Hi Racy,
How nice of that person to take time for you… little things like that mean such a lot when you’re grieving.
I had a fairly good day yesterday but then as I drove home from the coast in the evening I sobbed all the way home and didnt really stop until I went to sleep. I seem to be missing Andrew more as the days go by but mainly when I’m outside as it reminds me of being out detecting with him or going for a walk with his dog.
I’m pleased for you that you actually had a few good days in a row…as you say it’s usually 2 steps forward one step back, one step forward two steps back at the moment.
Love and hugs…Sue xxx
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At least you know it is actually possible to have 4 good days. That is a big chunk of light and you definitely deserved a respite from all the pain. There will be another chink, but they do come and go randomly. After I finalised that darn statement I felt so relieved I was almost elated. Woke up angry this morning tho. But any chink of light is way better than none. For me they give me hope of a livable future that’s not all misery. Sending you all the best and hugs xxx
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Sorry Sue you day was going good and then Bam those triggers, but you seem to be progressing also and that’s a good thing. It’s just those triggers that can get you some times and you don’t know where and when they will get you.
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Nell I am so glad you finished that statement and you said you were elated that word is progress in itself!!! It probably is a load off your mind. Those chinks seem to be happening for you more often also they definitely give you hope and tell you you are moving forward.
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Your right. I didn’t imagine I could every feel elation again. Which is another emotion grief starves us of. I certainly didn’t think a statement about my daughters death would bring anything but more sheer misery. Somehow taking a bit of control over how my daughters life story was presented made me feel I’d somehow done right by her. It won’t change anything, but it was bearing witness with love about my daughters life. Saying it on here has got me crying but that’s ok. That’s grief, up and down like roller coaster. Sending love xxxx
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Ann that is beautiful and so true 
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Kate I truly believe that❤️
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Dear Nell,
I totally get what you are saying about doing right by your precious daughter, we had a very lengthy inquest for our son and it’s like the last opportunity we have to act on their behalf and make sure its all done properly and everything is out in the open. Am so sorry that your sister has let you down in your time of need and hope she starts to grasp how much pain you are in 
you are doing so well but am sure your falling apart inside, I know you don’t have any choice as your grandchildren are depending on you, stay strong and keep posting, you are doing amazing and your daughter will always be with you tucked inside your heart pocket, take care
Much love to all Michelle xxxx
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Coming on here and talking to you and others has made such a lot of difference. Before that I didn’t know a single person that had lost their child or that there was a place like this to go to. I’m quite crusading about promoting this place. After I’d done the statement the policewoman asked if I’d got enough support. I told her about this place and Compassionate Friends. She hadn’t heard of either and she put it in her info file for people in my situation and genuinely seemed interested. It helped me too to know that if she gives that info to others, and they just have a look here, they will get almost instant support and at least they will know they aren’t totally alone and others ‘get it’. Getting a Grief Companion from TCF has been really good too. That’s turned out different to how I’d imagined. I thought I’d be on the phone to her for hours each time she called and yet i often only talk to her for 20 minutes, cos I don’t need to keep explaining why and how I feel like I do, she just knows cos it happened to her. It makes me realise how before the internet most people in our situation must have felt so isolated and no idea how ‘normal’ their pain is. I’m not daft enough to think I’m all fixed cos I’ve had a few good days, and that this grief journey is a life long thing and won’t be going away and I’m a different person than I was before. Like all of us I’ve got to somehow learn to live with what I can’t change and that’s not gonna be quick and there’s no shortcuts. On here, together we are stronger than we can be alone. Helping each other is a positive in a sea of awful pain and loss and ifs and buts. Thank you to you and everyone for sharing it’s made all the difference to me. Sending love and thanks to you and everyone on here. Xxxx
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Dear Nell, I am so glad you found this site although of course wish you hadn’t had to. I think it is so important as on here we can be honest about how we are feeling without worrying that we are ‘over sharing’ .
We understand each other so well and hold each other up. xxx
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I totally agree with you Nell this site has been a lifesaver for me I felt comforted the first day that I joined. I feel that this site helps me in my grieving process. I could share and even though it would make me cry that’s what I needed. I needed to get those feelings validated. I am so thankful for everyone on here who is helping me through this process. I learned that it’s okay to feel the way that I feel and it’s okay to be where you are and not to be embarrassed about your grief. I thank God for directing me to this site. I knew nothing about the site I was just on the internet searching and this site caught my attention. I thank everyone on here that gives me ongoing support, and like you Nell if I come across anyone who has lost a child, a spouse, a friend, any loss I will definitely tell them about the Sue Ryder community. Love and continue healing to all. 
Racy
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Hi Sue I have been having one of those days that you had some days ago just sobbing out of nowhere. Every Saturday it never seems to fail. I don’t know if it’s because my son died on a Saturday but most of the time Saturdays are brutal I don’t look forward to them. I hope everyone else is having a kind of sort of good day or a good day.
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You poor soul. It will hurt so bad on Saturdays but hopefully eventually you will be able to take a very deep breath and manage to get through the day.
We are the same just now as this is the time Lisa was on ECMO in Aberdeen. So many highs and lows and then the worst outcome ever.
It just was her time, but it was too soon.
Much love my friend.
Kate xxx
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Thank you Kate today feels like the heaviness I felt a couple of months ago. I shouldn’t be surprised I know it’s like a roller coaster, but today is worse than other Saturdays wave after wave hitting at least on other Saturdays the pain lifts but not today, but I know it will get better soon.
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Hang on in there … you will get better days and gradually the good days will outnumber the bad ones. xxx
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Sending you love. Xxxxx
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Oh Racy,
I’m sorry you’ve had a horrible day. I’ve had a fairly calm sort of day. We did drive to the coast again for a few hours and I had a cry on the way home but I feel settled again now. Matt, my partner , goes back to work on Monday so I’ll be on my own for most of the day. It will be strange being alone…the first time since Andrew died.
Andrew was a gas heating engineer and plumber and last year he fitted out a new bathroom for us. We were having a problem with the toilet flush and I posted on facebook “Where are you Andrew when I desperately need a plumber?”. One of his mates messaged and asked if he could help me and he ended up calling round yesterday afternoon. He replaced the whole flush system and absolutely refused to take any payment for his work, only for the part itself. He said " I’m glad I could help I’d do anything for Andy". It made me cry…it was so kind of him and he was so genuine about doing it for Andrew. There are some lovely people in the world…and some really do want to help us when we need them most.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow Racy.
Thinking of everyone…warm hugs to you all…live Sue xxx
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Much love to you sue big hugs zoe xx
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A lovely young man, just when you needed him. A gift from Andrew xxx 
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Sue I am glad that you had an calm sort of day that is good. and it’s so wonderful that there are people around that really do care and want to help us when needed. Unfortunately my day has not started out good it kind of feels like yesterday. The last two days I feel like I’m going backwards. I heard some news on Friday that one of my old coworkers from years back was in the hospital and he might not make it he has liver cancer and a brain tumor. I am not sure but that might have triggered me.
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