Thankyou. I was worried i had pressed a wrong button!
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Hello all dear friends , I canāt believe there is so many new ones on our site now , itās so unfair . It will be 5 years 6 months one the 11 June a number I hate . I am so sorry for your loss. Such beautiful photos you are posting of your children . Yes anniversaries are the worse . After we lost Dawn in the December , Sarah said Mum
You have to get away , I thought what we have just lost our darling Dawn , must I must admit it was lovely to get away from the grieving for a few days , donāt get me wrong there still was lots of tears , in was in the March so went to Portugal and it was quite quiet . But coming home on the plane I cried all the way home , just knowing I was going back home to the grieving . And Dawn would not be on the phone as soon as we got in the door wanting to know everything about our holiday . We have had quite a few holidays since she passed , and I must admit , it has done us good , we always take photos Part of her and a diary with us . We have just come back from Greece
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Sorry pushed wrong button . And I must admit I was so so depressed before I went , but have come back in a better frame of mind . I know it probably wonāt last , , but just to give yourself a break from the grieving , does help , otherwise I think I would have gone mad . Talking about pets Sarah has Boston Terrier , and he is lovely , ever since he was a pub , he has sat on my lap , he is 9 years old , and I am convinced he knows I am a grieving parent . Do you think that sounds silly ? But he looks at me with such sad eyes . Victoria , hope you enjoy you few days away . And hope we will meet up again when you get back . As I class you as my Sis now. Sending love to all . Maddie xxxxx
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Yes Maddie, dogs know.
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Thats great maddie .i felt better when i went dorset im going again on monday with my friend . .dont stop the sadness but the sea eases the mind .take care maddie . Thinking of everyone much love zoe xx
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Hi Zoe I feel your pain , it is so hard , indeed as you say how do we go on , i am so broken at the moment like you, and this 1 year anniversary has hit me worse than I could have imagined. I am Waiting for counselling but even privately there is a waiting list , donāt know what they can do tho, maybe I will have to try the anti depressants again. There are no answers , we go on day after day. Sending you lots of love , life can be hard sometimes, hope the pain eases and we can find some peace eventually . Love Jess xx
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So pleased Zoe , you had a little relief from the grieving for your lovely Sam , although we go away w they are always in our hearts . But there is d sad one thing about the sea that is calming , Take care z a nd enjoy your time away . With love Maddie xxx
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Hi jess , theres no words to make it better its there all the time in all we do. I cant believe a year has passed . Its mad it seems like yesterday . Always think of you jess i take antidepressants have for along time ā¦we cant do anything but try to live a life .my friend is running the race for life in sams memory bless her . Things like that make it really real .look after yourself jess much love zoe xx
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Just wanted to share I went to work this morning and for the first two or three hours I was down in the dump, but my mood lifted as the day went on. I actually had a couple of laughs, and I know this is going to sound weird but after I laughed it seemed like my cheeks were still smiling long after I heard the joke.
I said to myself why do I feel this way I am still smiling. Itās weird Iām saying to myself just some hours ago I was really down in the dumps then my mood changed it was a weird feeling to be smiling.
Funny I said to myself why does my face want to smile. Crazy I know. After I got home I still was in the good mood I ate dinner and then we had a rainstorm. It was hot out today and still is so believe it or not I went outside got off my porch stood on the sidewalk stretch both of my arms out and just stood in the rain.
The feeling I got was undescribable. For that moment I felt free from sadness. I know this feeling probably wonāt last so I took full advantage of it. It feels like my face still wants to smile why I donāt know it feels weird but good!
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Just take it as it comes, Racy. Doesnāt matter if itās a bit weird, itās not wrong to feel good. Theo would want you to be ok.
Love, Ann 
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So true, Racy. We can smile again and as Ann said, Theo would want you to still be able to smile and have happy times. As will your friends and family. xxx
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Well remember yesterday when I said I was feeling happy I knew that wouldnāt last too long today not so good. Yesterday must have been the calm before the storm.
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I came home and had a good cry at lunch and went back to work and the day got somewhat better.
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I seem to be at a stage somewhere near yours. I do have ābetterā moments now, but it doesnāt take much for me to still burst into tears. I had to speak to the police again yesterday and that was followed by tears and all the other emotions, but after an hour or so I managed to carry on with my day and even able to focus on things I needed to do. Itās a move in the right direction. Itās two steps forward and one back. Itās an improvement for sure tho. All the Jubilee stuff feels a bit strange and Iām contributing to our street party which, if Iām honest, at the moment Iād rather avoid. It is a once off historical occasion so Iām going and hope to keep it together for a few hours and show willing, Iām not going to the evening āknees upā unless I suddenly feel like it. I reckon thatās a reasonable balance of sharing with the community but not over committing and becoming over anxious cos itās too much, too soon. The party is Saturday and already I wish I didnāt have to go, but ignoring it totally is not an option cos itās literally outside my front door. Iām doing a stall so at least Iāve got a task. I think it would be harder just wandering about aimlessly wishing I wasnāt there. Feels like the best I can do and itās keeping on keeping on. I wonāt have to look back and think I didnāt even try. Thatās good enough. Xx
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I hope the day goes well for you Nell. Iām really happy to hear youāre having a few good moments now. It gives you hopeā¦doesnāt it? We have to try to still live our livesā¦our children would want us to.
Live and hugs Sue xxxx
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Iām also finding the Jubilee celebrations a bit remote from me. I donāt live in a street party area, so none of thatās happening, but as Nell says itās a historic moment in our history, and I have HUGE admiration for the Queen, so Iāve put red white and blue garlands in the windows, and am glad to see the decorations everywhere. We watched the whole of the Trooping of the Colour, the fly past and the lighting of the beacons in the evening, filling our day to some extent with tv.
Today my other daughter and partner are coming over from Yorks to Lancs to go for a walk with my son in law Michael and weāll meet them for lunch, which is fine, tho my daughter and I usually manage to set each other off over something.
Hope you are all coping in your different ways, even managing a bit of enjoyment from this. (I expect Racy you have seen this on tv. Itās huge here, 4 days of celebrations, unprecedented.)
Love and hugs to you all, Ann š« xxx
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One thing I hope Iāve learned from all this tragedy is, grab those better moments, no matter how tiny. If they can come even very briefly it shows that there is a possible future that is not all full on misery and pain for the rest of my life. Itās a spark of hope that somehow, some time I can learn to live with what I canāt change. Itās gonna be a long, probably the rest of my life, journey filled with triggers and sadness but it wonāt be full on, every waking moment. Xx
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Itās such a lovely day today. Iām not joining in any celebrations of any sortā¦I donāt even know of any nearby although there will be plenty going on. Iām just really sad that Andrew is missing it all as he always had a soft spot for the Royals and he would have loved it all.
Hope everyone has a good day in one way or another
Love and hugs Sue xxxx
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Thereās no right or wrong way to deal with all this jubilee celebration stuff. For anyone who has a choice Iād say go if you feel like it but definitely donāt put yourself through it if your heart and head says no. Be kind to yourself. Xx
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Yes Ann I have been watching it on TV. I am sure there is a lot going on a lot to do. And yes Neil it does seem like we might be in the same stage those little moments of happiness they do give me hope. I still donāt feel comfortable though going out and big crowds Iām not there yet, but I understand how you feel thatās a celebration and you at least want to be there if only for a short while. Take it easy Neil and do the best that you can.
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