you too Racy, what an insensitive phone call. Why don’t people stop and think?
All I can wish for all you lovely ladies, and Jim and Pete, is that it gets a little bit better. Eventually. Though it will never ever be right.
Love to you all.
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Thank you Zoe yes baby steps.
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Hi victoria we all feel like that about our children .we ment to look after them .it make us doubt ourselves why didnt we do this .do that .why wasnt we there .life is mapoed i believe whats to be will be no matter what …sam had his main heart valves round the wrong way at birth the oldest child in the country was 15 at the time . He survived against all odds born in guys in london . We went through hell but he was our miricle …then bang had pain in his leg at 24 we get yold he has a sarcoma not any sarcoma but the rareest in the country could our son be used as a test case the cancer had spread to his lungs and bones .how could this be .my beautiful sam 6.3 .my gentle giant standing in the marsden being told he was terminal i was screaming being sick .they gave him a year .he lasted less than 4 months . Wicked b. . .d world just took him .threw in pain .lost his dignity made him scared its wrong on every level .iooked i held his hand everynight we slept in the frontroom which now looked like a hospital . Wicked .wicked whatever way they chose to take our beautiful children its wrong so wrong shattered all our lifes .i cant stand it without sam its just not right.feel like my hearts ripped out sorry im on a rant sorry xxx
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Yes Ann you would think people would know better, but I guess not. I think a class on grieving and how to support someone who’s grieving should be a mandatory class in high school. Just a thought.
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Hi all. It’s the small hours again. Why wouldn’t it be. Sleep is for Cissy’s .
The last few messages. Unless you have lost a child. You simply don’t understand. I don’t care if you are a doctor or a counsellor or anyone. You have no idea of how painful it is or how it impacts the parents left behind.
Sometimes the people around you can accidentally say something insensitive. They don’t know what they have said that you find so upsetting. The fact they don’t realize what they have said doesn’t lighten the impact on you. You are so cut up about your child that to be fair it doesn’t take much to make your blood boil .
Other times people are just total insensitive a#######s . They will say or do something that feels like they are sticking a knife in you. I think we all have stories that we can tell of the time people have upset us.
I think my worse one was . I have an auntie that lives in N Ireland. She lost her son about 20 years ago. When I lost my son . She reached out to me over Facebook. ( We’d not really spoken before then). Anyway we had kind of built up a bond. So about 3 years ago she had a very special silver Christmas tree decoration hand made. It had a little pendant with a picture of my son. It was surrounded by angel wings. Sounds really cheesy but is actually quite classy. My aunty didn’t know my address. She wanted it to be a surprise so she sent it to my mother’s house . She rang my mother to tell her what she had done. Fast forward a week. My mam rang me and said . Your aunty has sent you a parcel can you come for it. When I got there my mam had opened it. But not in a nice way . She handed me the package and it looked like a pack of wolves had ripped it to shreds , as she handed it to me she said. With a little giggle . Oh I’m sorry I opened it accidentally.
I felt this intense rage come over me. I was shaking I was so angry. I thought HOW F#####G DARE YOU.
I grabbed it and came home. I wanted to throw it in the bin because mother had tarnished it. But my wife said that’s not fair on your aunty. I couldn’t speak to my mam for a fortnight. ( She’s 85). I hated her for a while. It still makes me angry now.
This episode confirms to me that people have no understanding of how loosing a child impacts you. Things that before hand wouldn’t have bothered you. Can now bring you to your knees. I often think when people I know mention Thier problems. Try walking a mile in my shoes. On a positive note tho. If there is such a thing in these circumstances. When ever I come across somebody that has recently lost someone I’m not afraid to go and speak to them. In fact I find myself drawn to them. I think the reason for that is. I’ve been on the receiving end of people turning away from me. Crossing the street. Avoiding me. Staying away. Having a look of dread etched all over Thier face if they suddenly get boxed in with you. It’s not nice. Infact it’s horrible and it leaves a stain on you. So I will go out of my way to speak to a recently bereaved person. Provided I know them. I don’t just walk up to random people and say Have you lost anyone 
. Ok, thanks for listening. Suppose I better go try and get some sleep.
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Hi Jim, I have also been awake for hours. After I first lost Gemma I didn’t go to bed at all for days! I get your story about the Christmas decoration and how people can be so unfeeling. A friend says to me recently (we were talking about how fed up she was feeling) ‘well I know you went through a tough time losing Gemma but at least you still have 2 other children’. Luckily for her she has since moved 150 miles away from me! I hope you got some sleep xx
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Dear Victoria,
Thank you for your kind words you always say such lovely things and always go out of your way to lift others but please be kind to yourself too
Much love Michelle xxx
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Dear Racy,
Lovely photo of your precious son keep going for walks we are closer to our loved ones when we are outdoors amongst nature, I am sure Theo walks along side you and he is always in your heart pocket.
Love Michelle xxx
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