Oh Nell,
This is an awful additional pain for you to bear, as if you haven’t suffered enough.
I’m glad at least for you that the police are being as kind as they can, as you say they have to do this.
You are a strong brave person and you will get through this, but it’s desperately sad that you have to go through this, losing the privacy of your last messages with your girl.
Thinking of you and sending so much love, as you have done for us.
Ann 
Hi nell2. We become very possessive over anything to do with our children. Whatever we have left of them makes us very angry if we are expected to share. I understand the whole police/coroner thing. The police had my son’s phone for weeks and wouldn’t even tell us what was on it. I no they have a job to do but those things are very personal to us. It’s our little bit of our child. It’s the remaining things we have left of them. I think the fact that the police just expect you to hand over such stuff as if it’s nothing. You know they will be reading them and discussing them with other faceless people is what is so upsetting. Them text messages were yours. They were something that you hold so dear. You weren’t ready to read them or share them. It’s no wonder it’s knocked you for six. I hope this terrible upset you feel at the moment is just a sideways step that will pass. I think you will feel slightly robbed for a while over the texts. But unfortunately things like this happen from time to time. We aren’t always in a position of control. Take care my friend. Jim
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I feel like every time I try to pick myself up I get thrown back down. Only a few days ago I was noticing that there’s a world out there and a few chinks of light. Now It’s gone. I’m reminding myself that the chinks of light can come back and I can re-start building some resilience. There will always be triggers but they won’t all knock me off my feet and I will learn to stick with the strategies that help and not get blown off course quite so easily as time goes on. The worst has already happened, so details like the texts aren’t the main issue. It’s losing my girl that’s the issue. All the rest is about me slowly, slowly learning to live again, as best I can. Hugs and kind thoughts to everyone on here xx
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Dear Nell
I remember you writing about your chinks of light. They will come back for you in time. Any little light is welcome in the blackness that is the loss of your child.
The worst has already happened and you are not giving up, in honour of your beloved girl.
Much love, Ann
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Hi Nell sorry your having such a bad time .i completely understand . How your feeling there your messages . It will pass lovely . Youve been so amazing. The bits of light will come back sending you a hug love zoe xx
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Than you Ann. I know you are right. I’m blowed if I’m gonna let this floor me. I’m not fighting how I feel today cos it’s really a detail and it does all help to prove that it was an accidental overdose. The texts were about how we were going to meet up that day she died. I was also worried they might contact my 14 year old m grandaughter who was with me and saw it all. They did assure me that they won’t be asking her questions if they can get enough evidence from me and her dad and his mother. I wasn’t expecting the police to want to know all the ins and out of my daughter life, cradle to grave. Still it’s how it is. I’m sure it’s normal police procedure and hopefully they will now submit all the evidence for the coroner for a decision. I’m alive and she’s not and it feels wrong that she’s gone before me, but I can’t change it so I must carry on and live as best as I can. It won’t always feel so raw and tomorrow could be a better day. Thanks everyone for listening xxx
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Thank you Zoe. It’s awful today but that won’t last and I can regain some tiny sign of equilibrium. Talking to people like you and others always helps to provide a bit of perspective. I’m so glad I’ve got somewhere to go now with the people who get it. Thanks again x
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Thanks. Act1. Wise words x
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Neil those triggers are the worse. If I don’t have to look at text messages I don’t because they throw me into a tizzy for a bit but , then I somehow get back on track. I am so sorry this happened to you I know it must have been painful. It definitely sucks , but you will get back on track
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Hi Nell,
I’m sorry you are having a tough few days with all the questions and having to read your daughters messages. It is standard procedure and I’ve already been told by the coroner to expect the same. I don’t really have any texts to show them from the day before as Andrew phoned me on my house phone and then walked round to see me. I wish I had got more 
.
There are plenty for them to see from the days leading up to that horrible morning though.
I’ve had a fairly calm morning so far…not as much crying as usual. We did take our cat to the vets ( nothing too bad hopefully) but found out I’d got the day wrong and it’s next week we have to go. I also managed to scan a form for the solicitor and attach it to an email…then realised I’d forgotten to date it so had to start again. My next “chore” for the day is to have a shower and wash my hair. It’s all such an effort…and I really don’t care what I look like.
I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you and you start seeing those little chinks of light again.
Love and hugs…Sue xxxx
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Part of what made it worse was they wanted to know all about my whole daughters life from birth to death. I had imagined they would only be interested in her last few days. It took at least an hour. One good outcome I hope, is that I stressed unless it was absolutely vital please don’t ask my grandaughter to go through all of this and they promised to try and not do that. Anyway it’s done now and was grim but done. It’s not the police who won’t let it go, it’s me! So I’m gonna take your lead and have a shower and try and look human. Make up seems a thing of the past. Only a few months ago I wouldn’t have left the house without it. Hopefully I will get back in the habit cos it sure helps me look a bit better, it right now I just don’t care. Xx
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Beautiful boy! My heart goes out to you. Life is so unfair.
Much love, Kate xxx
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Bless you all. Lovely card xx
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Beautiful photos sue hope your ok xx
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This morning when I came to work my coworker, she knows I am grieving, ask me how are you? I said ok. She later said I can tell you are sad. Then she says maybe you should take a vacation somewhere fun.
Like after I come from vacation all my sadness will have disappeared. I wish she would stop asking me everyday how I am because I have to keep telling the same story over and over
I am going to be SAD for a while. In my head I wanted to say maybe you should read some articles about grief. It just frustrated me today.
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I don’t know about you but I definitely wouldn’t want a vacation somewhere ‘ fun’ right now. A cottage in the country for a week with some quiet people and a nice view would be possibly therapeutic. But a crowd of people getting drunk on holiday and having ‘fun’ would be beyond my capabilities. I would be the one not having fun and wishing I hadn’t gone at all. Xx
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So many just don’t have any idea what we are faced with every single day. No, a holiday somewhere fun?? What an idiot. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.
Love to you. Sadness will always be under the surface with us all but we do our best.
Kate xxxxxxxx
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You’re so right Kate it was an idiotic thing to say. And Nell you hit the nail in the head. No I don’t want to go on a vacation where everybody’s having fun and of crowd of people. Now the cottage in the country sounds really nice with a couple of people who understand and we’ll just let you be. To me it felt like she was saying hurry up get over this would you.
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