I had a phone conversation with the police officer, didn’t enjoy but I was coping till she asked about my girls msgs the day before and on the day. I had decided, before that, that I wasn’t ready to look an her messages at all yet. So when she asked me to read them out, it was the first time I’d even looked at them since it happened. They were lovely messages and should have given me comfort. But they didn’t. Then I was asked to screenshot them, I was barely keeping myself together at the sight of them ,I just didn’t have the cognitive function to do that simple thing right then. So I said I’d do it later, Now there’s issues cos they are on what’s app. Fixable I’m sure. But it resulted in me having to see them again. Like you have been saying triggers can take you back. I’m thinking it’s a blip and not a full on setback. I can well see how you were triggered the other day. Hugs
This is a new grief feeling for me I haven’t had it yet but today my heart feels empty. I’ve had the feeling like your heart is breaking but I haven’t had this empty feeling before has anyone felt that way just all of a sudden.
I feel a calmness but also an emptiness.
Yes racy . An empty feeling something is missing your beautiful boy.i feel i walk around with an empty heart coz sam is missing 
Thank you Zoe it just happened all of a sudden I hadn’t really had that feeling until today. I realize it’s missing Theo it just struck me because it was so sudden. Up and down sideways and all around that’s what my emotions do everyday and I’m sure yours do the same thing.
Hi my lovely its such a short time Theo has been gone .your emotions are all over the place .its hard to accept there not coming back . Baby steps .good and bad moments .life has changed for always .this is a trauma take care of yourself love zoe xx
Hi sue mad question but who has ash now xxx
Hi Zoe,
Andrew’s dad…my ex husband…has Ash now. He already has 2 little dogs and as Andrew used to stay over at his house sometimes with Ash the dogs all get on fine.
He lives about 20 miles away from us, closer towards the Norfolk coast so Ash is enjoying some nice walks on the beach and in the countryside. I’ve joined them all on a couple of walks and evertime Barry meets me at Andrew’s flat he brings all the dogs with him.
At first I was worried it might be too stressful for Ash, coming home with no Andrew there, but he seems to take it in his stride now. Plus it gives me a chance to fuss over him.
He’s a lurcher and because he’s a “sight hound” I couldn’t have him as I have a 9 year old cat.
I hope Andrew can see how happy he is…although I’m sure Ash will still miss him as he loved Andrew to bits.
I miss them both running round the top of my garden. There’s a circular layout and Ash had turned it into a racetrack…it was so funny to watch him speeding round and round…me and Andrew used to laugh like anything watching him.
They were such happy days.
Love and hugs…Sue xxxxx
Oh sue thats lovely .glad hes still in the family .Andrew will be happy about that .thinking of you my friend love zoe 
Hi Racy,
Sorry I didn’t reply earlier to your question about Michael.
They were home birds and didn’t socialise much, just happy in their own company doing their own things together. He has friends but not in our town. He does get to see them, but not as much as I’d like for him.
His best companion now is their cat!
Kath, like all my family are very much dog people. Michael’s family are cat people and brought them into her life. There’s just one now who was devoted to Kath, and is a huge comfort to Michael.
Actually we all love all animals One of the charities Kath supported is called apopo, which trains rats - yes rats - to detect mines. They have saved many lives in war torn countries. It is quirky and very much her, so that’s who we had donations for, in her memory.
Love to you all on here today. I wish a peaceful night for you.
Ann xxx
I love animals too I actually am a dog person but I have a cat I took it when my mom passed away. I have never heard of that using rats to detect mines that is different. Kath was quirky I love quirky
Thank you Racy.
Would you believe, just after I last posted I had a text from Michael that he’d had to take Jack (Black Cat Jack, my grandchildren call him) to the vet. He was a bit panicky, he can do without this, but fingers crossed Jack seems to be ok. God I hope so, he’s such a consolation to M and a living link with Kath. I know Jack won’t go on for ever, but not just yet, please.
Fingers crossed all is well xx
Thanks Zoe.
Love to you, hope you are feeling better than last week,
Love Ann x
Oh my gosh I hope nothing seriously wrong with Jack. Mike doesn’t need that right now. I would definitely be panicky too feeling I don’t need another loss. I hope everything turns out okay.
Ann, just before I answered your post I was sitting here thinking and getting ready to post. When I go out sometimes I hang my head and wonder why I do that, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am feeling shame. I know I shouldn’t but I was thinking what am I ashamed about? I came up with I am ashamed that I am grieving, I am ashamed for people to see me this way, I am ashamed that I am not a strong as I used to be, and when I run into someone I know I feel ashamed because I am not the person right now that they knew. Society makes it hard for you to grieve because of so many stupid expectations of what other person should be doing and feeling. I know I shouldn’t feel that way and that is something I need to work on. I am having all kinds of feelings right now but also I am sorting out my feelings. I don’t know if anyone else has felt that way but that was just an epiphany to me. I just wanted to share that while it was on my mind.
Oh racy dont you dare say that theres no shame in grieving your amazing yo get out of bed in the morning never mind going out the door im sending you love and strengh zoe xx
Hi Ann have my moments but better than i was .have had bloodpressure to worry about .went this morning its down a bit .is there any wonder all the stress we all under much love xx
Dear Ann, that’s exactly how I felt when we lost Jeeves. He was Lisa’s 21st birthday present. We looked after him when Lisa was in hospital and as she passed away we took him into our family permanently. He passed away last October. After the best happy day when he was running like a puppy, he wouldn’t stand up next morning. We got him to the vets in the afternoon and he was taken then. I lay on the floor holding him and talking to him, wracked with grief and said ‘time to go darling boy, Mum is waiting for you’.
It hurt so much. Part of Lisa had gone with him.
Love to you and so hope Jack is OK.
Kate x
I realize that Zoe, it’s just me sitting here thinking why do I feel that way and that’s what I came up with. After Theo died some people said oh you’ll get through it cuz you’re so strong. I am not use to feeling so vulnerable. I think people put me in a box and I stayed in that box. I am a strong person regardless but also I am vulnerable even though I don’t show it a lot. So when I do show it people think wow something is really wrong with her. No there’s nothing wrong with me I’m just grieving.